| abstract
| - Mr. Sludgey (singing): So raise the shields and have some joy, 'cause Christmas time is heeere! Child: That was great, Mr. Sludgy! Now, will you tell us the story of the most horrible Christmas ever? Mr. Sludgy: No, little girl. No I won't. Mr. Sludgy: Wait... yes, I will! Well, it's a little hazy, but it all started 2 million years ago... Mr. Sludgy (v.o.): ...with a little green nuclear mole, named Zim! Mr. Sludgy (v.o.): Now, Zim hated humans more than anything! Zim: Stink, stink, stink, stiiinking humaaans!! Mr. Sludgy: But he didn't know much about Christmas now, did he? Zim: Watch my dog eat snow! You! Watch the snow-eating! Zim: The amazing snow-eating trick isn't working! The filthy horrible humans aren't giving us any Earth moneys. We need Earth moneys to appear as normal Earth-pigs. Hiiii-YA! Zim: MiniMoose! Zim: How much have we earned? Zim: Too-naa!?! Tuna is worth nothing!! Zim: Why does no one give moneys to Zim!?! Zim: There! That grubby red human! Zim: He's taking all my moneys! Zim: You! Stop stealing all the- Zim: Huh!?! Hmmm!?! Hmm!?! Oohhh!?! He's got reinforcements! They're everywhere! What are they!?! Mall Santa: And what do you want, little boy or girl? GIR: I wants me a barrel of floss! Mall Santa: Hmm mmm... GIR: I wants me two balls of glue- Mall Santa: Hmm mmm... GIR: -TO BE MY FRIENDS! And I wants to go dancing NAKED! Mall Santa: Hmm mmm... GIR: And I wants... GIR: And a chair made 'a cheese- Mall Santa: Hmm mmm! GIR: And a table made 'a cheese and a... Mall Santa: Uuuh! No more! Get this kid away from me! Zim (still in new human suit): My little child just loves you and I just... now, GIR! Zim: Let's go! Before anyone notices! Mall Santa: What is that!?! Zim: Oh, uh, that's MiniMoose, my, eh, OTHER sidekick, eh-hm. Yep! Been with me the whole time! GIR: Mmmm-mm! Zim: No candy for you, chub-monster! Until you tell me everything you know about these red bearded men who smell of ham, and VOMIIIT! Mall Santa: Oh... you must mean... Santa! Zim (confused): You are... San-tah? Mall Santa: No no, we're just Santa's helpers! Zim: And you all report to this... San... TAAAA? Mall Santa: Well, nobody's ever seen the real Santa, but the world over loves Santa. And everyone waits with hope in their hearts for the day when he returns to his people. Zim: Everyone!?! Hmmm... Computer! Drain the human's brain of all Santa knowledge! Zim: X-mas? Hmmmm.... Dib: You stare at that dog every Christmas, Gaz! Come on, already! It's creepy. Gaz: Three Christmases ago, that dog ate the head off Bitey the Vampire! You said so yourself! I haven't forgotten. Dib: Well, fixing an alien spaceship is hard enough without you distracting me. Gaz: Besides, any moron could fix the ship faster than you. Dib: Well... Dib: Can any moron do.. THIS!?! Dib (o.s.): Sorry, everyone! ...Again! Prof. Membrane: Power is restored to the Earth once more. It's a good thing I exist! Prof. Membrane: Oh no! Santa! WHUH Anchor: Yes, Santa Claus himself has returned to his people and just in time for Christmas! Check out this footage! WHUH anchor: The response has been overwhelming! Citizen: I can't believe he's back! Woman: My heart explodes with joy! WHUH anchor (v.o.): And even our Presidentman has given up his power, making room for Santa. Presidentman: It's alllll yours, Santa! WHUH anchor: We have Santa himself in an exclusive interview! Santa, speak to us! Zim: People of Earth, I have returned! To reclaim my rightful place as ruler of this world! All will obey Santa in this new world order! Oh yeah! Rejoice, brothers! Crowd: Hail Santa! WHUH anchor: That sounds like a lot of fun. Prof. Membrane: I've never trusted that jolly, fat man! Prof. Membrane: Oh boy! I asked Santa to bring me 12 cases of Uranium 238! Yay! Prof. Membrane: Noo!! Santa has let me down! I will turn my back on him and devote a portion of my life to destroying Santa! Dib: Jeez, Dad... Zim: Oh yeahhh! And I command all you Earth monkeys to gather at the jolly Christmas rallies I'm holding all over the globe... to receive further instructions! Dib: Earth monkeys!?! Oh no! Zim (echoing): Oh yeahhh! Zim: We don't have much time! I only hope the suit can absorb all the Santa data! This is not going to be easy, GIR! Zim: Look at all