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| - Tom and the staff have been blind since Episode 47 when Andy chose to expose himself in the studio and conduct the podcast naked. A similar, low grade incident in 1994 is the reason why John wears glasses, but it takes far more than accelerated glaucoma to end a friendship or get an out-of-court settlement. As part of their compensation, the staff received copies of Andy’s first book. However, the Braille edition will not be published until 2013. Tom is positioned in the Queen's Kingdom of Australia to protect it from Andy the avenging angel Zaltzman. Andy has been planning his slaughter of Australia in a one man whirlwind of pain and suffering, Andy's rage against this upside down nation was stirred when their primeminister touched up our queen (though who could blame him, hot stuff). The highlight of Tom’s life thus far (other than winning stars in their eyes... I love Phil Collins too) was selecting two winners of the Who or What is Jigme Wangchuck competition. In the first draft of this episode, Tom stated that the least correct answer was "Sexually unapealing" Jigme himself who was overseeing the ceremony, overheard this and was roused into a sexual fury. He quickly mounted and impregnated Tom, and within the week they were married in a civil ceremony in honolulu. The segment had to be re-recorded for taste and decency purposes. Which is why Andy sounded even more wooden and rehearsed than usual. Tom is responsible for the idea of putting out a Pirelli Style calendar for the Hotties From History section, though his role in its creation is often forgotten, but his suggestion for a replacement was "Cuties from Current Affairs," so probably for the best. Tom actually is, basically, God/Buddha/Krishna/Dennis Kucinich (Delete as applicable) of the Bugle. Ask yourself, have you ever seen his face? Yet he pulls the strings...all of them. Start praying, oh ye of little faith, so that your soul might be saved from the eternal fires of Bugle Hell! Tom is the worlds strongest, heavyset and oldest proffesional ladyboy. As stated by the belgian milk advertisement board, in big bold letters on their home page, and who are we to doubt their word? I mean they work really hard and all they get is sh*t from ignorant people like you. You make me physically sick, you should be ashamed of yourself and your family. Tom is the only person that can kill Chris (fuck you Chris) the new evil producer. In a producer battle to the death you must cut the head of the other producer, highlander style. Tom recently travelled to the uncivilized, savage land of Terra Australis Incognita, in order to slay the dragons and wyverns that prowl the super-continents fiery deserts and ashen lava fields. He also intends to round up the various tribes of cannibals and vegetable worshipping natives and train them into a mighty army, with which he will march upon the palace of the Ice-gods in Irkutsk. In order to free his maker: the man-fungus Olhamek, as well as his lover Jigme, from the dreaded dungeons of the eternal frost. He currently lives in the nation's only inhabitable area Erinsborough, where he performs sexual favour in exchange for decongestants. In a more recent update Tom sent out a warning on all Australian TV channels warning that neighboring islands would see "the storm of fire that will soon rain down to there hellish lands" and that all his subjects (slaves) must prepare to serve in his super penguin army. It is overlord Toms hopes that by him taking over the nearby countrys and there shoe makeing industry that he can usher in the apocalypse.
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