| Contents
| - :Lois: Why the hell would Daddy buy the Brewery?
:Brian: Well, there's children in the room. Watch your swearing.
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:Joe: I have to confiscate your license and you're gonna have to walk home.
:Brian: But, can't you at least just give me a ride?
:Joe: No can do, Amigo.
:Brian: Alright, I guess I'll just call an Uber.
:[Brian calls an Uber and Joe's phone rings]
:Joe: Are you Brian?
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:Co-Worker: Goodnight, Peter.
:Peter: Goodnight, gender transitioned co-worker, we had a whole meeting about.
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:Tricia: Peter, are you sure you heard Mr. Pewterschmidt correctly? He actually said he wanted cheap, toxic materials inserted into the Brewery supply stream?
:Peter: Well, his eyes looked different, how he said it, but that was the gist.
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:Tricia: Mr. Griffin, it sounds like you've brought me an interesting story. What should I do with it, Ollie?
:Ollie: MAKE IT NEWS!
:Peter: Oh, you've got a standing desk too?
:Ollie: SITTING'S BAD!
:Peter: I know, they don't wanna hear it though.
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:Peter: I swear, Mama Tricia. I'm gonna make you the proudest tiger mom of all. Not like how Jesus feels about his kid.
:[Cutaway to Jesus and his son, Billy]
:Billy: Dad, I got bullied at school. They flipped up my lunch tray.
:Jesus: Oh, that sucks. I wonder if that's the worst thing that ever happened to a guy. [takes out a Bible] Whoa. Whoa! Billy, this guy in the book here, he's really getting the business. Yikes! Okay, I'm sorry, what happened at school today?
:Billy: You're kind of a dick, dad.
:Jesus: Huh, I wonder if there's anyone in here, whose dad was a bigger dick. Wow, crazy!
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:Tricia: Alright, Peter. It's time to master the game of chess.
:Peter: Okay, that shouldn't be too hard.
:[Peter tries grabbing a chess piece and Tricia slaps him]
:Tricia: No! You will do it in the traditional Japanese way. On a wacky game show, while a beautiful woman beats your scrotum with a reed.
:[Cutaway to Peter on a game show, and getting beaten with a reed]
:Peter: Ow! I don't know which way the horse goes! [Peter gets hit again and a guy laughs at him] Aaah! Why is that guy laughing at me and where is he?
:[A buzzer goes off]
:Peter: There was a time limit? Nobody told me that!
:Japanese Guy: Time for Good Door Bad Door!
:Peter: Wait, how bad is the bad door?
:[Fast forward to many years later, Peter is an old amputee, talking to his son]
:Peter's Son: Grandpa-san, how bad was the bad door?
:Peter: Not too bad, but shorty afterwards, I was almost eaten alive by an escalator.
:[Buzzer goes off]
:Peter: The game is still going on?
:Japanese Guy: Oh, ho, ho. You lose chess.
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:[Stewie is teaching Brian how to drive]
:Stewie: IPDE, Brian, IPDE!
:Brian: What?
:Stewie: IPDE! Identify, predict, decide, execute. You've got to constantly be IPDEing everything in your target zone.
:Brian: I ... I ... I ... I don't know what you're saying.
:Stewie: IPDE! Identify, predict, ...
:Brian: Yeah, you said that but it doesn't mean any ...
:Stewie: IPDE THAT!
:Brian: Um, it's a child with a ball.
:Stewie: Very good, identify. Now predict.
:Brian: Predict what?
:Stewie: IPDE!
:Brian: You keep saying that like it's a word. Those four letters don't make a word. It's not helping me remember anything.
:Stewie: Oh, now you've got an oncoming vehicle. Pay attention to your four to six second zone.
:Brian: What? What is that? Four to six second?
:Stewie: IPDE the car. IPDE the car!
:Brian: What does that mean?
:Stewie: Now, check your gages with one eye, while keeping your other eye on the road.
:Brian: My eyes go in the same direction.
:Stewie: What's your tire pressure?
:Brian: I ... I can't ... I don't ... I'm in the car!
:Stewie: Stop! [Brian stops the car] Demerit!
:Brian: Stewie, I know how to drive. I've been driving for years!
:[Another guy drives by]
:Guy: Ever hear of IPDE, jackass!?
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:[Peter craps, orgasms, and barfs, while wearing a suit]
:Peter: Aw, crap. THis thing was a rental.
:[Cutaway to Peter rushing into the store, throwing the tux in there, and leaving in a hurry]
:Peter: Here's your tux back, bye!
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