| abstract
| - AC Training Chamber This stark, spacious chamber is well reinforced and shielded to stand up to the strain of many practice bouts. A gleaming training drone stands in one corner of the room, ready for work. The walls are sheathed in reflective alloys, allowing the combatants to observe their motions and progress. Blurr can be found in the training simulator, wailing on several training programs at once. It's the only way he can think of to vent his...well, everything. Frustration, anger, grief, disappointment...That is, without getting into trouble--again. He slashes at a hologram, obliterating it from existence, as he shoots another one at the same time. Another wave comes, and again he is at it. Again and again and again, until he drops to the floor from exhaustion... Tailgate has been doing a lot of wandering and exploring lately, ever since that incident with Vector Sigma, he's been trying to piece back together his patchy memory. It's been hard.. since Shiftlock and Jetfire have already done pretty much all they can to help. He's been writing things down a lot, and trying to read through his logs daily--his short term memory is repaired now, but he's still having trouble remembering, well, a lot of the things that have happened to him in the past. The base is still a huge, and intimidating place that he's not familiar with--somehow, he ends up in the training chamber. He's a little shocked to find that he's stumbled across someone--someone he doesn't know, but a someone nonetheless. And this someone.. he seems very familiar. Then he suddenly remembers, one of those video survelliances he'd been given access to by Jetfire to help him remember things had him in it. Perhaps he can help him piece his past together. He bashfully approaches the blue speedster. "H-Hello? E-Excuse me, but.. can I ask you something..?" Blurr slowly looks up, and grumbles when he sees Tailgate. Oh perfect. Not him...The speedster thinks to himself. He stands up heads over to the control console, shutting down the simulation program. "...what do you want?" he mutters. "I thought you were trying to ignore me." "I... I just need to ask you something." Tailgate pauses, looking thoughtful. He frowns, very puzzled. "I... I was?" He looks away for a moment, pensive. "...what's your name?" he asks, peering at Blurr. "I've been given access to certain video feeds to help supplement my, uh, poor memory, and I found one that had you in it. I was wondering if you could shed some light on it, since I don't seem to remember anything about that situation," he asks innocently. Blurr stares at Tailgate, suddenly realizing that he didn't remember him because of the Vector Sigma experiment. Oh...yeah. That's right. Well, he'd rather keep it that way. "Just leave me alone, alright?" he turns away. Tailgate sits down, looking utterly miserable. Then he starts to weep very softly. However, after about a klik, he seems confused about this sudden flux in his emotions. "....why am I crying?" he asks rhetorically. "I feel like this has happened to me before, but I don't know why..." he trails off, then composes himself, looking desperate and sad as he tries to run after Blurr. "Please.. I don't know what I've done to you. I'm sorry if I've hurt you in the past. or--if we have some kind of terrible history between us. I don't remember any of it--I don't hardly know who I am, or what I'm doing here. I hardly know anyone in this giant place and those who can help me have already helped me as much as they can. Please... please help me." He stares pleadingly at the speedster. Blurr is really not in the mood for lubcriant-leaking. Especially not from Tailgate. He groans, staring upward before whirling around angrily. "Look, I don't know why you're asking me of all people to help you. But fine, I'll tell you the basics: You hate my struts, and I'm the last person you'd ever go to for help, okay? That's all you need to know. Now just leave me the slag alone and quit leaking lubricants everywhere." The speedster finally gives in. "Fine! Fine, it's Blurr, all right? Now will you leave me alone?! Go ask someone else for help, like Shiftlock, since she seems to be soooo fond of you!" He starts stalking away. "... Blurr..." Tailgate pauses, his optics squinting with concentration as he tries to remember that name. Unfortunately, he can't seem to remember anything about him--even though usually after mechs tell him their name he can remember them. The only thing that comes to mind is that he recalls seeing an image of the blue speedster with the name Blurr near to it--it was a billboard, somewhere. "...oh, you're that famous racer, aren't you?" Tailgate says in a quiet voice. "...Wait.. please! Blurr... I.. have something for you." Pushing his way into the Training Room, Hardhead seems even more dour than usual. Grabbing at his head, 'Hnnnnnn'. He intones to himself