About: Teabag   Sponge Permalink

An Entity of Type : owl:Thing, within Data Space : 134.155.108.49:8890 associated with source dataset(s)

The teabag dates back to the year 1538, when narcotics smugglers discovered an infallible method of transporting their wares overseas. Smuggler and intellectual Radcliff Lemone realized that by stuffing his wares into the dried scrotums of large animals, he could claim to be exporting delicacies to distant eastern Europe, a cover story which pandered to the xenophobia of 16th century British society.

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  • Teabag
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  • The teabag dates back to the year 1538, when narcotics smugglers discovered an infallible method of transporting their wares overseas. Smuggler and intellectual Radcliff Lemone realized that by stuffing his wares into the dried scrotums of large animals, he could claim to be exporting delicacies to distant eastern Europe, a cover story which pandered to the xenophobia of 16th century British society.
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abstract
  • The teabag dates back to the year 1538, when narcotics smugglers discovered an infallible method of transporting their wares overseas. Smuggler and intellectual Radcliff Lemone realized that by stuffing his wares into the dried scrotums of large animals, he could claim to be exporting delicacies to distant eastern Europe, a cover story which pandered to the xenophobia of 16th century British society. The addition of the tea leaf to the inventories of contrabandists occurred in the early 1700s. A high profile Irish chemist, Baileys O'Chug, conducted research which proved beyond doubt the fatal effects of tea on the brunette population. Tea was immediately rendered a class-A drug, along with cocaine, heroin, butter and LSD. Tea remained the most smuggled substance in Europe until 1752, the year in which Baileys O'Chug first gained sobriety. Looking on his research with sober eyes, he immediately established inconsistencies between the foundations of his claims and accepted fact (One such error in O'Chug's work was his description of poison ivy as "the contraception God gave us": a blunder which not only lead to an outbreak of genital rash in the fundamentalist Catholic community, but also to a great number of unwanted and miscoloured babies) Discovering the error of O'Chug's claims, tea was immediately declassified, rendering its smuggling unnecessary. However, in spite of this change in the law, which should have rendered the teabag useless, it continued to bear significance: the British Aristocracy, who still held a position of cultural authority, had developed a taste for the scrotally-tainted tealeaves, and chose to continue using the teabag when brewing tea for this reason. While the animal-scotum bags were eventually phased out following sustained attacks from the RSPCA (who questioned its fairness to the involved animals) and the International Alliance of Psychiatrists (who questioned its sanity), eventually replaced with the synthetic pouches favoured in the present day. Also used as an insult on Halo.
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