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| - Narrator: It’s a typical morning at the secret warehouse lair of the evil Dr. Two-Brains. Dr. Two-Brains: Bill… bill… junk mail… bill… (stops) Woo! What’s this? Winner? Ha-ha! I won! I WON! Henchman 1: What’’s going on, boss? Dr. Two-Brains: Listen to this! (reading) “Dear Dr. Two-Brains, congratulations! You have won an all-expenses paid weeklong cheese-themed cruise from Dairy Villain’s Monthly!” I WON! Henchman 1: Wow, that’s great! Dr. Two-Brains: If I’m gonna be gone a whole week, I really should find a replacement. Henchman 1: A replacement? Dr. Two-Brains: A substitute! A temporary Two-Brains to do my job while I’m away! Supervillainy’s a tough racket. You leave for a week, and boom, you just lost your place on the ten most-wanted list! Henchman 1: Ooh! Dr. Two-Brains: We’ll hold open auditions! You know, tryouts! Henchman 1: Okay, boss! Dr. Two-Brains: You’re going to have to take orders from whomever I choose as my replacement, okay? As soon as that replacement puts on this lab coat, you listen to them and only them, you got it? Henchman 1: Got it! Dr. Two-Brains: Good! Now, go put the word out. I’m looking for just the right person to play the evil, sinister, and handsome Dr. Two-Brains! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Whammer: Yeah! The Whammer has TWO brains now! And he’s gonna wham you with TWO brains! YEAH! Dr. Two-Brains: Okay, okay, I’m gonna stop you there. Not what we’re looking for, and thanks for coming. Whammer: Aww, whammer! (walks off dejected) Dr. Two-Brains: Ugh… Henchman 1: That was the last one, boss. Dr. Two-Brains: Great. Fifty-six auditions and not one person good enough to be my replacement. Oh, what am I gonna do? Glen: Am I late? Oh my gosh! That’s the actual goop ray! I’m freaking out! Dr. Two-Brains: Uh, hi. And, you are… ? Glen: Hi, my name is Glen Furlblam, and I’m seriously your number one fan! Dr. Two-Brains: Oh, well isn’t this a treat? Glen: I’m here to audition for the role of… (deep breath) ...Dr. Two-Brains! Yeah! Dr. Two-Brains: So tell me, Glen, why do you deserve to be the temporary Dr. Two-Brains? Glen: Well, first of all I know everything about you. Dr. Two-Brains: Mhm, that’s a good start. Glen: Yeah, I could totally step in and do everything that you do! Dr. Two-Brains: (laughs) Well, not everything Glen, but I like your attitude! Glen: I-- I can even make a few improvements! Dr. Two-Brains: (glares at him) Improvements? Glen: Yeah! Like your whole cheese crime thing. I mean, come on! Makes your crimes so obvious. No wonder you always get caught! Dr. Two-Brains: (a mild laugh) Okay, uh, listen Glen, I’m not sure-- Glen: I mean, why not steal other stuff too, huh? Mice like other stuff. Dr. Two-Brains: Right. You know Glen, I don’t think you’re exactly the replacement I was looking for, but hey, thanks for coming down to the lair! Glen: (hyperventilating) No! That’s ridiculous! Is it because you feel threatened ‘cause my ideas are so much better than yours? Huh? Dr. Two-Brains: Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, brother! The worst audition of the day, and he’s gloating about it! Ha! Uh, the answer’s no, kid. Now get lost! Glen: No! I’m the new Dr. Two-Brains! I’m even ready to move into your lair! See? (Holds up a tote bag.) I brought a change of clothes, and my-- my pet cats… (He opens the door of a cat carrier sitting beside him, and five pairs or angry eyes stare at Two-Brains from the dark.) Dr. Two-Brains: (panicking) You have pet cats?! Cats hate mice! Glen: (gasps) The lab coat! (He picks it up and puts it on.) Dr. Two-Brains: Henchmen! Clear these cats out of here! Henchman 1: But he’s wearin’ the lab coat! Dr. Two-Brains: So?? Henchman 1: So, you said as soon as the replacement puts on the lab coat, we should listen to them and only them. (Charlie, the other henchman, nods in agreement.) Dr. Two-Brains: No, I meant after I left! I’m still your boss! Glen: I’m wearing the lab coat, and I say he’s not your boss anymore! I am! Henchman 1: Okay, new boss. Sorry, old boss. Dr. Two-Brains: No-ho-ho! Glen: Looks like there’s a NEW Dr. Two-Brains in town! Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Narrator: Later, across town, young Becky Botsford a.k.a. WordGirl is working on her science fair project. Becky: I know it’s a lot of work, Bob, but as long as there isn’t any crime to fight, we should finish just in time for the science fair. Becky: A homemade bookbinding machine is TOO a winning idea! Scoops: Becky, big news! (notices her project) Wait, what’s that? Becky: My science fair project! A brilliant idea if I do say so myself! Becky: I am not gloating! Uh, what’s up Scoops? Scoops: Oh, I heard Dr. Two-Brains’ henchmen were spotted down at City Hall. Want to come and investigate with me? Becky: Uh, I’d love to Scoops, but I have to, uh, work on my project! (winks at Bob) Scoops: Oh! Not sure why you’re talking like that, but whatever. See ya! Becky: Come on, Bob! Our bookbinding machine will have to wait! Word UP! WordGirl: Hold it right there, you two! Care to explain what’s going on here? Henchman 1: We’re building a giant Dr. Two-Brains statue. WordGirl: Oh-- so, it’s just a big statue of