as he looks over Tailgate and .....ughghghg....Blurr. Seeing the two speaking, Hardhead chooses to stay back for the moment, remaining quiet...enjoying the joins his hangover. And also, Duros' hangover. The speedster just ignores Tailgate's pleas, brushing past him. Seriously, couldn't the minibot just get it through his processor that Blurr doesn't want to be around him? "Go on, go find Shiftlock!" He says, waving a dimissive hand as he heads for the simulator's exit. The courier notices Hardhead and immediately turns away, refusing to look at him. Holding out a hand to stop Blurr, Hardhead growls at the racer, "What? No time for your fans?" Hardhead frowns, "Don't tell me you charge for Autographs?" He might let out a chuckle, or a growl, or just a sigh as head is pounding...twice over. The headaches being out of rhythm may make it worse. "No.... wait!" he runs in front of Blurr. "Please.. she hurt you, didn't she? I'm sorry if she did. I've probably hurt you, too, so please, I'm asking for your forgiveness now. This could be a chance for us to start over. I know you think you want to be alone. But a real friend is there for you when you need them and even when you don't necessarily want them around." He gives Hardhead a pointed look. "Hey don't you know how to stop beating up on a mech that already down?" Tailgate says, sounding a little frustrated. Blurr has had it. With Tailgate, and CERTAINLY with Hardhead. When the heavier Autobot puts out a hand to stop him, he doesn't think. He doesn't say anything to either of them, blatantly ignoring Tailgate completely. He just reacts, balling up a fist and swinging it right at Hardhead's face. Combat: Blurr sets his defense level to Aggressive. Combat: Blurr strikes Hardhead with his I've had it with you! (Punch) attack! Tailgate just looks on, looking frustrated and upset. Before Hardhead can retaliate, he runs in between them. "Stop! Please don't do this. You're both better than this, I know you are--fighting amongst each other is what Decepticons do, not Autobots!" he cries. Optic bar tracking Blurr's movement, the Headmaster takes nearly no effort to get out of the way of the punch. The fist lands solidly on Hardhead's jaw, snapping it back. Reaching up with his right hand, Hardhead moves his head back so he can look over at the Tailgate, Hardhead shrugs to the minibot while he rubs his jaw, energon flowing out of the corner of his mouth, "Yeah, sometimes you got to keep beating a 'Mech down...to make sure he gets back up again..." Looking over at Blurr, gesturing towards the Courier, "Here is a 'Mech who never had to work at it...Everything given to him, credits, gifts, accolades, whatever..." Sighing, "But now, here he is...near deep in the muck. Learning that with Command comes responsibilities that you don't want. Having to watch your friends Die...Sending people to their Death. It ain't pleasant, and it will destroy your soul." Now looking back at Blurr, "Feel better?" Lowering his hand. "You have courage, Son. I'll give you that...but will you learn to control your emotions? Or will you let them control you. You could be so much better, so much potential...but so much waste...on the frivolous thing known as pride." Glowering at the Famous Racer, "And only the first one is free." "Stop! Stop it! Hardhead, apologize to Blurr," Tailgate suddenly assumes a smallish air of authority. "I'm tired of watching people run around in ugly circles of revenge, trying to make sure that EVERYONE gets what they deserve. Because if we kept doing that we'd soon all be dead--or Decepticons. Just because you don't think Blurr deserves respect and love doesn't mean you have to keep pounding him into the ground. The more you drive someone down, more likely it is that they'll never get back up. You talk about courage, and pride, but you're neither strong enough or humble enough to admit that by saying those things, you're just feeding the vendetta that never should been held in the first place." Really? Really? No, no you're not helping, Hardhead. You are really not helping. Blurr rubs his hand, realizing that he probably just caused more himself more pain than Hardhead. Does he feel better? No, not in the least. Not that he'd expected to, anyway. He hadn't expected anything, it had just been a reaction. The speedster doesn't say anything, just continues to glare at both of them. He's just far too angry, frustrated, grieved, disappointed--pretty much every negative emotion you could possibly name right now, to listen to either of them. Once upon a time, he would have confided in Torque. But those days were gone. And there is simply no one else he is willing to put his pride away for. Finally he just pushes past them. "Just...don't talk to me." And he means that for the both of them. Looking at Tailgate, he glares at the small 'Mech. "Apologize? For trying to make him into a Leader?" He