| abstract
| - I’m not usually the kind of guy who goes out with a girlfriend. You’d always see me by myself, occasionally talking to some of the shyer guys at my school; we all fit in with each other, had the same interests, and didn’t judge each other at all. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Finally got a bit of luck, though. Girl moves in to my Algebra class sporting a Megadeth T-shirt (my favorite band), acts a little sarcastic. I’m not usually one to base attraction on apparel, but the best part was that she was gorgeous. I mean, it’s not like every upper classman would say they’d totally fuck her or something demeaning like that, but to me she was golden. A few zits, perfectly symmetrical facial features, eyes were kind of smaller than usual, big lips, but none of that really mattered. The best part was whenever she said something. She carried a fantastic wit, a bit of a stoner voice but I didn’t mind. I thought we’d be able to babble back and forth given the chance, just talk about stuff and she’d have something smart and funny to say every time. Friends got to her before I did, though. I found out through them that we had some similar interests. Smash Bros. Brawl fan, likes comics (not the same ones as I did, but I shouldn’t complain), really open and honest, you could tell her anything according to my friends’ account of the situation, she wouldn’t care. From the looks of it she gravitated towards Harris the most; he was always the ladies man in our little circle. I finally got the adrenaline rush to just talk to her after a week. I walked up after algebra class and mumbled a few jokes that built off of something she said earlier. She laughed, “Yeah, only guy to say that to me. Hell, only guy to compliment me period. What’s your name?” I froze; I haven’t looked her in the eyes the entire time during the conversation. I look like I just took a shit in the teacher’s coffee and was ashamed of it. I always had a terrible stutter, so I just said my name was Ron. It was actually Alan but I could never get past a vowel at the beginning of a word. She looked a little sympathetic, like I was just a loser to her, but to my surprise, I heard, “I know this is going to sound like I’m stepping on land mines, but could I have your phone number?” “I... why?” “It’s okay if you don’t want to give it to m-.“ “No! No, I was just shitfaced for a moment, sorry.” I gave her my number. The additional S-bomb probably unintentionally smoothed things over. She’d swear like a sailor in the classroom, another thing we both did constantly. I don’t think I even use the term “shitfaced” right, but whatever. I was in. I later apologized and told her I was actually named Alan and she seemed to start to interrogate me before stopping herself and apologizing for it. Harris didn’t show up for an entire week afterward. Wound up missing. I was a little worried, but I was too focused on Abb (nickname for Audrine, I got her name and her nickname through my little friend circle). She was amazing, first and greatest girl I’ve ever went out with and the only girl that was in sync with my thoughts. I could never bring myself to look her directly in the eyes, too nerve-wracking. Felt like a little douche for not doing her the favor of actually making eye contact, but I fucking had a girlfriend and couldn’t care less about anything else, Oddly enough I found out things she wouldn’t tell me through my friends. She also shared interests with everyone in the circle, didn’t matter what interests they were. It was a week in and we were sitting in her car after school had ended. Parking lot was empty. She smiled and asked if we could go to my place. I hesitated and basically shit in my teacher’s coffee cup again. I didn’t tell my parents about Abb; I didn’t want her at my house because I felt things were actually too fast for me. She also kept questioning why I wouldn’t look her in the eyes after numerous explanations and understandings of my social awkwardness. I finally said, “No, look Abb… you’ve been fucking amazing, but I haven’t told my parents yet, I don’t tell them anything these days anyhow, I’m really sorry, do you have an E-mail? We could still talk even when we aren’t in the same spot, y’know.” I know I sounded like a prick, but Abb seemed to take it too badly, she looked like she literally froze in place, smile and everything. Her smile was the only part of her body that finally moved, into a mildly frustrated frown. She readjusted herself, “Okay, I’ll take you to my place if you’re going to be so secretive about me” she smiled and grabbed my crotch, “We could spend some time in the same spot there.” She proposed that we have a little snuggling session. Considering I was probably never going to have another opportunity to get this close to a woman and enjoy it, I agreed. I could very well get laid; she was surprisingly understanding about everything for the