Dr. Two-Brains? Henchman 1: Yep. Pretty much. WordGirl: Well-- at least, it’s made out of cheese, right? Henchman 1: Nuh-uh. Paste! WordGIrl: Ok, if you guys aren’t going to commit a crime, then I’m gonna take off. I’ve got a science fair to wi-- I mean, uh, justice to deliver! Come on, Huggy! Narrator: The next morning, back at Dr. Two-Brains’ secret lair… Glen: Did you see the morning paper? We made the front page! (Tosses the paper up to Two-Brains.) Dr. Two-Brains: ‘’(reading)’’ “A statue made of paste. Is Two-Brains losing both of his minds?” Ohh, this is terrible! The public thinks I’m losing it! Glen: Huh. They just don’t understand my genius! They’ll see. My next plan is even more brilliant than the last one! Dr. Two-Brains: You’re gloating? You didn’t even commit a crime, and you’re gloating? Listen Glen, I’m begging you. Whatever you do next, just make it an actual crime this time, huh? Please? My reputation is at stake here! Narrator: Later that afternoon, jogging to the hardware store… Becky: Come on, guys! Scoops: Why are we running? Becky: Because the science fair is tomorrow, and I need to find a hundred gallons of bookbinding glue in order to finish my machine! Scoops: A hundred gallons? That’s a lot! Becky: What’s wrong, Bob? Scoops: (gasps) That’s Dr. Two-Brains’ logo! Hmm, I smell a story! You guys comin’? Becky: Uh, no, we’re going to look for the-- uh, the glue! Yeah. Scoops: Hah! Good luck finding enough. Becky: Come on, Huggy! Two-Brains might be up to no good! Word UP! WordGirl: Hold it right there, henchies! Henchman 1: Ooh, a nickname! WordGirl: I thought I’d-- mix things up a little. Now, care to explain what you’re up to? Or should I just let you tell it to judge? Henchman 1: Okay, see, first we put up these signs, then we buy the cheese on sale and save lots of money. WordGirl: You’re kidding, right? Henchman 1: Nope. WordGirl: It’s just a terrible idea! Henchman 1: (sadly) Ohhh... Glen: (off scene) Correction, it’s a spectacular idea, WordGirl! WordGirl: Uh, and you are? Glen: It is I, the evil Dr. Two-Brains! And I will be getting high-quality cheese at low, low prices! Nobody is more evil than I am! Nobody! WordGirl: You know, I have to say your gloating is usually a lot more convincing. Glen: I wasn’t gloating! I’m not even hungry! WordGirl: Do you know what gloating means? Glen: Uh, sure I do. It’s, uh-- when you, uh, ha-ha-ha… WordGirl: Brag or boast that you’re better than someone? Glen: Correct! That’s exactly what it means! Well defined! WordGirl: Right. Whoever you are. Glen: What? You doubt that I am the great and evil and, uh, great... Dr. Two-Brains? (He holds up a ray gun.) Here! Have some melty cheese! WordGirl: You mean fondue? Glen: Ohh, that’s what it’s called! Glen: Whoa! Run away! WordGirl: Okay. I’m not sure who that guy is, but he’s not Dr. Two-Brains! (She splashes the puddle of cheese, covering Huggy in it.) Let’s follow them! Narrator: Meanwhile, back at the secret lair… Glen: Ha-ha! I am the greatest! You should have seen me! I was incredible! First, I totally had an amazing plan to get a lot of cheese, and then WordGirl showed up, and we had a big argument where I was totally brilliant! And then she attacked me, but I escaped! You never get away from WordGirl! But I did! I rule! Ha-ha-ha! Dr. Two-Brains: Yeah, go easy on the gloating there, kid, she’ll catch you eventually, believe me. Glen: Not true! I’m the best Dr. Two-Brains of all time! And now to plan my next ingenious crime, here in my top-secret lair! WordGirl: Not so secret anymore, whoever you are! Glen: Whoever I am? What’s wrong WordGirl? Confused by your own eyes? Glen: Hmm! What you see before you is an impossible riddle! Which is the real Dr. Two-Brains? WordGirl: He’s real, you’re the replacement. Glen: Re-- re-- WordGirl: Replacement. It means that you’re the substitute for the real Dr. Two-Brains. Glen: Oh. Well, how could you tell? WordGirl: You’re kidding, right? That mask is horrible! Dr. Two-Brains: See? (To WordGirl) His name is Glen. He’s my number one fan. Glen: (taking off the mask) So, nobody think I’m a good replacement, huh? Well, how would you feel if this evil genius turned you all into a pile of goop? (He presses some buttons on the goop ray.) Dr. Two-Brains: Oh no! WordGirl! The goop ray! Stop it! WordGirl: This isn’t good! Huggy, go! WordGirl: Huh! We’re all fine! Nothing got gooped! Dr. Two-Brains: (gasps) My giant vat! WordGirl: What was in it? Dr. Two-Brains: Goop! WordGirl: Wait-- so all Glen did was turn a vat of goop into more goop? (thinking) Hey, you think that stuff would bind books? Dr. Two-Brains: It might. It’s all-purpose goop! WordGirl: Great! Start shoveling, Huggy! Narrator: And so, the city is safe from not only the evil Dr. Two-Brains, but also his not-so-great replacement Glen. And Becky Botsford has the materials she needs to finish her science fair project! All is well. Narrator: This is your narrator, the greatest narrator in the history of animated television, better than everyone else, saying goodbye. Becky: Easy on the gloating there, mister! Narrator: Umm! Of course. Uh, join us next time for another action-packed episode of-- WordGirl!
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