points a finger at Tailgate, the mini's words clearing striking his laser core. And more likely Duros' soul. Lowering his finger, Hardhead looks at Tailgate. "You don't understand..." He lowers his head, "If you break out here, then how can I trust you in the field when the stakes are high? War ain't about glory. It is about surviving and doing the job assigned. That's it." He sighs, "No one deserves Respected. It is earned." He then roars in anger. "And so what if he doesn't get back up? Then good. He can go live his life somewhere else, and the rest of us can live our lives." He then looks at Blurr. "WHAT THE SLAG IS WITH YOU ANYWAYS? You want to die? You want to be famous? Why do you even fight?" Blurr was already halfway down the corridor when Hardhead shouts at him. The questions resonate in his mind, but they only make matters worse because the fact is, he doesn't know the answer to them. "I don't know, okay? I don't know..." FWISH. And he's gone, having dashed around the corner and out of sight. "No! I do. I understand. It's hard. And that isn't what war is about. War is about fighting for what you believe in and helping justice prevail where evil is rampant. It's about gaining peace by stopping the bad that banishes it. It's not just about surviving and doing your job. It's about living for 'the after.' Because if we didn't have something to hope for, then we 'd have nothing fight for. And respect is not something you give to people because they deserve it, it's something you give to others out of the goodness of your heart, because if they don't deserve it, it's the smallest thing you can do in hopes of helping them become a better person." Tailgate looks upset. "How can you have such hate towards a fellow Autobot? Don't you realize that it's words like the ones you say, and emotions you're harboring right now, that starts wars like these? I know, I know. Forgiveness is a really hard thing. Especially when the person who requires it has hurt you and all your friends so much--perhaps even to the point of death. I don't know if you believe in human wisdom. But once I heard it said, 'The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.'" "Justice? You think there is justice out?" Hardhead roars at the minibot. "If there was justice then more Decepticons would be falling and we wouldn't be losing friends..." He slams his right hand as a fist into his left hand. "We wouldn't have torn Earth apart or Nebulous, or continue to sit idly as Crystal City is slowly destroyed." He spreads his arms wide apart, "The After? There ain't no after for me Tailgate. It is just the war...and when the war ends, I'll either be dead or deactivated." He shakes his head furiously, "Goodness of my heart? Their ain't any heart left...I left my heart with my wife on Nebulous..." Pausing, Hardhead frowns as he listens to himself, softly he says, "I don't have a wife...I don't have a wife." Straightening back up, Hardhead looks over at Tailgate. "I don't hate Blurr, I don't hate anyone...." Hardhead sighs, "I just hate watching head strong youths dying...I am tired of watching them die and there ain't a slagging thing I can do..." He spreads his arms, "Who do I forgive for starting this war? We are all guilty Tailgate...ain't no way this Energon is coming off any of our hands." Tailgate shakes his helm. "Even if you believe that there is none--we still have to keep fighting for it, otherwise, we have nothing. Nothing to keep battling for. You can't change the past, so don't dwell on it, instead, move forward with hope that one day, everything will be better." He just looks sad when Hardhead says there's nothing after the war. "Then what are you fighting for? Why would you ask Blurr a question you can't even answer yourself? If you're fighting to give others a hope and a future, then good, but don't you want a place in it?" He sighs. "That's not true. if you care about me, you've got plenty of heart left. I know you're tired of watching people die. I am too. But when war happens, people end up sacrificed for the greater good even if that's the last thing everyone wants. And saying all those terrible things to Blurr isn't going to stop it. Yes, you're right, we are all responsible for the war. But I guess that's another reason why we fight. To try and right wrong that we started. But the first thing to do is forgive yourself. Then Blurr and ask for his forgiveness. And then, everyone else that has hurt you or you feel is responsible for the war among the Autobots. Because in a world as twisted, terrible, and dark as the one we live in, every bit of good counts." He stops, looking pensive. "I sense that Blurr has hurt me a lot in the past.... but I'm not going to let that change my friendship with him. Instead, I am going to just allow myself to forget whatever bad he did to me and forgive him instead. It's the least I can do to end