those... children! Announcer: People of Earth! I give you... Santa Claus! Crowd (chanting): Santa! Santa! (over and over) Bow Down Bow Down Before the power of Santa Or be crushed be crushed By His jolly boots of doom. Zim: Ho ho ho! Santa has returned for all the good little boys and girls of the world... to announce a new Christmas tradition! Zim: It's the yuletide "helping of Santa to build a giant teleporter capable of sending all humans to their doom"! Zim: My Labor Sleighs will take you to the North Pole, where you will build the teleporter! The Labor Sleighs lower down into the stadium. Audience member: Will being teleported to our doom be fun and Christmasey? Zim: Ho ho ho ho ho ho! Of course it will, you hideous fool! Crowd: Yaaaay!! Hail Santa! Hail Santa! Woman: Santa Master? These cute kids would love to sit on your lap and beg for presents! Girl: Pweeeease, Santa? Pweeeeeeee- Girl: -eeeease? Zim: Great ghost of dooky! Zim faces the crowd. GIR sucks on two candy canes at once. Zim: Eh... um... Of course, filthies. Eh... Come to Santa. Zim: Ho ho ho! Ow ow ow ow ow! Ew, ew! Drool! Get off! Zim: Wait! What's happening!?! Zim (deeper voice): What is the suit doing!?! Zim: Ho ho ho, children! Zim: I love you! All of you! Elves! Zim: Wrap up everything I have and give it to these good people here! Zim: No! Give that stuff back! Zim: And get off of Santa! Now! Zim: Get off! Get off! Get off! Zim: I didn't tell the suit to do any of that! Dib (o.s.): What's the matter, Santa!?! Zim: Dib! Dib: How do we know THIS is the real Santa!?! Zim: Eh, of course I'm Santa! I have robot elves! Crowd: Ooooooh! Crowd member: Robot elves!! Just like in the stories! Dib: What stories had robot elves? Everyone, remember last Christmas when you thought that escaped Gorilla was Santa? Crowd member: He wasn't!?! Zim: Now, now. Christmas is a time to be kind to all the boys and girls of the world. Unless their heads are filthy with lies! To the jingle jail with the non-believer! Dib: Nooo! Noooo!! Dib: You won't get away with this, Zim! I won't let you ruin Christmas! Zim: Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, Dib! Merry Christmas! Zim: Ho ho ho ho ho ho! Ho ho ho ho ho! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! (commercial break) Mr. Sludgy: Well, things looked bad for Dib. Zim had fooled the whole world. But he didn't know much about Christmas now, did he? Child (o.s.): I don't get it! Child: Why does he want to take over the Earth so badly? What does he have to gain, or to loose!?! And the mechanizations of this malfunctioning Santa suit completely elude me! Mr. Sludgy: As I was saying, things looked bad for Dib. Zim was already preparing for his trip to the North Pole when... Zim: Hurry it up! All this horrible jolliness is getting to me! You! Zim points a candy cane at MiniMoose. MiniMoose squeaks. Zim: Stop being jolly! Dib: Hmmm... Something has Zim worried. If I could just get out of this cell, I.... Dib: Hey! Dib: These are made of real candy cane! Zim: It's funny, robot Elf. I've never seen you before... but you're the only one I can talk to right now, you know? Dib: Hmmm... Hmm mmm! Zim: It all seemed so perfect! Zim (v.o.): If there's one thing humans can't resist, it's a fat man with presents! So, I became that fat man! Zim (v.o.): The hardest part was making the Santa suit! I used a Vortian liquid substance. Zim (v.o.): Every molecule is a tiny hard drive I filled up with all the Santa data I could find. The Vortian liquid forms into the Santa suit. The suit waves its arms. Zim (v.o.): Look at that, that's my favorite part, there he gets all jiggly! Hehe, jiggly! Zim (v.o.): An ingenious brain interface allows me to command the suit! Thus, I become Santa! Zim presses a button on the brain interface and the Vortian liquid surrounds Zim and forms the Santa suit around him. The flashback ends. Zim: But I think I'm losing control. I programmed it too well! 