(1:1) Paul, and Silvanus, and Timotheus, unto the church of the Thessalonians which is in God the Father and in the Lord Jesus Christ: Greetings, morons. (1:2) Forgive my language, for my companions assist me in this letter, and believe, as I do, that a dog could learn our commands faster than you. (1:3) But I recant, my dearest brethren. (1:4) We are bound to thank God for you, as your faith and love for one another groweth. (1:5) And yet, we also wonder what exactly it will take for you to put two and two together. (1:10) But perhaps ye are God’s children because of it, not in spite.
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| - UnBooks:Third Epistle to the Thessalonians
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| - (1:1) Paul, and Silvanus, and Timotheus, unto the church of the Thessalonians which is in God the Father and in the Lord Jesus Christ: Greetings, morons. (1:2) Forgive my language, for my companions assist me in this letter, and believe, as I do, that a dog could learn our commands faster than you. (1:3) But I recant, my dearest brethren. (1:4) We are bound to thank God for you, as your faith and love for one another groweth. (1:5) And yet, we also wonder what exactly it will take for you to put two and two together. (1:10) But perhaps ye are God’s children because of it, not in spite.
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| - Third Epistle to the Thessalonians
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| Notes
| - The Third Epistle to the Thessalonians, also known as the The Third Letter to the Thessalonians, is a purported letter from St. Paul to the community at Thessalonika. Debates over the authenticity of 3 Thessalonians have raged since at least the second century, for, unlike the first two epistles to the church, in which Paul expressed love and support to the Christians in the city while attempting to answer their questions, the apostle completely loses it in this third letter, and liberally sprinkles his escathology with insults like "doofus" and "morons."
Modern scholars tend to reject the epistle's authenticity outright. However, if 3 Thessalonians is authentic, it was probably composed sometime between 55 and 58 A.D.
: — Excerpted from Third Epistle to the Thessalonians on Uncyclopedia, The Content-free Encyclopedia.
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| abstract
| - (1:1) Paul, and Silvanus, and Timotheus, unto the church of the Thessalonians which is in God the Father and in the Lord Jesus Christ: Greetings, morons. (1:2) Forgive my language, for my companions assist me in this letter, and believe, as I do, that a dog could learn our commands faster than you. (1:3) But I recant, my dearest brethren. (1:4) We are bound to thank God for you, as your faith and love for one another groweth. (1:5) And yet, we also wonder what exactly it will take for you to put two and two together. (1:6) We shall glory in our Lord Jesus once ye people show the mental capacity of a brain-damaged cow; for it is life to us if ye keep your faith in the Lord unchanged. (1:7) By his mercy have ye been guided this far on the path to righteousness; surely ye must not need help further? (1:8) But, alas, thus far ye have dashed all my hopes and dreams for your people, and ye have been relegated to a barren place in my heart. (1:9) To think that I relied on you when I could have relied on God, who is not known for such dumbness. (1:10) But perhaps ye are God’s children because of it, not in spite.
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