| abstract
| - The mentality of the common ‘chav’ basically follows the ‘pack mentality’ as well as maslow’s hierarchy of needs. These breakthroughs have enabled us to better understand the chav, in a hope the better understanding we may find a way to eradicate them more efficiently and more entertainingly. Many people have suggested ideas about chavs and their social behaviours. Although a Chav congregation has, at times, been compared to a pack of wolves, the wolves have now evolved beyond chavs and are offended by the comparison. The newer (and arguably more accurate) comparison is to a hive of ants. In a chav-hive, the lower chavs follow a single alpha male with slavish loyalty, as this is their equivalent to a "queen." The alpha male in the chav social structure is the hive mind. They control what the chavs think and do. Chavs are a basic creature, requiring constant need of guidance, without such the chavs fall into anarchy and will eventually die. This has led to the belief that by killing the alpha the pack will die, however that is not the case, many times throughout a pack’s life there is an almost constant change in alpha males. The majority of the alphas are lost by a ritual known in chavish as a ‘weddin’. The alpha male makes the mistake of showing a female attention, the female starts to produce pheromones. The pheromones seduce the alpha male into a state of obsession. This phase can go on indefinitely but generally lasts for at least two weeks. The female chav then gets pregnant and lures the male into a place known to civilization as a church. The chavs have been able to adapt to living in a modern world, and so they have learned the basic needs in order to receive more money, the government finds it easier to pay off the priests then worry about the growing problem. This instinctual pattern is shown throughout many species, and is known to most of the world as the ‘ball and chain’ method. After the alpha male has been fixed by the ‘weddin’ the couple mate continuously, the female quickly wears out the male. The male slowly starves to death as the mating continues for days, the female then is able to lay the chavlets inside the council house and they feed off of the father. When a chav makes the favored position of becoming an alpha, they are able to control the entire pack. This power has started to be taken interest by the American military, who after the Iraq war now are lacking bullet fodder. And so much research has gone into what pheromones affect the chavs and whether they can be reproduced. If this is proven true then the military will be able to use the chavs as a weapon, infiltrating the creatures into foreign cities then making them attack, crippling all of the world’s trade and making millions by selling Burberry. This would give America a new grip on the world, and will start a world war. So the world has been trying to eradicate the chavs before the Americans can gain control of them. Alpha males tend to be reclusive creatures, tending to become nocturnal. During the day they send out their pack in search of females in which they can then ‘fock’ to produce an every growing population of chavs. The nocturnal status of the alpha is a purely defensive measure, as they believe that they are protected in the cover of night, what they fail to realize is that with the invention of the light bulb street lamps have been fashioned to give cities light during the night. The light from the lamp also affects the chav’s directional skills, who use the moon to find a mate. And so large groups now form under the lights in search of a mate, this is well known to be a very good chav hunting spot. When a chav becomes an Alpha, most of the pack do not have the required brain functions in order to complain; however, sometimes there is a chav who is able to think with both of its brain cells. When this happens and the alpha is challenged, two outcomes are imminent. The first is that the alpha starts to move up close and personal with the offending chav, trying to insult him, should this not work then the alpha tries to seduce the chav. As all chavs are deeply repressed homosexuals, you can tell whether or not it is working, if the chav’s hair wax starts to melt. Then you know all is lost for the chav and it should be put down humanely. The heat in the cranium is generated by the self destruction inside the brain as the basic immune system destroys the brain to eradicate the homosexual thoughts. As a result the chav then dies very slowly, the basic thought processes are completely lost, the only useful result of the mental melt down is that the chav’s body can be used as an effective fertilizer. However should this tactic not work the alpha is then banished from the pack, the result from a chav without a pack is that they evolve, they generally evolve into tramps (Not to be confused with hobos), and their biological organs metamorphosis into that resembling a human. The evolution of the chav let its body use loose change for nourishment. This had led to the common theory that most lesser life form could’ve evolved from chavs. This theory is intensely challenged by the civilized world. The scientist who proposed the idea disappeared somewhere over Russia.
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