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| - Mordecai: Wait, wait, wait. Yo, Rigby. What does this remind you of? Rigby: What? Mordecai: Your 7th-grade science project on which pizza box makes the best pillow! Eileen: What? Rigby: Dude, I made ground-breaking discoveries with that project. Margaret: Come on, Rigby. We've all done embarrassing stuff. You know, when I was a kid, I used to peel the pepperoni of a pizza and eat it separately. (laughs) Geez. Mordecai: Mmm, ok? Eileen: That's not really that embarrassing, Margaret. I mean, if you want embarrassing, there's this manifesto I wrote in 6th grade. Wait, I think I still have it. Eileen (continued): Here it is! The Eileen Plan. Margaret: Oh, woooow. (reads) "I, Eileen Roberts, do hereby swear to accomplish the following by the end of my first quarter century on planet Earth." Mordecai: (reads) "1. Lower age of presidential eligibility to 25. 2. Achieve presidency." Margaret: Tell me, how's it coming with those? Eileen: Hey, I've still got time. Rigby: Yeah, you can totally do that stuff by the time you're 44. Eileen: What? No, a quarter century is 25 years. Rigby: Yeah, I knew that. Rigby (continued): "Number 3: Marry someone brilliant (preferably with several pants under his belt)"? Eileen: Patents. Rigby: Oh, patents. (continues to read) "But just super smart is okay, too"? Eileen: Oh, man! I don't even know anyone like that, much less am I married to him! Rigby: (laughs nervously) Yeah, pretty funny. Mordecai: "Number 4: Eliminate allergic responses to peanuts." Rigby: Hey, Mordecai... Rigby (continued): Hey, Mordecai... Rigby (continued): Hey, Mordecai. Mordecai: Ugh, what?! Rigby: Do you think I'm dumb? Mordecai: Yes. Rigby: Ok, yeah. I thought so. I was just checking. Mordecai: No, you're not dumb. I was just kidding. You're...smart? Mordecai (continued): In your own way? Mordecai (continued): Dude, where is this coming from? (gets out of bed) You've always been cool with being dumb. Rigby: It's just... (sighs) The Eileen Plan. Rigby (continued): Even if I was smart in my own way, which I'm not, I'm still not brilliant. I have zero patents or pants. Mordecai: You're overreacting, man. Eileen doesn't care about that stuff anymore. Rigby: But she doesn't know I didn't graduate from high school! If I'm ever gonna be the brilliant guy of her dreams, that's the least I can do. Principal Dean: So let me get this straight. You, an adult, want to enroll at this school so you can get your diploma because you're currently too dumb? Rigby: Pretty much, yeah. Principal Dean: Not a chance, Rigby. You put me through enough grief the first time you went here. Rigby: Aw, c'mon, Principal Dean! I know I screwed up in high school, but I swear I've changed! Principal Dean: (grunts) Fine. (reaches into transcript cabinet) I shouldn't do this, but...(takes out Rigby's transcript) Hmmm. You still need 3 classes to graduate: A Science, a Phys Ed and a Language. Principal Dean (continued): Choose one to start. And I suggest you be realistic. Rigby: I will! Thanks, Principal Dean. You won't regret this! Rigby (continued): So what do you think? Mordecai: Hmmm. Oh, dude. This is perfect! Intro to Geology, remember? Rigby: (shrugs) Not really. Mordecai: Rocks for jocks? No one ever fails? Rigby: Oh yeah! All the athletes took it 'cause it was basically a free pass. Piece of cake. I'll do it! Mordecai: You're not worried about hanging out with jocks all semester> Rigby: Nah. I'll gonna rule that place like a king! Mrs. Kessler: Settle down, class. We've got a returning student with us today. Rigby, would you like to come to the front and introduce yourself? Rigby: Hey, dudes. Let me rap to you abou- Rigby (continued): Sup. I'm Rigby, but my friends call me Rigbone. You guys have actually probably heard of me, I used to go to this school. Aiden: Ohh, yeah. My older stepped on your neck in gym class. Didn't you flunk out? Rigby: N..no. Jaden: Yeah, right. Rigby: Whatever! I only came back here to prove something to my girlfriend anyway. Braeden: Oh, cool. Is she a hundred-year-old dropout too? Rigby: No, She's super cool and, like, a genius! Aiden: You're old! Mrs. Kessler: Aiden, Braeden, Jaden! Behave yourself, or you won't pass this class! Aiden: Mrs. Kessler, nobody's ever failed your class. Mrs. Kessler: That's true. Okay, so from last week, who knows what this is called? Mrs, Kessler (continued): And remember, we ruled out "rock hole". Mordecai: Wow. You never studied this hard when you were actually in high school. Rigby: Failure's not an option, dude. If Eileen wants someone brilliant, she's gonna get someone brilliant. Rigby (continued): Hey, Eileen. Oooooohh. That was tonight? Aaah. Sorry, I can't. Uhhh...because... Mordecai got dumped again. That guy, right? Mordecai: Dude, what the- Rigby: Yeah, it's real touch-and-go right now. He needs my support. We're still on for Friday, though. The big dance thing we planned for months. Gotta go. See ya! Rigby (continued): That's the third thing I had to turn down this week. Mordecai: Dude, just tell her the truth. Rigby: Not until I'm brilliant. Mrs. Kessler: You hear that? Rigby: I heard it, Mrs. K. Mrs. Kessler: I'm sure everyone did, but thanks for responding, Rigby. Well, anyway, the hollow sound is how you can tell if a rock is a geode. Mrs. Kessler (continued): Look at that! (picks up rock half) Gorgeous. Mrs. Kessler (continued): We'll see plenty of these on our field trip Friday night. Rigby: Umm..