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| - :[After kicking a child in the testicles]
:Stewie: Anyone else want to feel my Reebok in their grapes? Then you'll all do as I say!
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:Stewie: So be it! I'll do to you what B.C. does to comedy on a daily basis.
:[Cutaway to a B.C. comic strip]
:Caveman #1: Hey, why is Juan so happy?
:Caveman #2: I think he finally figured himself out.
:Caveman #1: Huh, I guess it takes Juan to know Juan.
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:TV Announcer: We now return to Morgan Freeman starring in The Narrator.
:Morgan Freeman: Ever since I was a little boy, people have enjoyed the sound of my voice. And I figured you either get busy talkin or you get busy dyin'. The work is really quite easy. Why even right now I'm just sitting in a chair, sipping some tea and reading from a script. The wall is covered in something that resembles egg crates except they're soft and spongy, like a Twinkie...like a Twinkie.
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:Lois: [taking a pregnancy test] Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
:Peter: Oh God, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewie, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
:Brian: Peter, those aren't your kids. That's the Nick @ Nite lineup.
:Peter: Blanka, Zangief, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
:Brian: That's Street Fighter.
:Peter: Red, blue, green...
:Brian: Those are colors.
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:Peter: Lois, men aren't fat. Only fat women are fat.
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:Peter: Oh, hey Hogzilla. You seen my hot wife Lois anywhere?
:Lois: No, I haven't. Maybe she's out looking for a man who can satisfy her.
:Peter: [laughs sarcastically] Hey, do me a favor. When you're in bed, point your butt the other way. Last night, you farted, I swear to God, I thought someone was stickin' me with the cigarette lighter from the car. You're fat.
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:Bertram: What took you so long?
:Stewie: What took you so ugly?
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:Lois: Why should I get my tubes tied? You should get a vasectomy.
:Peter: First of all, I don't know what that is. And second of all, no freakin' way!
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:Joe: A lot of the guys on the force have had vasectomies, and their lives haven't changed at all.
:Cleveland: Would you ever have one?
:Joe: Never!!
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