this vicious cycle." Smiling sadly at Tailgate, Hardhead looks down at the 'Mech, neither angry or sad. "I think you mistake me. I fight so Duros can return home. And so that one day, people like you can run the world, without interference from people like me." Hardhead thumps his chest. "Tailgate, I am only good at Soldiering, ain't no use for soldiers when this war is over." He chuckles softly to himself, "Although Duros describes this farm he grew up on..." Shaking his head. "That ain't important." He wipes off the last trace of Energon off his jaw, "Eh, Blurr needed to hear what I said. He needs to find his own answers." Frowning, "Forgive myself? Ain't nothing to forgive on that front. I do, what needs to be done." He frowns at Tailgate, "Ask his forgiveness? For what? If I didn't say these things to him, someone else would." He shrugs, "And how did, Blur hurt you?" Pieces of puzzles click, "And are you ok? You weren't exactly in tip-top shape when last I saw you..." "That's good, and I'm really glad that you want Duros to return home. But I fight for the same reasons. So if you didn't make it through the war, my reason and hope to see all of this ended wouldn't be fully realized," he says sweetly, giving Hardhead a sad look. "You never know. Sometimes we find our hobbies only after all of our hurt has healed. You can't predict the future, who knows, after the war is over, you might end up on a small farm far out somewhere peaceful with Duros, to live out the rest of your days in peace." Tailgate shakes his helm. "Well, you said we were all responsible for the war, and I guess I just assumed you meant yourself included. Ask his forgiveness for hurting him unecessarily, and that you don't hate him. Apologizing doesn't mean you're right or wrong, It simply says you value your relationships and the unity of all the Autobots more than your pride and reputation. And if he forgives you, thank him for allowing you to be forgiven. And if he doesn't--at least you won't have anymore hard feelings, and you'll feel so much freer to move on and forget about the past because you've done your part." Tailgate beams a little at him, happy that someone is concerned for his well being. "I'm alright. I'd be better if there was less hurting among all the bots here on this base." He gives him a look that says, 'And if you care enough, you'll do what you can to subtract from it.' "It isn't important. I don't know. And I'm going to leave it that way. Because the first to apologize is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest, and the first to forget is the happiest." "Duros didn't understand when he signed up." Hardhead states, "He didn't understand the full price the Horseman of War demands." Hardhead looks over at Tailgate. He points at his shoulder cannon, then his tank tread legs, then generally to his combat paint job. "I'm only good for thing, Tailgate." He shakes his head, "'Sides, don't you think I deserve a retirement when the war is over? A chance to just forget...maybe even see some lost..." Hardhead searches for a word. Friends starts to form, but changed to "Comrades. Lost Comrades on the other side. As long as I can remember, and as long as one Decepticon functions, I won't ever be at peace. I'll have to hunt down that Decepticon. Not out of malice or hate, but just because it is what I do. All that I do." "You see Tailgate, I don't care about my reputation...I don't care. Blurr and I ain't never going to be friends. And besides sometimes my Hard Feelings are the only Feelings I have left." "And yeah, I am responsible for the war, 'Cause I am a cog in the war. As long as I turn the war turns. When I stop turnin' then the War Machine stops a little bit." "Pain is the only constant in this Universe Tailgate...not sure I can ever even make a dent into that..." He shakes his head, "Yeah, maybe you are right Tailgate. Maybe I am not that strong. Maybe my will is shattered. Maybe I am coward who doesn't care to live. Or so the voice in my head asks me...but in the end, what is there really? What is all about?" Hardhead looks almost pleading at Tailgate, "That's the point..." Smiling sadly, "You're good people Tailgate...don't let others tell you otherwise, I'm glad you care about me, but trust me...I am a lost cause." Tailgate shakes his helm. "You can still have retirement without dying!" He sighs. "But don't you believe in change? I know it's hard to fathom it when all you've ever known is what you know now... but things can change. People can change. You could. Blurr might too. Shiftlock says that when she met me, she started running lines of code she never knew she had. Pain is not the only constant in this universe. As long as there's bad, there will be good to resist it. That's just the way the universe works. Not even the all the darkness in the whole universe could be enough to snuff out the light of one