(clears throat) Excuse me? What field trip? Mrs. Kessler: The Spelunking field trip. The second requirement for this class? Rigby: Um, what's the first? Mrs. Kessler: The big test that everyone passes? So basically, all you have to do is show up for the field trip and you'll pass. Rigby: But I have a big date with my girlfriend that night! Mrs. Kessler: I'm just saying, if you wanna pass, you gotta show up to the cave. Rigby: Hello. Eileen: Hey Rigby, you ready for our date tonight? The Modern Dance USA Troupe only comes through town once a year, and this year, they're letting the audience participate! Eileen (continued): Aww, this is so special. Like unprecedented, and will never be repeated! Eileen (continued): Are you okay? Rigby: I'm not feeling so hot, Eileen. Eileen: I can bring you some lozenges. Rigby: Nah, I don't eat shellfish. I'm sorry, I think I better stay in tonight. Take care of the ol' Rig-bod. Can we reschedule for tomorrow? Eileen: Well, the dance troupe is only here one night... Eileen (continued): But, yeah. Of course. Get some rest. Rigby: Thanks, I will. See you tomorrow. Aiden: You sure you can handle this, Old Man Rigby? Jaden: Yeah, it's pretty dark in there. Rigby: I'll be fine. I'm friends with a caveman. Gregg. Aiden: Ok, okay. Gregg the Caveman. Kim: Leave Rigby alone. He's just trying to get an education. Mrs. Kessler: Let's try to stay focused, huh? It's easy to fall down a cave hole, but harder to come out. Getting stuck in the cave wouldn't prevent you from passing the class, but could prevent you from being alive. Anyway, follow me. Mordecai: Oh, hey Eileen. Rigby's not back from his field trip to the cave yet. Eileen: He's...not home sick? Mordecai: No, I think the class... Mordecai (continued): uhh...the class of illness he has involves an addiction to caves? Mordecai (continued): So...he's at a cave now. Eileen: I see. Mordecai: You're not buying this, are you? Eileen: No. Mordecai: Then can I have the soup? Aiden: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Mrs. Kessler: That was 150,000 years old! Aiden: (laughs) Cool. Jocks: Sports! Sports! Sports! Rigby: Psh. Go back to playing with your stalactites, you dumb jocks. Jayla: You, like, remind me of my dad. He's funny and old. Allison: Oh yeah, he's so old and he's so funny. Rigby: (gasps) Eileen?! Eileen: Rigby! Braeden: How'd the old man land such a megababe? Eileen: Heh, well...(blush fades) No! You know, I don't like being lied to by my boyfriend. Eileen (continued): I missed the dance show to bring you soup! Rigby: Eileen, wait! Mrs. Kessler: Not so fast, Rigby. Rigby: But I have to get my girlfriend! Mrs. Kessler: Just saying, if you wanna pass this class... Rigby: Passing doesn't matter if I don't have Eileen! Rigby (continued): Hold up. Rigby: Eileen, come out and talk to me! Eileen: Go away, Rigby! Lying to me for weeks so you can sit around in a cave with high school kids?! You might as well just leace me here to... Rigby: Eileen! Rigby (continued): Eileen, are you okay?! Did you fall down the rock hole?! Eileen: I'm okay! Eileen (continued): But it's pitch-black down here. I don't know how to get out. Rigby: I'm comin' down! Eileen: Actuallly, it'd be better if you went to get help! Rigby: Eileen, I can explain! I was going to the hospital but I got lost! Eileen: Rigby, I know you're not sick! Just tell me the truth! Rigby: Ok. I'm not just hangin' out in a cave with teens for fun. I....I never graduated from high school. Eileen: Really? Rigby: This whole cave thing is just for school credits so I can graduate and get my diploma. I never cared until I saw the Eileen Plan, but now all I can think about is how you're gonna be the president, and I'm just gonna be some jerk you used to date. Eileen: But I don't need a genius. I like you, just the way you are. Rigby: Yeah? Eileen: Yeah. Eileen: (sighs) What are we gonna do? It's way too dark to find a way out. Rigby: Hmm. I got an idea. Rigby (continued): No. Eileen: Rigby, are you digging? It sounds like you're digging. You know caves are already underground, right? Rigby: A-ha! Rigby (contninued): Here! Eileen: It's pointy. What is it? Rigby: It's quartz! Now I just need- Rigby (continued): Pentlandite! Rigby (continued): A-ha! It worked! Still not enough light. (He runs out of the light for a moment. He comes back with another small rock.) Eileen: What now? Rigby: Shhh, Listen. Eileen: It's hollow. Rigby: Uh-huh. And check this out. Eileen: Ooh! Purple geode with jasper banding. Classy. Rigby: Thanks. Rigby (continued): Now if I...here we go! Eileen: Wow. It's... Rigby: Gorgeous. Eileen: Rigby, look! Eileen (continued): Rigby, that was pretty amazing. Rigby: Yeah, I like this feeling. You know, even if I might never be brilliant, I still wanna get my diploma. For you, and for me. Eileen: I respect that. Rigby: Um, hey Eileen? Eileen: Yeah? Rigby: Can I try something when we're walking out. Eileen: Mmm, ok. Mrs. Kessler: Well, they're dead for sure. Oh, the principal's gonna have my head for this. Aiden: Look! Rigby: Yeah-yuh! Mrs. Kessler: I know everyone passes this class, but Rigby just aced it. Eileen: I get to carry you next time. Rigby: Deal.
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