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| - Carl: I get it, okay? I get it. (scene switches to PFSC singing "Let's Get Retarded" live.) PFSC are idiots. All of them. If one stupidity had a name, it would be Coltrane, Stacy...and the other two guys. (a screen shows a picture of PFSC. P&F are captioned as "Triangle Head" and "The Guy Who Doesn't Talk") They're all just complete idiots. Carl: We start off the music video with Coltrane talking about a new device for the recording studio. Coltrane: (gestures to the new device) This is going to take PFSC into 3008. Carl: Stop saying that. Coltrane: When it's time to make a new song, you just type in the lyrics, and this thing saves it. Carl: This device apparently simulates the voices of the singer, allowing Coltrane to automate the recording process. Stacy: So...you're saying a machine can do whatever the artist or group can do? Annotation: "artist" Stacy: (angrily) Yeah, but it's not real! Carl: However, this new device is harshly received by Stacy, because (sarcastically) God knows, there's no defender of organic music like Stacy-Stace. I think we've all listened to her acoustic album. Stacy: (sings "My Humps" while an offkey guitar plays in the background, making it look like Stacy's the offkey one) Carl: Angered, Stacy storms out, crashes her motorcycle, and suffers the head injury that presumably inspired this song. Let's take a listen. Coltrane: Imma be imma be imma imma imma be. Imma be imma be imma imma imma be. Imma be imma be imma imma imma be. Imma be be be be imma imma be... Carl: (sighs) Well, I guess we should start out with the very, very, VERY obvious. Coltrane: (sings "Imma Be" while images of famous bee mascots pop up) Carl: Yeah, I am under no impression that this is some clever observation of my part. It's not clever because everyone has thought the same thing. I'M thinking it, YOU'RE thinking it, ALBERT'S thinking it (a picture of Albert looking confused with a word bubble that says "I'm a bee?" pops up) because that's what they're saying! They're telling us that they're bees! They're telling us that they're big, buzzing bees! BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! BZZZZZZZZZZ! Carl: There's even a picture of a bee on the cover of the single. I guess they didn't have room for a giant "Yes, we do know better, but we did it anyway" sign. Carl: We would not be having this problem if they added some kind of predicate, or anything else to that ungrammatical, incomplete phrase. But it's just those two words, repeated over and over until the end of time. And PFSC isn't the only offender in this, either. Baljeet: A milli a milli a milli... Jenny: Imma imma a diva, Imma imma a diva... Carl: I don't know how we got to the point where the path to a hit song is to hit you with two or three stupid words repeated over and over until you hemorrage. Didn't we force songwriters to write a hook of some kind!? This isn't a song, it's a busting feeding frenzy! Candace: It's a busting feeding frenzy, stay outta the water (repeats) Carl: To be fair, there are other lyrics beside "imma be". Not good lyrics, but other lyrics. Stacy: Imma be on the next level, imma be rocking over that bass treble.... Coltrane: Imma be the upgrade new (bleep)... Carl: ....Good for you? (sighs in annoyance) I liked "I Got A Feeling" for many reasons, but especially for the whole mood of the thing. It was a party everyone was invited to. "Imma Be" is NOT a party you're invited you, not that you'll want to be invited. The minute PFSC start bragging about themselves, I tune out. If they were clever about it, it would be one thing, but otherwise? .....Eh....... Stacy: Imma-imma swing it that-a-way, imma-imma-imma-imma swing it that-a-way... Carl: .....Okay? Stacy: (in the song) Okay! Carl:........... Stacy: Imma be up in those A-list flicks doing underhanded flips... Carl: What do you want, a medal? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with this information that Stacy...wants to launch a career in...film acrobatics? And based on the beginning of the music video, I would NOT see that acting career taking off. Stacy: (angrily) We're not robots! Carl: You sure? Stacy: Imma be spreading my wangs... Carl: WHAT!? Skipping that. Coltrane: Imma be brillant with my millions, loan out a billion and get back a trillion... Carl: Wow....he just rhymed millions with billions and then with trillions.....they're not even trying. So it is at this point we have to play (plays piano) FINISH THE RHYME! I am so pumped for this! I'm so ready for this! Coltrane: Imma be your brother but my name ain't Lehman, imma be your bank I'll be loading out... Carl: .......I don't know......Um, this is a tough one. Freemen? G-men? Se...oh no oh no oh no oh no no no no no! Coltrane: Imma be your bank I'll be loading out (bleep)... Carl: UGGGGGGGGGGH! Why did that just happen!? Why did he think anyone wanted to hear that!? Carl: And then, out of nowhere, it turns into a complete different song. Coltrane: Imma be up in the club, doing whatever I like... Carl: If I have to listen to one more phrase of "imma be", I'll shoot myself. PFSC: Imma be, imma be, imma be, imma be... (keeps repeating) Carl: (tries to shoot himself with a gun) AAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAA....this isn't a real gun. Coltrane: (rapping) Watch me put it on the blog, rockin' like this my job.... Carl:...........(sarcastically) Sure, let me get right on that. (takes out a laptop and types into it) Dear Major Monogram, rockin' like this my job! Annotation: Happy? Coltrane: We can't help that we're popular, and all these folks wanna flock to us... Annotation: NOT A RHYME Carl: No, I'll give that to you. It is not your fault that you're popular, that's society's fault. Carl: It's possible that they had two song concepts that weren't strong enough on their own, so they had to jam them together. In the video, they actually jammed two songs in one because they couldn't let this stupid, stupid music robot concept go to waste. This new song is called "Rock That Body". I don't know why it exists, it probably gives them a chance to show off their Dextro and Sarah Palin costumes. But it's not that bad.... Stacy: (in a high pitched Autotune voice) Rock that body! Come on, come on rock that body! Carl: Okay, we're done. Carl: Let's check back in with Stacy, who's apparently just fine after the accident because she absorbed all the damage with her head. Coltrane: What happened? Stacy:....I just got the greatest idea for a music video. Carl: And a terrible idea for a song! Goodnight everybody!
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