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| - D.W.: I know this is where Arthur usually talks, but I think there's some things you need to know about... D.W.: Arthur. The worst big brother in the whole world. D.W.: When we ride bikes, he always goes too fast, on purpose! Arthur: D.W., if you can't keep up, you should stay home! D.W.: I could go fast if I were as big as he is. But to get that big, I'd have to eat as much as he does. Arthur: Mmm, tasty. D.W.: (gasps) D.W.: And he's so mean. Arthur: Mom! D.W.'s in my room again without my permission! Mrs. Read: D.W.! D.W.: That sign can't stop me, 'cause I can't read! D.W.: I don't know what... D.W.: I don't know what to do about him yet, but I'll figure out something. (spoons up some of her cereal) Yuck! ~~~~~ Francine: "D.W.'s Name Game" D.W.: (searching inside title card) Arthur?! Arthur: (inside title card) Shh! ~~~~~ D.W.: I figure you guys know how to deal with brothers. You both have one. Tommy: I know how to teach your big, rotten brother a lesson. D.W.: Yeah? Tommy: He plays the piano, right? Tommy: Okay, then, here's what you do. You wait until he grows up and becomes a famous piano player... Female Fan: Can I have your autograph? Male Fan: (struggling to hold a heavy piano he has strapped to his back) Arthur, sign my piano please? Tommy: Then, when he has a big concert... D.W.: I know, I don't show up! Tommy: No, you show up late... D.W.: Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, pardon me, excuse me... Tommy: And then... You eat potato chips! Timmy: That's dopey. Who wants to wait until he grows up?! (Tommy sticks his tongue out him.) D.W. here's a good idea. Arthur: (monotone) Am I making you happy, my queen? Timmy: Great, huh? D.W.: Why would he do all that? Timmy: Oh, I forgot that part. Tommy: Duh! Arthur: Am I making you happy, my queen? Timmy: D.W., you get secret hypnotic powers and make Arthur your obedient hypno-brother. Arthur: I enjoy doing your chores. Arthur: I enjoy doing your chores. D.W.: (lying on her bed, reading a book with the mind-control spiral on the cover) Of course you do. Tommy: Don't you know it takes hundreds of years to learn hypnotize-izing, noodle-brain? D.W.: Yeah, it's a bad idea. Timmy: (angry) Well, come up with your own ideas, then, D.W. Dim-wit! D.W.: (standing up) Don't call me names... goopy! Tommy: (pointing and laughing) Ha ha ha ha! Ha! Goopy! You're goopy! Timmy: (pointing) You look just like me. If I'm goopy, so are you! (falls back and laughs, sits back up) Boy, D.W., you're the best at name-calling. If you call your brother good names like that, he'll surrender in no time. D.W. looks thoughtful. The scene wipes right to D.W., humming happily to herself and coloring a coloring book with a picture of a house. D.W.'s version of coloring involves making a large scribble of red. Just like in D.W.'s fantasies, Arthur enters the room with a slice of cake topped with pink icing. He sits down on the couch, grabs the remote and switches on the television, which is playing the opening of The Bionic Bunny Show. D.W.'s head is right in front of him, partially blocking the view Arthur: I can't see. Move your head! D.W.: You're not the boss of me, Mr. Goopy! Arthur: D.W., please move your big, enormous, large, gopher-looking head. D.W.: (gasps) At least my head doesn't look like a football with glasses. Arthur: No, your head looks like a big meatloaf with raisins. Mrs. Read: We'll be back at 10:30. Here's the phone number. The kids shouldn't need anything. D.W.: (entering the room, Arthur close behind) Mom! Arthur said my face looks like a watermelon except with a bad haircut! Arthur: She started it. Catherine: I can handle it. Have a good time. Mr. Read: Thanks. Be good, kids. Arthur: She started it. Catherine: I have a lot of homework, so why don't you two go play quietly, at opposite ends of the house? D.W.: (looks angry and heads upstairs) I dibs my room! Arthur: I wouldn't want to go to your stupid old messy girl room anyway! D.W.: Clammy clam face! Arthur: Turtle breath! Catherine: (running upstairs) Hey! D.W.: I don't have turtle breath! Smell! She breathes on Catherine who flinches as if having taken a blow. Judging from her expression, it appears maybe she thinks D.W. does have turtle breath. Still, she recovers quickly. Catherine: What's going on here? D.W.: (pointing at Arthur) He called me "turtle-breath!" Catherine: Why were you in her