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| - RECAP: Tigerpaw chose ShadowClan over ThunderClan, over her memories and her mother, over her best friend. She has chosen her father, Hawkpaw, and the warrior she wants to become. She has thrown herself into her new life with the same fiery determination she puts into everything she does, deciding failure is not an option. PRELUDE: Bluepaw, now Bluefang, is still not over Tigerpaw's leaving and trying desperately to pretend that he is. He loves ThunderClan, he does. He has new friends and a possible new mate, the ambitious and bright-eyed Owlstep. But memories of growing up with Tigerpaw haunt him. How do you shake a friendship that was meant to be forever and a love as undeniable as the burning stars? They are calling my name. My new warrior name. "Bluefang! Bluefang! Bluefang!" Harewhisker isn't among them like we thought he would be; he fell ill and died two moons ago. It was not satisfying in the least, and I would listen to his rude comments with gladness if it meant having him back. "Bluefang! Bluefang! Bluefang!" Tigerpaw isn't here. I don't know if she's a warrior by now; I haven't seen her in nearly a moon. I hope she is a warrior; if I'm one, then she definitely should be. Then again, I don't know if the stakes are higher in ShadowClan. I don't know Tigerpaw anymore, and as the cats around me chant the name of "Bluefang", I hardly know myself. "Ready for your vigil?" Quailstar asks me, a well-meaning purr in her tone. But the answer is no. I'm not ready for sitting alone for hours. That is much too much time for the ghosts of my past to rise up. Like they are right now. And the ghosts are forming a picture of a fluffy gray tom waiting by a streambank, and a tabby she-cat approaching him. She knew the first time we secretly met. I know she knew. I deluded myself into thinking that she really wanted to keep meeting me as much as I wanted to keep seeing her, but in my heart I'd already lost her. Everything changed the day she learned who she really was. Suddenly, being "Bluepaw's best friend" dissolved into nothingness. "Bluefang? Are you all right?" I jerk out of my thoughts. "Yes, Quailstar. Sorry. I'm so excited to finally be a warrior." That's not exactly a lie. I am excited. It's just that my stomach also aches with loneliness as I make my way towards the edge of the camp. I prepare myself for what should have been a night spent rejoicing through happy gazes and warm pelt brushes with my best friend, but instead will be a quiet night spent trying not to think about everything that's gone wrong since the innocent heart of my kithood beat to a song of a friendship I used to think would last forever. ThunderClan is empty without her. Life is empty without her. Tigerpaw was never a large cat; she had a smaller build, like Hazelfur. At first glance, she wouldn't catch your attention. But then you'd get a little closer, and see those large, flaming amber eyes of hers, and the little pink nose, and the warmth of her vivacious spirit. I miss her. That goes without saying, I suppose, but I am constantly wishing that the age of our friendship never had to end. I wrap my tail around hers, and she relaxes against my shoulder. The moon is full tonight, and it lights up the clearing of our camp. "This is our home," I whisper. Inside, I think, You are home, Tigerkit. "Hey, Bluefang!" I jolt from my reverie and find myself faced with a pair of sparkling yellow eyes. Trying not to look too startled, I flick my tail in greeting at a young she-cat called Owlstep. She purrs in amusement. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. And I don't mean to make you break your vigil, either. You don't have to say anything; I just wanted to wish you a good-night. So glad you're a warrior now. I've saved you a nest in the den, right beside mine." Her meaning is clear. Now that we're both warriors, there is nothing to stop us from becoming closer, and perhaps eventually mates. Nothing except the ghost of amber eyes reflecting starlight and tabby fur the color of ripe chestnuts. "Listen, uh, I know you've had it rough. But Tigerpaw... she's gone. She doesn't care about this Clan. Not like I do," Owlstep says softly. "Maybe it's time to forget and move on." She sighs. "Good night, Bluefang." It's probably just as well that I can't say anything on vigil, because less-than-pleasant words are on the tip of my tongue. I know Owlstep means well. Loyalty is her strong suit. Everyone says she's a top pick for the next deputy; our current deputy, Moonfeather, is gray-whiskered and thinking of retiring. Owlstep is remarkably young to be considered for the position, but she is exceptional. I won't deny it: she is exceptional. She reminds