candle. Don't you see? We all live to become better. People can change. I hope to Primus that one day everyone can say, 'I may not be perfect, but I'm certainly not who I used to be and not all I might be yet.' You're only as good as you believe you are. If you simply accept what you believe to be bad about yourself, you'll never challenge yourself to exceed your limitations and go above and beyond what you ever dreamed or hoped you might be." Staring at Tailgate, Hardhead just listens, his body perfectly still, his face a granite slab of neutrality. When Tailgate finishes, Hardhead's optic bar flickers for a moment and his left hand twitches. Never has anyone stripped him bare before like that, turned his circuits inside out, studied them and then carefully placed them back into his frame, patting them gently as if to say, 'There, there'. Opening his mouth to speak, Hardhead then closes it again. Slowly his raises his right hand and rolls it over, so the palm faces Tailgate. "Shiftlock is special." Is all he can muster for a moment. "But if I change Tailgate, who is going to die, so that you and your kind can change the word? Who will stand as statue in some buried crypt as a reminder of the horrible price of war?" Lowering his hand, "Whose exploits will be elevated beyond their worth, so that the next Tyrant realizes that there will always be those who will rise and stop them." Shaking his head, "If I change, then I condemn someone else to take my place. I can't, I won't do that...not again...I already made that mistake." "No, she's not. I mean, she is. But we all are. For being alive, and having survived as far as we have, even though we've fought, loved, been hurt, hurt others, made memories, and had regrets. See, that's the crazy thing about change. It turns your world upside down. Sometimes it's painful and more than you think you can bear, but one day far down the road called life, you'll look back on it and be glad for it, because it made you stronger and better. And sometimes, it feels like a piece of heaven, if it exists, fell down and landed in your lap. It's unimaginably good, more than you could ever hope for or even fathom. And you stand there, wondering it if it is just too good to be true, sometimes it is, and sometimes... it isn't. It's real. And it's all you can do to revel in the fact that your dreams actually did come true, unlike you had originally believed." Tailgate looks sincerely at Hardhead. "And it can happen. If it can happen to Shiftlock, it can happen to you, it can happen to everyone, because no one is accurate enough to predict the future and say for sure that it won't. No one can know for sure what change will do. You never know--if you believe in it enough to make an earnest attempt to make it happen, it just might. Change... it is what's going to win the war. I just know it." Passively listening, Hardhead once more gives no clues on his thoughts about Tailgate's words. Nodding slowly, "You are right." The gruff Headmaster states. "Change is what is going to win this war, but that change is that we are going to have to get a whole lot meaner and more ruthless..." Hardhead almost sounds sad as he says the words, "The 'Cons aren't going to stop. No matter how much we may wish that to change." Looking off, Hardhead seems to go quiet, as if that is all he plans to say, before softly speaking, "What are you going to change Tailgate? Why do you even care about my spark? Just 'cause I am an Autobot?" Even softer, "Have you been touched by God? Do we really merge back into one." The last words sound almost soft, as if he can't believe he is saying them, but still he feels compelled to anyways, if for no other reason that Tailgate's passion has worn down his normal grim front. Tailgate looks a little frustrated. "No, that isn't the answer. If we become meaner and more ruthless, morally, we're lowering ourselves one step closer to what the Decepticons are. And that's what makes Autobots different from Decepticons. Autobots care about each other, and whether everyone realizes it or not, we're one big family, and it's everyone's duty to love one another even if we don't necessarily like each other. I care about you because you're my brother, in a sense. I don't know what kind of change I can make, because I'm just me and I don't know what everyone else will do. But I will start by loving freely, forgiving all, apologizing when needed, respecting everyone regardless of whether they deserve it or not, taking little, and giving a lot." He inches a little closer to Hardhead, optics shining brightly. "We cannot fight evil with evil. That's counterproductive. It's easy to be angry at the 'Cons and tear them to shreds, letting anger and revenge fuel your desire to punish their evil. Difficult is having the strength and courage to know when to draw the line and control yourself even when your emotions are