I`ve been working on with this so hell long. But I think this sort of, you know, sucks. But I want to know which part sucks? Or does it suck, after all? I need answers.
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| - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Final Fantasy V
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| - I`ve been working on with this so hell long. But I think this sort of, you know, sucks. But I want to know which part sucks? Or does it suck, after all? I need answers.
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| Mcomment
| - I have to be blunt here: I really can't say that it's a great re-write, although you don't have much to work with in the first place, as the idiots who wrote the article obviously weren't trying very hard. I can't say for certain that your rewrite is any worse than the original; I think if you improved it slightly you'd be ahead, so at this point, I think the two are dead even.
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| Pcomment
| - The tone, grammar and spelling are inconsistent, and often very bad - although...maybe this is part of the joke? If this is the case, once again...MOAR OBVEEUS...for the dopes .
Remember, tiny details like punctuation will make or break a joke:
:"FF V is also faumous from it`s sequel serie FF Sims, where the player could raise chocobos and have kids with moogles, just like in the real world."
With proper punctuation, a perplexed imbecile reader would get an unsubtle hint that this sentence is INTENTIONALLY perplexing:
:"FF V was followed by its famous sequel series, FF Sims, where the player could raise chocobos and have kids with moogles. Just like in the real world!"
I'm not familiar with a chocobo but now it has been identified, by the italics, as being an in-universe thing. The reader is now in on the joke. Ha-ha!s ensue.
Most of the jokes would work better if they were expository, meaning, they mocked the game whilst simultaneously explaining it for the noob . If the joke doesn't explain the feature/plot point, it should at least mock its complexity .
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| Icomment
| - As for the images...well, they just don't look funny. A guy cutting down a tree...the Evil Tree is finally dead...eh. I don't get it. The main shot of the FF V cartridge - is that an actual cartridge?!? If not, why's it supposed to be amusing? I think the pics are a little too matter-of-fact. Two of them don't even have jokes in their captions.
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| Ccomment
| - Obviously, you are attempting to approach the subject from a straight-forward point of view . This can be less than inspired, compared to articles, like America, which confront their subject as something completely different from what they are. I suspect Final Fantasy V might be a better article if the author seemed to think the subject was a book, or real life or such - rather than as a video game.
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| Fcomment
| - I suppose this has promise, and I don't want to zip up, only to turn around and go No. 2 on this article, as you've said you've worked very hard on it. But because an average idiot doesn't get the jokes at first sight, I think it needs more work, and I give it a score of "Incomplete. Please work on it some more, to ensure that it is Funny And Not Just Stupid™".
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| abstract
| - I`ve been working on with this so hell long. But I think this sort of, you know, sucks. But I want to know which part sucks? Or does it suck, after all? I need answers.
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