me a lot of Tigerpaw, actually. So why, between a she-cat who will cause me nothing but trouble and a beautiful one within my own Clan... how come there's no contest? Well, I reflect, this is it. The night that every cat dreams of since kithood. Nothing but stars and sky; the first test of a warrior's patience and fortitude. The vigil. I am no longer naive Bluekit, nor am I trusting Bluepaw. Tonight, reborn under the watchfully glittering specks of StarClan dust overhead, I am Bluefang. I have a nagging feeling that I know exactly why Quailstar gave me that suffix for my warrior name. I think Stonebird had something to do with it. My mother has long thought that I am too gentle and easygoing for ThunderClan. "Be fierce, be a lion, and they will fall before you," she always told me. Maybe she thought that if I was named for the fang, I'll live by the fang. Dawn comes before I know it. Quailstar pads out of her den, stretches, and assigns Owlstep to lead the morning patrol. Wearing an amicable look on her face, she pads over to me. "Good morning, Bluefang. How was the night?" "It was good," I say, dipping my head in respect. "I can't express how thrilled I am to finally be a warrior." "You deserve it," she says proudly. "You've always been so obedient and loyal--not to mention you fought brilliantly in that last border skirmish with ShadowClan." I try to pretend my stomach doesn't dip at the reminder of the day I turned around and found my own best friend to be the one attacking me. I hadn't said anything about it at the time. I'd simply replied "I know" to Tigerpaw when she told me we couldn't be friends any longer. But inside, I was ripped to shreds. Not by physical scratches, but by the much crueler claws of loss. She had attacked me. I know she regretted it when she realized who I was; I saw it in her eyes. Yet the fact of the matter remains: if I hadn't been me, she would've continued to attack. She would have used her ferocious fighting skills against another ThunderClan cat, against one of my Clanmates. I can't let her do that. I won't let her do that. If we're ever pitted against each other... Pain and regret flashes through me, but I try desperately to continue on this strain of thought. I will choose ThunderClan. ThunderClan is my home, and as a warrior, I am called upon to give it my all. Around me, ThunderClan is slowly awakening. Voices and snippets of conversation drift in and out of my ears. I pay little attention to the gossip of the morning, padding sleepily over to the fresh-kill pile in search of something to quiet my growling stomach. Lilypad is sitting beside the food with a young, talkative young warrior called Seedflower. I'm not particularly nosy, but due to the proximity, I can't help but overhear what Seedflower is saying. "... and I know a lot of cats used to like her, but the fact of the matter is, she didn't deserve half the credit she got. Good figher? Please. She was mediocre at best. I'll bet she would've betrayed the Clan even if she hadn't figured out she was half-Clan. I find it funny how much Quailstar hates her now, 'cause she used to be Quailstar's favorite. It was so stupid. She wasn't even a kind she-cat. I'm not sure if we should thank ShadowClan for taking her from us or apologize that we left them stuck with her." "You're jealous," I blurt before I can think the better of it. Lilypad and Seedflower both turn to look at me. Lilypad's gray-flecked face folds into consternation, and she gives me the slightest shake of her head. I ignore her. "You're jealous, Seedflower. You always were. For your information, Tigerpaw gained every bit of praise she ever got. You can't help who you're born to or where you're born. You can only change who you become and what you do with your circumstances. Tigerpaw wasn't necessarily the popular she-cat you're speaking of her as; you know she always felt a little bit like an outcast, especially since you and that weasel Ratpaw always went out of your way to make sure she was excluded. Nevertheless, she managed to be ten times the warrior you'll ever be-" "Bluefang," Lilypad hisses. Her milky blue eyes are glittering with anger. The elder is normally so placid that it's unnerving to see her like this. "You're a new warrior, and you're already disgracing yourself. Please go take a walk in the woods, and try to calm yourself." "But-" I begin to protest, but Lilypad silences me with a simple glare. Seedflower gives me a smug glance and gives her paw a lick. Simmering in anger and muttering swears under my breath, I bolt out of the camp. Owlstep is returning with the morning patrol, and she calls out to me as I dash past her. I don't respond. My walk in the woods leaves me standing at the ThunderClan-ShadowClan