| abstract
| - EXT. SKOOL- ZOOM IN (the bell rings) INT SKOOL- MS. BITTERS' CLASSROOM (Ms. Bitters walks to the back of the classroom. Cue dramatic music and beeping noises) (A mysterious box is beeping, counting down from a minute and six seconds, and Ms. Bitters walks to the back of it.) (students back off, frightened.) (Finally, Ms. Bitters presses the red button on top of the metal box, knobs twist and it splits in two explosively, each side flying into the nearby walls.) (The smoke clears to reveal a hamster in a cage, and the students approach it with looks of awe.) Ms. Bitters: By order of the Skool board, in an attempt to reduce MISERY amongst skoolchildren, this class is issued one class pet, hamster class... named Peepi. (Skoolchildren sigh happily) Zita: Ohh Peepi so cute ! Chunk: Look at his widdle Peepi faaace! Melvin: He's like a fuzzy little pee-pee person! Child: (says something not understandable, due to the fact that he is overcome with cuteness) (Peepi runs toward Zim) Zim: (staggering back in horror) AAAAAAAAA!! Dib: Do I even have to say anything at this point? Zim: If you are talking about my reaction to that...(waves his hand around, thinking) hair... monster, I assure you, like the other normal children I find it...(struggles to come up with a word) Dib: Cute. The word is cute. Humans fthink hamsters are cute. Zim: Yes... This cuteness has a curious effect on humans. It makes them... weak! (transitions into a daydream, showing Zim out of his disguise, riding something, and stomping noises are heard. The camera then reveals that Zim is riding on the back of a giant Peepi, in the middle of a city interection. A large shadow falls on the passersby, and they look to see the source. They start "aww"-ing at how cute Peepi is.) Zim: People of Earth! Can you resist the hypnotic power of Peepi? (apparently, they can't) Zim: Now, kneel before ZIM! (the crowd obediently kneels) Zim: HAVE SOME OF THIS!! Ms. Bitters: Take a good look, children: It will prepare you for your adult lives in our nightmarish corporate system. Zim: Hmmm...Yessss.... It just might work. Ms. Bitters: A minute-twenty-seven. If you're determined to let the blood rush to your head (scoffs) you better have trained for it. Dib (raising hand): Ms. Bitters, have you noticed anything strange about the hamster? Dib: ...He's three times his size, and he has that hideous throbbing alien device on his back! Zim (quietly): The Earth boy is trying to interfere! Now's the time to use the Peepi creature's cuteness to divert attention. Zim: This is... a little ahead of schedule. Zim gets up and follows Peepi through the big, gaping hole in the wall thst the hamster has just created. On the other side, Peepi (now the size of a large cat) scampers toward the wire fence around the Skool. Instead of trying to climb it, he chews clean through, and grows to the size of a small Skoolchild. He then walks away - on two feet - across the street toward a building. Zim: Yes, my creation! Grow! GROWW!! Zim: Now, Peepi, COME TO YOUR MASTER!! Zim (desperately): Peepi? Peepi?! OBEY ME! PEEPIII!!!!! Dib: Anything you'd like to confess? Zim: No! Don't be silly! WHUH: Anchor: Experts are still baffled as to the origins of "Ultra-Peepi", the guant mutant hamster now ravaging the city! But we all agree: He's just fuzzy-wuzzy adorable, isn't he? He sure is! Aaugh! Dana Delany: Awww, loook: He's using the building like a toothpick! Zim: Peepi, come here! You must obey me! I am your lord and hamster-master! walks among the crowd of screaming, panicking humans NO! Don't fear the Peepi! Fear me! FEAR MEE! Zim: Well, he IS destroying the humans... And that IS good... Zim: Uhh.. GOOD JOB, PEEPI! I'LL JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE ALL DONE HERE. UH, CARRY ON! Frank Connif: HELP! HELP! (looks up to see Peepi's foot about to smash him) Awww, wookit his wittle feeet!.. General: I don't care what the blazes it wants, I just want it stopped! Colonel: But General! I couldn't fire a missile at that fooby wittle face, could you? Dib: Wait! I have some important information about Ultra-Peepi! You have to listen! soldiers grab his arms. General: Now, wait: Let the boy talk. Dib: He's not a normal hamster! He's been.. altered, somehow, through alien technology. Eating makes him larger; the more he eats, the bigger he gets! General: Good work, boy! How do we stop him? Dib: I... don't... know! General: Get 'im outta here! Colonel: General! I think we know where he's going! Zim: Whatcha watchin'? GIR: Angry Monkey. Zim: That... Horrible monkey! GIR: Mm-hmm. Where's Ultra-Peepi? Zim: He's working. New Anchor: Reports are now in that Ultra-Peepi is headed for the City's pellet plant. If he reaches their reserve supply of hamster pellets, he could grow to unimaginable proportions! Zim: What is that noise?! Zim (pointing up defiantly): NO! YOU WILL NOT DESTROY YOUR MASTER'S BASE! I COMMAND YOU TO STOP: OBEY YOUR CREATOR! Zim: You made me do this, Peepi! I hate to be the bad guy but you must be disciplined; or you'll never learn! Zim (over loudspeaker): HEY, PEEPI: CHECK THIS OUT! (swings around for another blow. Dib: Never thought I'd see that. Zim: Peepi! Turn back now! Do not invoke the wrath of the Irken Elite! Dib: He's unconscious. Wait, if I capture him now, no one will be able to stop the hamster. But if I let him go to fight Peepi, he's just going to keep on trying to destroy mankind. This stinks. Dib: Okay, so if I save Zim, he'll move on to destroy mankind and upset the balance of the entire Earth, which is why I've been waiting to finally capture him and get proof that I... Zim: GIR, come get me. GIR: Yes, my lord! Urghh... Dib: But if the hamster goes on to save mankind, no, wait. That's not right... Dib: The hamster doesn't.... wait, Zim! Promise me you're on our side this time. Zim: I know not of sides, Earth stink. But just this once I agree with you. The hamster must be stopped. Dib: No! Oh, wait. Yeah, go on then. Man in tank: Ready, unit seven. Fire on my mark. 3, 2... Oh, just look at him! Zim: The weenie tempts you. Man: Now we're being attacked by giant weenies. Get the weenie! Get it! Zim: Yes, Ultra Peepi. Yes! Obey! Zim: No. Bad Peepi. Don't eat the wheel. Huh? Man: Okay, let's try to go with the hamster this time. We've got to use this stuff on something. Dib: Don't attack! The alien is trying to get rid of the hamster. Don't interrupt his plans. Man: Boy's crazy. Put him in one of those crazy buckets. Zim: No time to spare! Fine, ultra Peepi. You had this coming. Child: Why...? Dib: Why? Because alien tampering with our life forms is dangerous, and ends in pain... Zim: Because when you create a giant monster of doom, no matter how cute, you have to, you have to... I don't know. But stop sniveling, little worm monkey. Ultra Peepi will live on. Out there. ...In the stars. Zim folds his arms. Peepi is heard roaring as he plummets toward the ground far in the distance, behind Zim. An explosion follows a brief flash of bright light and a large cloud of smoke. In the next screen, a group of people hug a smaller ultra Peepi, and a message on screen explains to us that "NO ANIMATED CHARACTERS WERE HARMED IN THE FILMING OF THIS PRODUCTION".
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