room? Arthur She took my red crayon. D.W.: I had to. It's a castle coloring book. There's a lot of bricks. Catherine: D.W., give him his crayon. Arthur, go back to the den. D.W.: This isn't working because Arthur knows more words than me. D.W.: Catherine, you're so smart. What's another word for "boring"? Catherine: (picking up a red book) If you wanna know words that mean the same as other words, you look in a thesaurus. (She opens it up.) D.W.: I can't read! Catherine: (flipping the pages) I'll look it up for you. Screenwipe right again. D.W. approaches Arthur in the living room where he is now on the couch reading a Bionic Bunny comic book. She tells him... D.W.: You are tedious! D.W.: (raising her arms and leaving the room) I did it, I win, yahoo, ya'ay! Arthur: Tedious... tedious... hey! Arthur: Do you know another word for "annoying"? D.W.: Does "the saurus" have a word for someone who eats too much cake? Catherine: You kids are really working on your vocabulary! I'm so impressed! D.W.: You are distended from eating cake. Plus, you are both adipose and corpulent. Arthur: You are... vapid! He walks out. The scene changes again. Arthur is back in the living room and he switches on the TV, which is again playing The Bionic Bunny Show. But before he can really get started watching... D.W.: If I'm vapid, you're heinous and atrocious. I bet you don't even know what that means. I do! Arthur: Well, at least my initials don't stand for "dimwit." D.W.: Ha! Tommy Tibble came up with that and he's my age! You lose! Arthur: Oh, I know what you are. You wanna know what you really are? You're such a... Dora Winifred! Arthur: Dora Winifred! D.W.: Stop it! Arthur: Dora Winifred! D.W.: Stop it! Make him stop! Catherine: Alright! Bedtime! D.W.: Arthur thinks he's so great. Catherine: Now go to sleep, D.W. D.W.: I'm not gonna let him beat me. D.W.: This place looks almost perfect. D.W.: It is perfect! I could be happy here forever! D.W.: Ah! Arthur: Dora Winifred! Dora Winifred! D.W.: Stop! You're ruining everything. Help! D.W.: Walter, my deer! Walter: Don't cry, D.W. You can defeat the evil Arthur. Ask the great Thesaurus! D.W. Oh, Walter, thank you! D.W.: So, where is the saurus? Walter: He dwells beyond the woods. D.W.: That's a long way to go. Do you have a picture of the place? D.W.: (speaking from inside the picture) You didn't wanna watch me walk through the woods, did you? That would be so boring. (She approaches Tommy and Timmy.) Tommy? Timmy? Timmy: We were turned to stone by the insults of the evil Arthur. D.W.: Really? Tommy: You think I'm "lyin'"? D.W.: Bummer! Tommy: You're telling me?! My nose itches! Tommy: Ooh, thank you. ... D.W., look out! He'll turn you to stone! Get away! Arthur: Dora Winifred! D.W.: (gasping for breath) Where's the saurus? Ms. Turner: The reference section. Follow me. Ms. Turner: This is the history section. Ms. Turner: Science and technology section. D.W.: Wow! I never knew all this stuff was in the library! Ms. Turner: Here we are. D.W. (nervously) Um, are you the saurus? Thesaurus: It's one word. Thesaurus. The Thesaurus. Sheesh. D.W.: I don't even know how to read. Thesaurus: I-I'd love to hear your full life story, but I got a lot of words to organize. It's a mess in there. D.W.: I need the perfect word for Arthur. Thesaurus: First, you must prove yourself worthy. D.W.: Oh, nothing's ever easy. Thesaurus: Name three words for goofy! D.W.: (counting on her fingers) Silly, foolish and... Arthur! Thesaurus: That's right! Now I will fulfill your wish. The perfect name to call Arthur is... D.W.: Oh, Arthur! Arthur: I'm melting! I'm melting! D.W.: Nobody told me you'd melt! Arthur! Arthur: Calling people names can be dangerous to their health. D.W.: What can I do? What can I do?! Somebody help me! D.W.: Arthur? Arthur? Mrs. Read: D.W., wake up. D.W. (waking up) Mommy?! I'm sorry! I didn't know! Mrs. Read: You were having a bad dream, honey. Mr. Read: (entering the room) Here, have a glass of water. D.W.: Ahhhhh, Arthur! Arthur: (entering the room in his nightclothes) Ahh. What? D.W.: (rushing over to him and giving him a hug) I'm sorry I called you names. Arthur: Well, you called me... I mean I'm sorry too. D.W.: I had this dream and the Tibbles were in it, and you were in it, Arthur... D.W.: (points) And you were in it too. Thesaurus: (appearing outside D.W.'s window) Ah, sheesh!
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