| abstract
| - Huddersfield first rose to prominence in the early 20th century, when engineers decided to build a railway line between two nearby places that actually matter- Manchester and Leeds. Due to engineers' fondness for building train tracks in sort-of straight lines, the track ended up running through Huddersfield. The ill-fated decision to place a station on the line in Huddersfield led to the opening of one of the busiest refugee routes in British history. The largest and greatest area of Huddersfield was Lindley until it was discovered that Lindley had been moved over to Bradford in the back of a Ford Transit van. The town of Huddersfield lies in the Colne Valley, where the surrounding hills give an excellent view of the permanent yellow smog that hangs over the town. To the east lie the tourist attractions of the ICI complex, the shopping complexes and Leeds Road, the main escape route out of Huddersfield. The approach to Huddersfield in all directions is lined by a selection of everything's-a-pound shops, Netto, Lidl, and derelict buildings. There is also a new Lidl store that offers a wide variety of biologically damaging foodstuffs imported from former states of the USSR. Huddersfield Pretend-University, do me a favour! This half baked educational establishment started out as a technical college in the 1930's. With much pleading and begging it was allowed to become a Polytechnic. Working on the correct assumption, that no one in their right minds would want to graduate from a Polytechnic, when so many Universities were around, it became one itself a few years ago. A local competition was held to choose a name for the new pretend-university. One of the entries that came top of the list, and was nearly chosen, was First University College of Kirklees. The acronym was duly displayed on the college's towering library building in letters three feet high before anyone noticed the unfortunate spelling. The University is now busy churning out high quality graduates in Media Studies and Humanities. Much like the Ford Motor Company, who make thousands of cars that no-one wants to buy; in the off chance that sales might pick up. The graduates of Huddersfield University go into long term storage at the local dole office (that's unemployment or social security to non UK people). The University is also famed for its Student Union and their inability to organise an open mic night for people without mouths. Most terms offer gigs from bands banished from other Universities two decades ago and also provides a last gig for the worst alternative rock bands before their record label drops them. The Student Union had occupied several buildings over the years, moving regularly so they can enjoy an expensive downgrade. The current building is based on a popular local abattoir with a stage the size of a dog's arse. The Student Union enriches the local culture by assiduously refusing to admit anyone who isn't a student.
- Huddersfield is a city of about 150,000 people in northern England, United Kingdom.
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