border. I peer across into ShadowClan territory, my eyes straining to make anything out through the dense shrubbery. There's so much anger behind my gaze, I'm surprised the bushes don't ignite under the flames of my eyes. "I hate you," I tell the border. "Why did you have to take her?" Stupid, I know. I'm not thinking straight. Nevertheless, I don't hesitate as I step over the border and find myself in ShadowClan territory. "See, Tigerpaw?" I mutter angrily to myself. "I can be a ShadowClan cat too." With no idea what I'm doing or what I hope to accomplish, I begin trekking through enemy territory. It isn't long before I'm completely lost. And worse, I think I'm being followed. There are crackles in the undergrowth behind me. The hair along my back raises in fear; despite that, I try to put on a false pretense of bravado. I whirl around. "Show yourselves!" I call. Seconds later, two cats emerge. They're obviously ShadowClan, and they look mean. "What have we here?" one of them mews. "A stupid ThunderClan apprentice?" "That's warrior to you," I hiss. "No, that's intruder to me," the tom responds. "Shall we teach this rascal a lesson, Thistlewhisker?" The other she-cat, Thistlewhisker, nods. Her claws are extended, her eyes glittering with hostility. "Maybe we should escort him back to ThunderClan, Hawkpelt." "No. Look at him, all angry and fierce." Hawkpelt smirks. "He wants a fight, and we're going to give it to him." There's something in his gaze that unnerves me; it goes beyond Clan rivalry. "I know who you are," he tells me. "You're Tigerlily's old best friend. Just what do you think you're doing here anyway?" Tigerlily. Hearing him say her warrior name, one that I didn't even know she had, is like a blow to the chest. Suddenly, I understand his rage. The way he seems to have a personal vendetta against me. He has some type of feelings for Tigerpaw--I mean, Tigerlily. Ordinarily, I might've backed down. I might have realized that I was outnumbered and disadvantaged. But just thinking of Tigerlily with this pretentious cat makes my vision go red. "I'm not afraid of you," I spit at Hawkpelt. He doesn't seem concerned. "No? Well, you should be." And he attacks. It's like for the first time in countless days, I come alive again. Adrenaline surges through me, pushing out the apathy that has slowly been consuming me from the inside out. I rear on my hindlegs to meet Hawkpelt's onslaught, and the two of us fall into the weeds. Thistlewhisker tries to help her Clanmate, but she can hardly get a blow in edgewise. Ever since Tigerlily left ThunderClan, I've been itching for a fight. I want someone to blame for the indescribable pain of losing my best friend. Now, finally, I have a whipping post, a scapegoat, a cat to take out my anger on. Is it completely irrational of me? Oh, definitely. If Tigerlily saw me right now, I doubt she'd recognize me. My own mother, Stonebird, probably wouldn't. Gentle Bluefang, recklessly rampaging about ShadowClan territory? Perish the thought. Even though I'm fueled by my rage, Hawkpelt is no pushover. The ShadowClan cat is larger and more muscular than me, and clearly more experienced with fighting. He ducks my more powerful blows; then, when I'm off-balance and trying to recover, he barrels into me or tears at my exposed flanks. After a bit, I begin to flag. The fire inside me is dying, leaving me hollow and listless. Red ribbons of blood lace my shoulder. Hawkpelt shoves me with all of his might, and I fall, slamming against a rock. Nuclear pain fissions throughout my body till my vision is reduced to a blurry red haze of agony. "Give up," snarls Thistlewhisker. Dimly, I hear some trace of regret in her voice, like she pities me. Sparks of my battered spirit stir feebly within me. I refuse to be pitied. "Just give up." "Listen to my sister, ThunderClan scum," spits Hawkpelt contemptuously. Even with a thin trickle of blood running down his face, he looks relatively unaffected by the fight. His eyes glitter with hatred. His muscles ripple under his sleek coat, the color of shadowy brush--brown tabby, but darker than Tigerlily's coat. Tigerlily. My heart trips over itself, misses a beat and goes crashing down the stairs. I can see why a she-cat would be drawn to a cat like Hawkpelt. Is this what she wanted in a tom? Strong, strident, ShadowClan? Slowly, stiffly, I pull myself to my paws. "Bring it on," I hiss, softly but determinedly. Scoffing, Hawkpelt says, "You've come looking to die, haven't you?" When I come to my senses and pry my eyelids open, it takes several minutes for the world to stop spinning. I'm in a dark enclosure, presumably some sort of cave. There's the silhouette of a cat in the entrance, guarding my route to escape. A croaking sound