For Cricket Fans I Assume 13:53, December 24, 2009 (UTC) OK, I'm a cricket fan, I know whereof I speak. I'll pad up and head to the crease for this one. -- 17:37, Jan 22
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| rdfs:label
| - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Mark Robinson
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| rdfs:comment
| - For Cricket Fans I Assume 13:53, December 24, 2009 (UTC) OK, I'm a cricket fan, I know whereof I speak. I'll pad up and head to the crease for this one. -- 17:37, Jan 22
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| dcterms:subject
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| Mcomment
| - That's a better average than his, at least! ;-)
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| Pcomment
| - Formatting is essentially sound
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| Icomment
| - Three of them. Of which, the third is the best used - that is, it looks artificial, but makes sense in context, and the caption is amusing in context. The first is a bit small, and the caption is wayyyyyyy too long - it needs to be more concise. The second is also a little small, and could do with a snappier caption, but it's OK.
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| Pscore
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| Ccomment
| - No problem here, it's a good idea for an article. One of the worst batsmen of all time? People love a good failure, and it can make for good comedy. But you need to concentrate on the good ideas, and make the article a bit easier to read. At the very least, that would mean calling in the proofreading service, but as I say, I'm willing to help if you want.
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| Cscore
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| Hcomment
| - OK, this is a tough one for me to review, but I'll give it my best shot
OK, let's make a positive start: what did I like about this? Well, I liked the idea, but I'll focus on that in the next section. I also liked that second quote - the confusion and comparison is amusing to anyone who knows what you mean; I like the idea of batsmen getting bored waiting for his deliveries, although the line itself could be delivered better; I like the idea of using a metal bat and magnetic balls ; I like the idea of a collection of his thoughts during his record-breaking streak, but I don't think the diary format works for it - a diary is considered, and after the event, while what you're trying to impart here is in the moment, more like a running commentary - if you can find a better format to make it feel natural, this could be more interesting.
That's some positives, but they're more about ideas than what's there. Why? Well, I could cover this in the prose section, but... it's kinda obvious that English is not your first language, is it? Nothing wrong with that - non-native speakers of English have had a few featured articles on here over the years, and I'm vastly impressed with anyone who can speak another language enough to attempt to write humour in it But when it comes to translating your ideas into a good, readable article, it does leave you at a slight disadvantage. The problem here is that many of the issues with this article are related to that, and it's hard to see how I can explain how to improve them without making this the longest review ever, and turning it into a long and boring English lesson. So here's what I propose instead: I'll come aboard and help with this article, make it a collaboration. How does that sound?
I will try not to lose your good ideas, but to try and write them in a way that will work better for native speakers and allow them to see the jokes more easily. I'll also try to make the article a little more approachable to cricket atheists . And I'll just try to help the good ideas you have flourish. You are welcome to turn this offer down, in which case, I'll return to this review and just give you maybe 5 - 10 points as to ways you can improve this article and leave you to it: your choice, let me know on my talk page.
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| Iscore
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| Hscore
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| Fcomment
| - OK, that's not a great score, but it's not hideous either. Thing is, as I say, there is potential here, and a genuinely amusing article could come out of this - it just needs a bit of work to remove some ideas that don't work, some more work to add maybe one or two more that do, a re-think of the diary format, and a chunk of work on the language. I'm happy to help if you want, if not, I wish you the very best of luck!
Oh - one other thing. I seem to remember when you nominated the Cricket article, you claimed to know nothing of the sport - was that a bit inaccurate, or are you a really quick learner? ;-)
Finally, as ever, please remember this is only my opinion, others are available. And good luck!
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| Signature
| - --Under_user/sig3 (18:12, Jan 22)
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| abstract
| - For Cricket Fans I Assume 13:53, December 24, 2009 (UTC) OK, I'm a cricket fan, I know whereof I speak. I'll pad up and head to the crease for this one. -- 17:37, Jan 22
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