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| - "Fish guts!" the cream she-cat cursed as brambles snagged at her fur for the umpteenth time. Struggling against the thorny bush's grip, she broke free, tumbling forward and landing face-first in the mud. Great. Just great. Getting to her feet gingerly, she limped forward a few more steps, eyesight blurred by tears and mud rather than the foggy drizzle that was turning the ground to slush underpaw. "Hello?" she croaked hoarsely, mentally cursing herself for coming here. She couldn't even remember how to get to the ThunderClan camp. Knowing her luck, she would wander around this so-called Clan's territory for ages, slipping and sliding in the mud, till a patrol of cats found her and laughed her right out of the region. What a joke she was. She'd ventured out of the alleyways and into the forest as some kind of rebellious act against Claw, and here she was, with no clue how to get to ThunderClan or back home, fur matted and damp, stomach growling like a truck in full drive. "Joy?" An incredulous voice broke through her pity party. Jerking her head up, she found herself met with a pair of the bluest eyes she'd ever seen. "Troutfur," she whispered, too tired to do anything else but sway unsteadily on her paws, afraid she'd fall again if she dared to try walking. His face twisted with concern, and he rushed forward, pressing his flank against her's to support her. "W-what are you doing here, Joy?" Cracking a rueful smile, Joy flicked her ears at him. "Isn't it obvious? I'm enjoying a lovely walk in the rain and mud." Whiskers twitching, Troutfur gave a dry sniff. "I can see that." Despite the way his eyes rolled, a sort of caring look shone through anyway. Nudging her with his nose, he murmured, "Did... did something happen with Claw?" "No. Yes. Maybe." Joy squeezed her eyes shut tightly, droplets of rain collecting on her eyelashes and beading her cheeks. While she stood like that, unmoving, she missed the look of helpless longing Troutfur gave her. Even with her creamy fur splattered with mud and thorns caught in it, there was something inexplicably beckoning about her. He wouldn't be mouse-brained and say she was beautiful no matter what, but- okay, yes, he would. Despite the gray drizzle of rain all around them, she was beautiful. And she wasn't his. She wasn't, and could never be. So he should just stop with this silly type of thinking right now. "What did Claw do?" he asked softly. Finally reopening her eyes, she stared at her paws for a long moment. Then, hastily, she began to turn around, as if she was going to just walk away. "I shouldn't have come here at all, actually. This is your Clan's territory, and I'm intruding, not to mention wasting your time-" "Joy." Moving to block her path, Troutfur stood so that their noses were only inches apart. "Tell me what happened." A single, telltale sigh escaped her lips. "I want to leave Claw." "So leave him." Troutfur cringed at the insensitivity in his own words. "It's not that easy. Never mind, I'm-" "No, wait, I'm sorry. I know you can't just do that. But what I don't get is why you can't just let me head over to Twolegplace and attack that stupid cat. His posse of rogues too." "I've told you before, that'll only stir up trouble between his group and ThunderClan. And I don't want your Clanmates suffering for it," she said adamantly, her stance wearied but unbudging. Searching her thin little face with his eyes, Troutfur felt his heart twist. "I almost don't care. You don't deserve to have to stay with that piece of fox-dung." Joy only continued staring at the ground, feeling shame seep through every part of her body. What was she doing, troubling Troutfur with her woes once again? He had so many other things to worry about. He led a happy life in the Clan--or at least, he had before he'd befriended her, with her multitude of complaints and problems. Yet her lost little paws had led her to him today. She knew she couldn't be with him, and yet she kept coming back, because as much as she hated to admit it, she'd come to treasure their relationship. It was special to her. And, in its preciousness, it was dangerous. "You know, I shouldn't be here," she repeated her thoughts aloud, tone almost conversational. But he caught the hint of regret in it, and he sprang upon the chance that maybe there was a small part of her that also wanted to be with him, much as she tried to hide it. After all, she had come to find him, hadn't she? Troutfur tried to flatter himself that she needed him. "Don't say that. I'm glad you came here, but... I wish you'd tell me what Claw did." Guilt flashed in her eyes, deep and unmistakable. "I wish I could tell you." He felt his heart skip a little beat. "Why can't you tell me? I only want to help." Joy winced, innards twisting themselves into sickening knots. Every inch of her tortured heart was begging her to just tell Troutfur the truth about Claw, and she loathed herself for not having the guts to do it. She owed him the truth. The truth might save his life. He'd saved her life, basically, with his kindness and friendship. Why couldn't she repay him? The rainy downpour around them was intensifying, and she could feel the wetness numbing her already-too-cold bones. Taking a shuddering breath, she said, "Troutfur, if I tell you a secret about Claw, do you promise me something?" "Promise you what?" he asked, almost suspicious. "You have to promise me that you'll do something for me, if I tell you," she said, her mind already racing fox-lengths ahead, formulatig a crazy, desperate plan. "I promise." He smiled genuinely. "You can trust me." In spite of herself, her heart warmed a little bit. "I know I can." What if he hated her after she told him? What if he thought she'd known about this all along, and hidden it from him? What if he thought she was in on it? Those were all risks she'd have to take. "Claw's planning to attack ThunderClan," she blurted. Troutfur's head jerked up at the news his beloved Clan was in danger. "What?" he asked, eyes bugging out. "When? Why? Where? How?" "I don't know, that's all I overheard," she said, already spinnning around on her paws. His tail caught around hers, halting her in her tracks. "Joy! Where are you going?" Without looking at him, she shot a pained look at the dreary sky above. "You promised you'd do something for me. What I want you to do is let me go." The confused look on his face was almost kit-like. "Go? Go where?" "Go wherever I'm going," she replied vaguely. "What I'm saying is-" Her voice broke, much to her chagrin, and she swallowed hard. "What I'm saying is don't follow me. Don't look for me. I've got to try to get out of here before Claw finds me. I need to escape." That was an illusion. She knew she wouldn't be able to escape Claw. At least she'd managed to warn Troutfur. Obviously in utter bewilderment, Troutfur said, "I'm not letting you-" "You promised," she reminded him. Realizing he wouldn't relent, she whispered, "I'm sorry." Then she smashed into him, throwing all her weight into his chest. She was a lot smaller than him, but the element of surprise was on her side, allowing her to topple him over into the undergrowth. Joy turned and ran, not sparing a single glance backwards. She wouldn't have been able to see through her tears anyway. Tap on my window knock on my door
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