escapes my mouth. The cat in the cave opening turns. Eyes like golden jewels pierce me like gilded claws. My voice completely fades. Speechless, I stare at her. My heartbeat accelerates till I'm sure my heart is about to leap through my throat. I feel like the ground is whirling beneath me, about to pitch me headlong into the abyss of space. Surprisingly, she's the one to speak first--though I guess this is mostly because I can barely breathe, let alone form coherent sentences. "Bluepaw," she mews softly. I stiffen. "Actually, it's Bluefang now." Hurt flashes through her eyes, but it vanishes almost as quickly as it appears. "I'm Tigerlily." "So I heard," I say icily. I can't help but add, "Your friend Hawkpelt told me." Clearly sensing the hostility in my tone, she opens her mouth like she's about to defend her Clanmate. Then she shuts it and shakes her head. "I'm surprised they let you guard me. Don't they think you'll betray them? Oh wait--they have no reason to. You've attacked me before." I can't stop the torrent of hurt and anger washing through me, can't stop the venom in my words. "Why in the name of StarClan would they have any reason to suppose you would be anything but cruel to me?" I've felt so abandoned and uncared for lately, I half believe what I'm saying. But as I unleash my bitterness on Tigerlily, I realize--too late--that I might be wrong. Upon hearing what I have to say, something fractures in her lovely golden eyes. They split into fractals of pain. She ducks her head to the ground, not meeting my eyes. "They don't trust me," she murmurs. "I'm standing guard to make sure none of the other ShadowClan cats attack you during the night." "How long are you guys keeping me here?" I demand. She doesn't respond. Without warning, memories begin flying through my mind. I see Tigerlily as a young kit, my playmate and best companion. My heart aches. Wordlessly, I curl into a little ball. My own cruel words replay in my head over and over again. I squeeze my eyes shut, hating myself for doing the unforgivable and hurting Tigerlily. Eventually, I doze off again. When I awake, it's still nighttime. Nothing has changed, except that Tigerlily is no longer at her post at the cave entrance. Instead, to my intense shock, she's curled up beside me, nearly close enough to touch. The moonlight turns her fur to silver, and for a crazy second my imagination runs wild: the two of us are gray-furred elders, snoozing the nights away together, lulled by the sound of each other's breaths, with the one certainty, one I want more than anything, of having each other forever. Reality checks in, and I dismiss the silly reverie. It vanishes in a puff of smoke, leaving a gaping hole in my heart in its place. As if she senses my gaze, Tigerlily stirs. She blinks when she sees me. "Whoa," she mutters. "Seeing you... it's weird. For a second I thought I was back in ThunderClan." I nod, turning away. "Would that be such a bad thing?" She hesitates. "Bluepaw-" "Bluefang," I correct automatically. "Sorry. Bluefang..." She trails off. "Is that really your warrior name? It seems so violent for you. You were never-" She breaks off, looking at my shoulder, and shakes her head. "He attacked me first, for the record." "Who?" "Your stupid friend. Hawkpelt." Swallowing, she asks, "Do you need a poultice for that?" I shake my head. "What if it gets infected?" I crack a rather demented smile. "So what? It's not like your ShadowClan medicine cat will try to heal me anyway. I'll have to deal with the pain. Like I always do." Tigerlily draws a shallow breath of air. "I know that the day I told you we couldn't see each other anymore... I sort of dropped it on you really quickly. I never truly explained. I thought it would hurt less that way, for the both of us. I might have been wrong." "You think?" I hiss. "Bluefang." Her tone is pleading. "I want to build a life here. I want to be a great ShadowClan warrior and continue proving myself. Someday, far in the future, maybe I'll start a family-" I stand up, unsteady on my wounded legs. I can't be angry with her for saying that. But that doesn't mean it doesn't feel like she threw a boulder into my chest. "I know," I say curtly. "Owlstep... The entire Clan is wondering why I haven't shown more interest in her already. Someday maybe her and I could be mates too. I know what it's like to look up and realize you have to move on--but you don't have anything or anyone to move on from." Her eyes drop. When she next speaks, I can hardly hear her. "That's the thing... I think I do." "Bluekit!" she scolds with a mrrow of amusement. I hardly dare to breathe. Maybe it's the injuries I sustained in my fight with Hawkpelt, or just the general dizzying effect Tigerlily's presence