Hey, please have a look at the Eddie Izzard article I revamped from it's original shambles.
| Attributes | Values |
|---|
| rdfs:label
| - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Eddie Izzard
|
| rdfs:comment
| - Hey, please have a look at the Eddie Izzard article I revamped from it's original shambles.
|
| dcterms:subject
| |
| Mcomment
| |
| Pcomment
| - Not really any typos to worry about, the formatting's OK, but there's maybe one or two too many red links, and it looks a bit sparse . Not bad.
|
| Icomment
| - Two. They're relevant in that they're of him, but not in that they don't relate to any of the text. Can you find a way to make them more closely work with your concept? That would help. Also, you probably need one more for this size article. I have a large size screen - if I can fit any part of an article on it without seeing at least part of an image, you probably need another. I'd also suggest right aligning that second one and making it bigger.
|
| Pscore
| |
| Ccomment
| - Here's the main problem: you don't really have a central idea, you're just writing down whatever you can think of that you think is funny about Eddie, which is the wrong way to start. You start by figuring out what the article is about - what the main idea of it is. You could choose to do a standard biography; try to write an article about him in the style of his delivery ; try to establish why he has such a fondness for jam ; focus on where he gets his ideas from or whatever - get a strong idea first, and then try to write about it: you should find that the article is easier to write, and also works better.
|
| Cscore
| |
| Hcomment
| - Hum, that's not a massive score to start with, is it? But don't get discouraged, keep reading, and I'll explain a few things about how to put that right.
First of all, let's look at the quotes - there are too many of them, particularly as your opening. If you must have quotes, one is good, two at most, don't go for too many more, that just clutters things up. So I'd maybe stick to the first one, which is probably the best, and lose the rest.
Next, coherence. I don't necessarily mean just the ability to write sentences in English, I'm talking more about the ability to make the article flow from one section to another, as opposed to feeling like it's a collection of almost unrelated ideas that you're jumping between when you get bored of one. Eddie himself is a master of this - although much of his material is absurd, he manages to get it to hang together in a way that at least seems coherent until you go home and start to think about it a bit more. So spend some time trying to make sure all of your article works together, it's worth it.
Now we'll move on to some things that we see far too much of around here, and don't really help the article:
*Name dropping . Just putting the names of random well-known people or characters in doesn't add funny, and often it actually detracts from it
*Too many sex jokes - yes, we're all adults here, or at least old enough to use the computer without our parents watching, but jokes about schlong size, being gay, masturbation etc, unless they're part of an overall theme, get wearisome quite quickly.
*Using his material - we know the guy is funny, but having you repeat some of his stuff to us doesn't work in the same way. If I want Eddie material, I'll watch him on Youtube or DVD or something. Write an article about him, don't regurgitate his stuff.
*Absurdly large numbers - he's had 7 million men, has he? Naw. Two points here, one being that a little exaggeration is funny, a colossal over-exaggeration of that magnitude just looks daft; the other is that this entire section doesn't add much
|
| Iscore
| |
| Hscore
| |
| Fcomment
| - You were probably hoping for a better score, but don't be too downhearted - that's not too far off an average score from me, and I think that with some more work, you can really bring this up to speed. The trick is not to get discouraged by the score, but to see if you can see where I'm coming from. You may not agree with all the points , and that's your right, but I've been on this site a few years now, and I'm trying to give you an idea of what might help this article do well on this site. So I hope you at least think about what I've said - I love Eddie Izzard, and I think we do need a good article on him. I hope you can be the one to provide it!
Don't forget, this is only my opinion, others are available. and good luck!
|
| dbkwik:uncyclopedi...iPageUsesTemplate
| |
| Signature
| - --Under_user/sig3 (18:17, Oct 1)
|
| abstract
| - Hey, please have a look at the Eddie Izzard article I revamped from it's original shambles.
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)