first week, now we just needed to get through the first month together and not have any foul ups. We moved from the couch to the bed, I don’t like kissing normally but she convinced me far too well. My eyes were closed most of the time, was completely into it, when she stopped. She was stern and condescending in her tone when she said, “What’s. Wrong. Alan?” She’d normally call me Al; I wasn’t interested in her talking to me like this and snapped back, “I don’t know, maybe the insecurity issues I talked about for the past week aren’t gone? I’m too nervous, Abb. I’m sorry, but you knew I couldn’t look you in the eye, even if you asked nicely. I just can’t do it.” I opened my eyes, and looked in hers for the first time, completely nightmarish. Her eyes looked as if the surfaces were cut off and they were bleeding black tar, no pupils. She opened her mouth to speak and she sounded higher pitched, like she took in a small bit of helium. Her mouth was toothless, not just toothless, but as if her teeth were fucking ripped off, her gums bleeding, and filled with sores. The zits she had now were pulsating and grew to the size of warts; her hair was frizzed and had white stems. Her mouth and cheeks permanently fixed in what would’ve been a goofy, cheerful smile. She was screaming every word now, “Look at me, boyfriend!” she cried. If I wasn’t looking her in the face before, I wasn’t going to now. I pushed her off of me and I regretfully noticed some more things: Her limbs looked red as if she got out of a steaming shower. Her arms and hands were white and pruned, veins shining through. Her eyes were now black and pruned with small round growths sprouting out of them, and she was fast on her feet, to my inconvenience. After I pushed her off she bolted back up and ran after me as I jolted out of my house, her footsteps seemed faster with each lunge, I got out and didn’t looked back, ran into the cul-de-sac that was nearby and regurgitated in the grass a bit, that visage would make a permanent residence in my nightmares, but it was over. I locked my door when I got home, told my parents her family was insane and that she had to kick me out of the house early due to that. As the story stood now, her religious, military grandfather tried to assault me and chased me out of the house. My parents constantly apologized for something that wasn’t their fault, but it was my first real relationship, they must have felt bad. The next day Audrine didn’t show up for school, her house was vacant when I got a few of my friends to drive me there for company and backup. Blinds were shut and the lights didn’t work, as if she didn’t exist. I’m not into relationships anymore at that point, my inability to look at women continues to this day, and for good reason. I didn’t get rid of her and wasn’t sure what she’d do next. But after a bit of thought I finally pieced it together; she’d frighten victims to death. Harris was found dead of a heart attack in the vacant house not much after the incident I had, the very fact that his corpse was in the same vicinity as me was too much to think about. She must’ve looked him in the eye too many times and formed a bond with him (My friends later said he was wrapped around her finger, I thought he was just acting). Harris didn’t like the emotional connection in a relationship, and his actions towards that… fucking thing were too out of character for someone like him, to boot. His corpse, according to forensics reports, had the same black tar-like blood coming out of his eyes and mouth, his veins were almost glowing. They hadn’t seen anything like it. His face wasn’t cut, but pulled into a Glasgow smile. Needless to say, my friends were completely convinced of what happened to me and knew that no one else needed to be told anything. A month later and the entire thing is just an awkward conversation starter, I haven’t had a hair on my head harmed since then. My cousin and I keep in touch; she’s been one of my closest allies and a sage of information over the years, ranked up there with my friend circle in terms of people I trust. I knew I could trust her, lesbianism was a trait that made us bond, considering we both like the same gender, and have common ground in terms of talking about relationship troubles. I wouldn’t talk to her about my distrust towards women, it’d be too uncomfortable. Maybe I could use metaphors or some shit to explain what’s wrong and what happened to me, after all, she’s in nearby for the weekend after a hard semester of college. Before I get a chance to contact her she sends me a text at about 7:00 in the evening and I can barely move or speak for a few minutes: “Alan! Looks like I got a new GF (that’s right, got a new girlfriend a week ago, suck it bitch!), going out with my Abb tonight. Don’t be a douche and come with me please. Get ready, I’ll pick you up in an hour”
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)