getting the best of you by not lowering yourself to their level of violence and dishonor. We will fight evil with good. Because when you learn to forgive the wrongs that have been done to you by someone, you take away their power to hurt you. Who knows what the future will bring--the Decepticons may decide to live in peace with us after all. Change.. like you said, is going to win the war. But it is not just change, but change for the better. " Tailgate blinks when Hardhead asks him if he's been touched by God. "Um..? I sort of believe in Primus?" he says, a little puzzled. Looking at Tailgate. "Vector Sigma..." Hardhead states as a statement or a question...hard to tell. Looking over Tailgate, Hardhead shrugs, "But maybe that is my change, to fall into evil, so that others can be freed..." He sighs again, "Maybe I just don't have any honor left to stain." Hardhead shakes his head, "Tailgate, I just don't think I can forget or forgive, too much pain, and nothing else to fill the void." "You don't know that!" Tailgate quickly counters. "I believe in you. I believe you can change for the better. Don't say those things. You are only as good or as bad as you believe you are--by saying those things, you limit yourself and your potential. You could be so much more, so much happier and optimistic if you only let yourself. Dream a little, hope some more, love a lot and maybe you'll get something you thought was too good to be true," he says sincerely. Shaking his head, Hardhead lets out a sigh. "You give me too much credit, maybe one day, Duros will be happy again....but he has something he wants." Hardhead nods. "I just want to end the Decepticons, and it is hard to think how that desire merges with what you are saying." Hardhead motions to the crypt, "Tailgate, I know you mean well, but thoughts like that can get a soldier killed. Hope is lethal on the battlefield. Doing it right, doing it sound, doing it effectively is what is needed." "Maybe, many Vorns ago, I might have been able to listen, but now...I don't listen to much, besides battle reports." "He could be, if that's what you want for him and if you try hard enough, it could happen." Tailgate sighs. " Of course, you can end them. When the war is over, there won't be any Autobots, there won't be any Decepticons either. We'll all be.. Cybertronians, just like we were before the war happened." He looks thoughtful. "Maybe, but a lot times the things that may get us killed are also the things that help us press forward and carry on when we have nothing else to believe in." Tailgate just looks sad and frustrated, he stares at the floor unhappily. "Maybe if you and everyone else were more open change things would be better. Instead of saying, I don't, why can't you just say I may not? You agreed that change is what will win the war, but you seem so unwilling to change yourself." "You still see us as Cybertronians, I just can't. I can't ever see a Decepticon as anything but horrific monster. A band of tyrants with defective programming. Can't you see, that is why there is no place for me the in future, I can't ever see the Decepticons as Cybertronians again. I can't ever see living in society with them again. To me, the war will never be over...I tried to stop once and all it did was ruin more lives, innocent lives that didn't even ask to be dragged into our little War." Hardhead shakes his head, "You may be right that I could be a 'better' person. Make positive change..." Hardhead smiles sadly at his friend, "But that time hasn't come yet." He nods his head towards the Minibot, his posture suggesting the words affected him more than he may let on. "Regarding Blurr...I shall consider what you say and make my own analysis." "Do not change Tailgate. One day, you will be right and on that day, remember all of us, who could make the leap you are asking." Hardhead nods, pivots and starts to walk out. Tailgate hurries over to his side quickly just once more before he walks out. "Don't stop believing. Mistakes mean you're trying, and for the love of Primus, don't give up on trying. Failure is one step closer to knowing the solution, because once you've figured out that one way doesn't work, you can move onto the next one and make progress. Change will make a difference--and we have to do more than just believe in it, we have to let our actions speak louder than our words." His spark swells at the though of Hardhead living for a day when he could be.. better. "Then live for that day--always be striving for it. I just know you can do it." He bows his helm a little. "Thank you... please tell me if you decide to forgive Blurr and ask for his forgiveness. It would mean a lot to me...and I think that even if it is a small start, it's something." And with that, he waves farewell to the larger mech and heads back to his own quarters.
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