'Cause I'm amazing. And now it thinks it is Santa! Anything Christmasey makes it go crazy! And it takes over, filling me with hideous jolly feelings! I'd destroy it but I need to play Santa 'til I beam humanity to the Tallest as slaves! Dib: Slaves!?! That's awful! Zim: Isn't it? But if this suit takes over, it'll ruin everything! GIR (singing): We wish you a merry jingly, we wish you a merry jingly, we wish yoooooooooou- Zim: No, GIR! No! Zim: Stop singing! Nooooo!! Zim: Ho ho ho! Little fellow, you're so cute! GIR: I am! Zim: Wuh-ho ho ho! More Christmas power for Santa! Zim: Dib! Elves! Seize him! Zim: This time throw him in the actually strong jingle jail! Dib: Why didn't you throw me in the strong one in the first place? Zim: You can never understand my amazing brain! Hope you like snow, Dib! Dib: Gaz! I'm trapped in a frozen wasteland! Gaz: Who isn't? Dib: And Zim's posing as Santa and he's gonna take over the world! Gaz: That's great, Dib. Look, I gotta go. Dib: Okay, Gaz. I think it's time I told you. The dog's innocent! I used Bitey the Vampire for a teleporter experiment and switched his head onto a fly's body! Dib: So, if you wanna beat me up, you're gonna hafta rescue me first because- Dib: Gaz? Gaz: Get in. Dib: Wow! Tak's ship! How did you-? GIR: Mmm mhmm, a little that way. No, a little back. Good, goood. Zim: GIR! Zim: The teleporter is almost built, GIR! Zim: This stabilizer should keep the suit from going crazy and ruining the ceremony! Zim: Nooo! Not the jingly bells! Zim: Enough jolly! Back to work, all of you! Christmas is almost here! The masses are coming! I need that teleporter! Dib: I can't believe it! I finally fixed it! I'm actually flying in my own alien ship! Gaz: You fixed it!?! Dib: Well... I fixed most of it! Dib: Dad! I need your help! Prof. Membrane: Look son, I'm right in the middle of- Dib: But it's Santa! He's- Prof. Membrane: Santa!?! Dib: He's evil! And he wants to annihilate all mankind! Prof. Membrane: I knew this day would come! Son, I'm giving you full access to the anti-Santa arsenal I made when I was a child! Prof. Membrane: Good luck destroying Santa! And merry Christmas. Zim: Hehehehe.. Well said, MiniMoose. Zim: people of Earth! The teleporter is ready! So get inside it, hurry up! Crowd member (trying not to cry): But Santa! It's Christmas Eve! Aren't you gonna sing Christmas carols? Zim: No! No more singing! Time to teleport! Crowd member: And aren't you gonna give us any presents? Zim: There's plenty of presents for you in the teleporter! Zim: Now go! Person: Wheeeeeee!!! Adorable child: But, Mr. Santa, before I go to my doom, can I have a hug!? Zim: Huuuh!?! Zim: Child... so cute! I'm infested! Must resist! No! Nooo!!! Zim: Of course you can have a hug, you cute little woogy! Zim: And lets all sing more songs! Zim: I am Santa! I am Santa! Zim: Nooo!!! Zim: Help! It's all lost. There's no way I can get out of this suit now! The Santa has won. Santa suit: Ho ho ho ho ho. Dib: Zim! Your Christmas time is up! Santa suit: Malfunction overload! Ho ho ho! You've been a bad little boy! Santa suit: Now Santa is going to destroy you! Hunchback woman: Rough him up real good, Johnny! Yeah! Zim: Heh? The suit is weakened! Excellent! Zim: Now, Dib! Throw it into space! Dib: I did it! Christmas is saved! Crowd member: Hey! That boy threw Santa into the cold void of space! Kap'n Claw: Chwismas is wuined fowever. Dib: Wait! Would the real Santa have mutated into a horrible blob? Dib: And would Santa have teleported you into space? You were so desperate for a real Santa that you believed a monster in a costume! That's not Christmas! Go home! Forget about this! And spend time with your families... er whatever. Crowd member: The giant metal boy is right! Crowd member: What fools we've been! Zim (o.s.): Wait! Zim: Will you listen to the evil robot boy who destroyed Santa, or will you listen to... the Easter Platypus? Zim: Easter shrimp for all if you tackle the boy who destroyed Santa! Crowd: Easter Platypus, we love you! Dib: No! No! Wait! Zim: Well, my evil mission was a success. GIR: No it wasn't! Zim: Silence! And, uh, merry Platypus one and all! GIR: Yaaay! Mr. Sludgy: That's the story of the most horrible Christmas ever! But Zim and Dib were wrong that day! Santa wasn't destroyed. Santa lives on. Child: In the hearts and minds of us all? Hm! Mr. Sludgy: No! In space! Gathering power! And every Christmas he returns to Earth- Mr. Sludgy: -and that's why we all live in this protective dome! Mr. Sludgy: Looks like Santa's here! Raise the shields, children!
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)