About: Battle of Trafalgar   Sponge Permalink

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In 1802 France and Great Britain had signed a peace treaty at Amiens after a decade of trying to kill each other. France had fought under the banner Liberté, égalité, fraternité whilst the English had spilt their blood for Roast Beef, Yorkshire Pudding and Gravy. Both sides admitted they were mutually knackered after ten years of constant war ever since French king Louis XVI and his Austrian apple strudel wife Marie Antoinette had been downsized by a guillotine. The French had beaten or chased away everyone else's army but had been unable to crush the British at sea. This didn't make France's leader Napoleon Bonaparte very happy. He was also looking to upgrade his job as First Ford Consul of the French Republic for something a bit grander like Vice Ford Focus or Emperor Ford Intercontinent

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rdfs:label
  • Battle of Trafalgar
rdfs:comment
  • In 1802 France and Great Britain had signed a peace treaty at Amiens after a decade of trying to kill each other. France had fought under the banner Liberté, égalité, fraternité whilst the English had spilt their blood for Roast Beef, Yorkshire Pudding and Gravy. Both sides admitted they were mutually knackered after ten years of constant war ever since French king Louis XVI and his Austrian apple strudel wife Marie Antoinette had been downsized by a guillotine. The French had beaten or chased away everyone else's army but had been unable to crush the British at sea. This didn't make France's leader Napoleon Bonaparte very happy. He was also looking to upgrade his job as First Ford Consul of the French Republic for something a bit grander like Vice Ford Focus or Emperor Ford Intercontinent
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dbkwik:uncyclopedi...iPageUsesTemplate
Revision
  • 5591946(xsd:integer)
Date
  • 2012-10-18(xsd:date)
abstract
  • In 1802 France and Great Britain had signed a peace treaty at Amiens after a decade of trying to kill each other. France had fought under the banner Liberté, égalité, fraternité whilst the English had spilt their blood for Roast Beef, Yorkshire Pudding and Gravy. Both sides admitted they were mutually knackered after ten years of constant war ever since French king Louis XVI and his Austrian apple strudel wife Marie Antoinette had been downsized by a guillotine. The French had beaten or chased away everyone else's army but had been unable to crush the British at sea. This didn't make France's leader Napoleon Bonaparte very happy. He was also looking to upgrade his job as First Ford Consul of the French Republic for something a bit grander like Vice Ford Focus or Emperor Ford Intercontinental. So in 1804 Napoleon had invited Pope Pius VII to Paris for a supposed surprise party and instead held an imperial rave in Notre Dame. Now as Emperor Napoleon I he pretended that as he had a new job, he had no recollection of signing a treaty with the English or anyone called King George III. It would be war again. In England, poet-singer-guitarist Joseph Strummer summed up the national mood: England calling to far away France War is declared, get out of our bus England calling to our warriors we love Phoney Francophilia has bitten the dust The British sent a messenger to their great naval hero, Viscount Horatio Roger Nelson who was living in Sin (a little English hamlet next to the village of Much Fucking) with the blowsy Emma Hamilton. Nelson had been out of favour since he trashed Legoland back in 1801 in a drunken, rum fuelled rage after the battle of Copenhagen. Though the British had won and torched the Danish fleet, Nelson's subsequent on-shore rampage saw the disgraced sea pitbull relegated to the naval reserve on half pay and diluted brandy. When peace came in 1802, Nelson had retrained as a one-handed gardener to please (and pleasure) Emma. But Nelson missed the sea spray, the sound of seagulls and the company of salty sailors so when the British admiralty offered him the command of the fleet against the old enemy, Nelson grasped the opportunity with one hand. He dropped his hedge-clippers and curlers and reported for duty once more. In a touching scene, Nelson walked out on Emma, telling her he was just popping out to buy a newspaper. It took the raddled floozy a few days to realise her patched-up paramour had gone forever, as Nelson had 'done a runner'.
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