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| - NC: Oh. Hello. I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so ... (stuffs his face with a cookie) Well, ever since last week, when the comments were made by the director of My Pet Monster, I've been doing a little thinking, asking myself some questions, like ... What the fuck am I doing with my life? Is this really what I wanna be? This pathetic loser? So, I do what I always do when I get really depressed. I watch old nostalgic TV. NC: Fight the good fight, Sgt. Slaughter! (sadly munches on some potato chips) One of the Ninja Turtles: Fresh from the sewers to you! NC: It is so bad! Get out of here!
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| abstract
| - NC: Oh. Hello. I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so ... (stuffs his face with a cookie) Well, ever since last week, when the comments were made by the director of My Pet Monster, I've been doing a little thinking, asking myself some questions, like ... What the fuck am I doing with my life? Is this really what I wanna be? This pathetic loser? So, I do what I always do when I get really depressed. I watch old nostalgic TV. NC (vo): Oh, Sgt. Slaughter. You represent a simpler time when your last name could also represent illegal war crimes, or when your biggest problem was NOT collecting the latest action set. NC: Fight the good fight, Sgt. Slaughter! (sadly munches on some potato chips) All four Ninja Turtles: We're heroes in a half-shell, we're baking a surprise! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pies! NC (vo): Oh, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pies. I remember when the line "Fresh from the Sewer" actually sounded appetizing. One of the Ninja Turtles: Fresh from the sewers to you! NC: God, is this the only thing that brings me pleasure? Just pure, pathetic nostalgia? I'm a wreck! (holds his head) Dino-Rob: Aw. There, there, Critic! It's not so bad. (pats NC on the back) NC: It is so bad! Get out of here! Dino-Rob: Fine. Fine. ... I'm a dinosaur. (walks away) NC (vo): (sighs) Fucking commercials. What is it about them that draws me to them? They're so conniving, and yet so inviting. It's like they're in their own little world, a world that wants to be nice to you but scam you at the exact same time. Something about them strangely gives me comfort. NC: I could actually watch these ads all day. Actually ... that's not a bad idea. Maybe I need to take a break from nostalgic movies and nostalgic TV shows and take a look at the stuff in between. NC (vo): I mean, I loved commercials growing up. They got me excited for all the things I pestered my parents over until their ears gushed with blood. Every time you watched them, you felt like you were making a deal with them: You buy their products, and they, in return, deteriorate your intelligence and physical health. It's a good trade. NC: How could such cunning manipulation go unappreciated? You know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna take this whole episode, I'm just gonna watch commercials. Yeah, this is a tribute to all the plastic, sugar-coated nonsense that we loved growing up. This is a segment I like to call "After These Messages..." Three Clay Singers: After these messages... Clay Fire Hydrant (sings): After these messages... Clay Cowboy (sings): After these messages... Clay Dog (sings): After these messages... Three Clay Singers (audio): ...we'll be right back! NC: I'm not gonna go in any order or tie them together with any theme. It's just going to be commercials, commercials, commercials. So, let's get started.
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