has on me. "What do you mean?" I whisper. Silence. Tigerlily looks shocked that she said anything at all, and she seems to be really regretting it. I step closer, desperately. "Please. Tell me." "It's amazing," she says weakly. "I love knowing who I am. I love trying to find my path. I've always been up for a challenge, up for proving myself." She drags her paw through the dirt. "And yet, despite that, seeing you being brought into camp today... it was like my world fell out from under me. All I could think was, what have I done?" Oh, StarClan, no. "Don't blame yourself," I say immediately. "I'm an idiot-" "No, I am. I should've figured it out a long time ago. Maybe it would've given you closure. On the other paw, maybe it would've made things a lot harder for both of us. Still, I owed myself the truth. I owed you the truth." Now I'm really confused. "You don't-" "You weren't the only one, Bluefang. Our friendship meant just as much to me as it did to you, just in a different way. And I know that's hard to believe, after all I've done. But I..." She finally looks up, meeting my eyes. "I fell in love with you too." A thousand emotions spin through me. Confusion. Shock. Disbelief. Joy, of course, but it's muted by my incredulity. That might seem silly, but you have to understand what a ridiculous notion it was that this beautiful she-cat, with her scintillating golden eyes and independent spirit and sharp tongue... how ridiculous it sounded to hear her say she loved me. "Tigerlily," I breathe. That's all. Just her name. Then everything goes wrong. I feel an unusual pang of annoyance. "Oh, so you are interested in someone? You can tell me, you know. I won't tease you... much," I add under my breath. "You know, Bluepaw, you're not actually funny. I don't think you've ever realized that," retorts Tigerpaw. We sit in silence for a bit. Finally, Tigerpaw mutters, "When... I mean if I fall in love, I'll tell you once I figure it out for myself. I feel like it'll take a long time for me to realize it. What about you?" A new cat leaps into the den, interrupting our conversation, and pounces on Tigerlily, knocking her to the floor. Tigerlily's always been an amazing fighter, but she's taken by surprise and disappears under the cat's shadow. The assailant looks up, and the moonlight catches her face. I gasp in shock. "Owlstep?" "What are you waiting for, Bluefang? Now's your chance to escape! We're here to bust you out," she hisses, grunting in pain as Tigerlily claws her shoulder. "Run!" Before I can respond, a ShadowClan voice yells, "Intruders!" I bolt out of the den and am dismayed at what I see. Owlstep's small ThunderClan rescue patrol is swamped by enemies. The ShadowClan cats look furious at waking up and finding us in their camp. This is all my fault, I realize. I have to save my Clanmates. "Bluefang, wait-" Tigerlily begins, coming to stand beside me. I allow myself the briefest moment of happiness, touching my nose to hers. A jolt of electricity flows from my whiskers to the tip of my tail. "I'll always love you," I whisper. Then I leap into the fight. I catch one last glimpse of the look on her face, her eyes wide and worried and unsure, the moonlight turning her striped pelt into silvery bands of constellations. Then she's lost as my vision is obscurred by clawing, hissing ShadowClan cats. I lose track of myself and my surroundings. All I know is blood and fear and adrenaline. Several times I see chances for me to make an escape for myself, but I don't take them. If I see a ThunderClan cat, I scream at them to get out and make sure no ShadowClan cats go after them. My Clanmates came here to break me out. No way am I letting them get hurt because of my stupidity. Eventually, I'm forced to stop fighting, because I can no longer walk. Slowly, I sink to the floor. My vision is foggy, my breathing shallow and raspy, my body aching from a dozen wounds. How ironic it is, going down like this. Tonight, I actually lived up to my name: Bluefang. I can hear Tigerlily screaming my name. She's trying to get to me, but a ShadowClan cat holds her back. I long to go to her, but I have no strength. Owlstep is at my shoulder, leading me away, and I have no choice but to let her support me. "Bluefang? Can you hear me? You're going to be okay." Owlstep doesn't sound like she believes it herself. "You're going to live." "I've lived," I say simply. As if hearing Tigerlily say she loved me has completed my life or come close to it. My legs fail again, and this time I can't get back up. Owlstep's wail is piercing, but I hardly register it. All I can think of is Tigerlily, and her face is the last thing I see before the entire world goes black.
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