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| - On an interview with Lukis100 Stephen said, "I believe this country has everything it needs. In fact, it has more than it should have. I believe America would be better off without some things. For example, bears. Those godless killing machines should be sent elsewhere, like, I don't know, Iraq." Stephen is running on a campaign which emphasizes 8 proposals which he calls the "The Big Eight." They are:
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| abstract
| - On an interview with Lukis100 Stephen said, "I believe this country has everything it needs. In fact, it has more than it should have. I believe America would be better off without some things. For example, bears. Those godless killing machines should be sent elsewhere, like, I don't know, Iraq." Stephen is running on a campaign which emphasizes 8 proposals which he calls the "The Big Eight." They are: 1.
* No to bears. 2.
* No to people that do not watch the Colbert Report. 3.
* No to religions that do not accept the truth, that Jesus Christ is the true savior. 4.
* No to "facts" without guts. 5.
* No to Homosexuals outside the godless state of Massachusetts. 6.
* No to people that do not go to the most truthy show in America, The Colbert Report, after being put on notice. 7.
* No to people that Papa Bear and Geraldo Rivera do not like. 8.
* No to war. Unless God says it's ok, and in that case Colbert would change his mind, but in ONLY those circumstances. 9.
* No to people who don't break rules. The slogan for his campaign, "Balls for America," came to him in a dream where God told him that America needed him. His vast political experience makes him one of the top runners for the President Election of 2008. Each of Stephen's proposals are issues that have deeply affected him. For example, proposal 8. In several interviews Stephen has shared his experiences as a former POW in a war so horrible that history decided not to record it. Having been captured without any way of communicating with his beloved America, Stephen fell into a deep state of depression. Luckily for him, a fellow American by the code name 'Charlene' saved him, only to disappear after having a short romantic relationship with Stephen. To this day Stephen cannot forget the love and affection he held for 'Charlene', and still thinks about her to this day. Stephen will start campaigning "as soon as the other guys have a chance to beat me." His confidence in himself is remarkable and is said to be one of his greatest assets, along with his expertise on a wide range of subjects. His own patented method for seeing the future, "The Da Colbert Code," has allowed him to predict his seat in the White House. Recently confirmed, after an interview with Lukis100, Jon Stewart will run with Stephen for Vice-President. When asked by Lukis100 about whether he was going to run Jon said, "Stephen approached me and we have been talking about it. It is a big decision after all and I need to think about it." After hearing the response, Lukis100 questioned Jon about whether he had the balls for running. After what could be considered perhaps the most amazing piece of journalism ever, Jon called Stephen and agreed to be his running mate. Stephen's goal as President of the United States is to realize his vision of what a great nation should be like. A Colbert Nation if you will. For those people who admire Stephen, his campaign managers have created a website Colbert Nation, which answers questions as to how great Stephen really is. The bettors have put his odds of winning the Presidency from 800-1 before he announced to 500-1 after he announced. After the South Carolina Primary, this number's gonna drop to 1-1, because then Colbert's greatness will be revealed to all, and everyone (even the other people running for office) will see how totally frigging cool it would be to have Colbert in office.
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