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| - DJ's parents leave to go to Comic-Con, putting him in the care of dreadlocked suicidal emo babysitter Zee, who invites over her abusive boyfriend Boner. That night, DJ receives calls from Nebbercracker's house and Boner gets eaten by the house whilst trying to recover his very first condom. The next morning (which happens to be Halloween), Zee is woken up by a schoolgirl named Jenny attempting to sell heroin-laced candy so that people can be "ready" for trick-or-treaters. Zee tells her to fuck off but ends up buying two boxes of so-called crack cookies, which she gives to DJ and Chowder, who have been
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| abstract
| - DJ's parents leave to go to Comic-Con, putting him in the care of dreadlocked suicidal emo babysitter Zee, who invites over her abusive boyfriend Boner. That night, DJ receives calls from Nebbercracker's house and Boner gets eaten by the house whilst trying to recover his very first condom. The next morning (which happens to be Halloween), Zee is woken up by a schoolgirl named Jenny attempting to sell heroin-laced candy so that people can be "ready" for trick-or-treaters. Zee tells her to fuck off but ends up buying two boxes of so-called crack cookies, which she gives to DJ and Chowder, who have been watching the house from DJ's room. DJ sees Jenny approach Nebbercracker's house with her candy wagon and tells her to go back, but she calls him retarded and moves on. When the house tries to eat Jenny, DJ saves her, and Jenny takes over as the film's main love interest. The trio of preeteens find Reginald "Skull" Skulinski, a hyper-depressive, obsessive-compulsive schizophrenic nerd who is obsessed with killing video game monsters and once played Mortal Kombat for two months straight whilst surviving on just a sandwich and an adult diaper. Skull tells them that the house is a dongus magtabily, which is Latin for human house. DJ assumes that this means that Nebbercracker's soul is in the house, and that they have to put out the fireplace to kill the house as it has been burning ever since Nebbercracker had the heart attack. Chowder then suggests to fill a dummy with the heroin cookies from earlier in the film and feed it to the house, which should hopefully knock it out cold. However, this plan goes horribly wrong when two inept cops catch the kids in the act and lock them in the car. Suddenly, the house eats both the cops and the car. The kids manage to escape from the car before they are crushed to death, but are still trapped in the house. The house falls asleep, leaving DJ, Jenny and Chowder to roam around. They see that Nebbercracker used to be a member of the Demolition Squad, and used to have an obese wife named Constance. Then the trio go into the basement, where Chowder urinates on Jenny. Then DJ finds a large metal cage and inside is Constance's dead body, encased in cement. Suddenly, the house wakes up Chowder with killer slinkies. Jenny is sucked up by huge pipes. DJ manages to walk up the stairs, but then realises that he, Jenny and Chowder are how standing right over the house's teeth. Luckily, Jenny still has one of the cookies with her and she drops it down the house's throat. The house vomits the trio onto the lawn, where Nebbercracker is waiting. Nebbercracker explains that his wife Constance used to be the world's obese-est woman until a teenager pushed her down a cement-filled well. Then, the house rips out of its foundations and chases DJ, Chowder, Jenny and Nebbercracker into an abandoned or possibly haunted building site where Nebbercracker blows the house up. The final scene shows Nebbercracker and DJ handing back all the things Nebbercracker took over the years. They find Boner's first condom and laugh. Suddenly, DJ wakes up, and it is revealed that the majority of the film is a hallucination that DJ has exerienced due to the crack cookies.
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