| abstract
| - The film opens at the White House. The president, Baby Barack, is sitting at his desk. He presses a button, and some robots enter the room. ROBOT: Yes, sir. BABY BARACK: It's time. ROBOT: Yes, sir. The robots fly through the roof into the sky, and take off. BABY BARACK: I didn't want it to come to this... but I have no other choice. At Peach's castle, the Princess is sleeping. Suddenly, Toad bursts in and wakes her up. TOAD: WAH! WAH WAH WAH! WAH WAH WAAAAHHH! AY! PEACH: Dear God, no... READY THE TROOPS! TOAD: WAH! Toad runs out onto the balcony and sounds a loud horn. Tons of Toads run out of the castle to some fighter jets, and get in. The Toads take off in their jets, and head into battle against the fleet of robots. The Toads are shot down, and the robots land on top of the castle. ROBOT: The war begins! At the house, Wario and Waluigi are watching the news. NEWS REPORTER: ---and Rick Astley was arrested shortly after. Now, on the lighter side of things, it's Independence Day! WALUIGI: Oh, yeah, when are we gonna go get our illegal fireworks? WARIO: Never. WALUIGI: Why? WARIO: Remember what happened the LAST time! Bowser enters the room. BOWSER: Guys, I'm going to get illegal fireworks. WARIO: We can't, remember what happened LAST time?! BOWSER: No. WALUIGI: I'll go with you, Bowser. I know a great place for illegal fireworks! WARIO: Does anybody remember what happened last time? WALUIGI: No. WARIO: Okay, just making sure. That's the way I want it. At the illegal fireworks store, Waluigi and Bowser are looking around. WALUIGI: Which ones explode the most? BOWSER: I don't know. I can't read. WALUIGI: I'm sure that contradicts something, I'm just not sure what... Back in the Mushroom Kingdom, millions of gun-wielding Toads are fighting the robot hordes. The Toads are all dying. Peach and Toad (the Toad) watch from a distance, drinking wine. PEACH: Hm. What do you suppose they even want from us? TOAD: WAH! WAH WAH WAAAAAAAAH!!! PEACH: That makes sense. Almost too much sense... Back at Wario's house, Waluigi and Bowser enter the room. WALUIGI: We're back. BOWSER: Check out these fireworks we just g--- They discover Wario dead on the floor. BOWSER: ---ave to a homeless man and then took back. OH MY GOD! WALUIGI: Wario! Oh no! How did this happen? Wario walks in. WARIO: I dunno. WALUIGI: What? WARIO: That's a decoy body. I saw on the news that America's going to war against the Mushroom Kingdom. WALUIGI: Wait, which one do we live in again? WARIO: I don't know, but either way this can't be good news. When things go bad, I'm going to leave all these fake corpses of us behind so we can run off and hide out in my bunker. WALUIGI: What? WARIO: Okay, okay, it's not MY bunker... WALUIGI: No, the war! WARIO: Yeah. WALUIGI: Why? WARIO: I don't know. But in case it's because of something we did--- WALUIGI: I know, I know, the decoy bodies. BOWSER: Listen, why don't we just kidnap Peach and ask her? WARIO: Your solution's always kidnapping... BOWSER: Fine. FINE. Who cares? Not me. Bowser leaves the room, angry. WALUIGI: Okay. Let's go light these fireworks off now--- WARIO: No, we need to lay low for now! WALUIGI: Okay, fine, whatever... Back in the Mushroom Kingdom, Peach is in the castle's war room, with a council of Toads. PEACH: Look, we need a plan of attack! TOADS: WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH--- PEACH: No! No! Calm down! TOADS: WAH WAH WAH--- PEACH: What did you just call me? TOADS: WAH WAH WAH--- PEACH: Damn it, Jeremy, just shut up for once! Suddenly, the Kool-Aid Man bursts through the wall. KOOL-AID MAN: OH YEAH! PEACH: Oh, WHAT IS IT NOW?! The Kool-Aid Man grabs Peach, and runs off. PEACH: Help! TOADS: WAH WAH WAH--- PEACH: Why do I even bother... The Kool-Aid Man takes Peach into a cave, where a shadowy figure is waiting. SHADOWY FIGURE: Kool-Aid Man... excellent. The plan is coming to fruition! HA HA HA! PEACH: Bowser, what are you doing? SHADOWY FIGURE: Oh... I'm not Bowser. I'm... uh... Mouser. I, uh... throw bombs and stuff. PEACH: Bowser, I know it's you... Peach pulls out a lighter and lights it, creating light. She sees the shadowy figure is actually Mouser. PEACH: MOUSER? MOUSER: Told you so. Bowser runs in and punches out Mouser. BOWSER: Alright, sorry about that, I couldn't make it, I had to get Mouser to take my place. PEACH: What do you want, Bowser? BOWSER: I want to know what's causing this war. PEACH: I don't even know. BOWSER: What? PEACH: Well, Toad had a theory... BOWSER: What is it? PEACH: I don't know, I forgot already. Bowser sighs. At the house, Wario and Waluigi are on their laptops. WALUIGI: How much longer do we have to keep searching through this conspiracy crap? I already got enough viruses on here as it is, if I download another "top secret file" my computer's going to explode. WARIO: We can stop searching when we find out what's the cause of this war. Bowser and Peach enter the building. WALUIGI: Peach? PEACH: Hi, I guess. BOWSER: Listen, Peach doesn't know what's going on either, but I thin we can--- Suddenly, the robots attack the house. WARIO: Crap, Waluigi, what did you download? WALUIGI: DON'T BLAME THIS ON ME! ROBOT: Hand over the Princess or DIE. BOWSER: Um... let me think about that... uh... yeah... let's see... um... no. Bowser grabs Peach and runs out the door. WALUIGI: It's Bowser's fault! You see that? Ha! It's Bowser's fault, you guys! HA! I didn't do it this time! WARIO: I'm still pretty sure you caused this somehow. The robots shoot Wario and Waluigi with tranquilizers. WALUIGI: Ow! WARIO: Ugh... The two pass out and fall onto the ground. In a government warehouse, Wario wakes up. WARIO: What? Huh? Waluigi is still sleeping. WARIO: WAKE UP, YOU IDIOT! WALUIGI: [wakes up] Oh... uh... yeah. Hey, where are we? WARIO: I dunno. A bad place. Baby Barack approaches the two. BABY BARRACK: You two... you want to know what caused this? WARIO: No. WALUIGI: Yes, yes, YEAH we do. BABY BARRACK: Well... you see... it all started when WALUIGI downloaded some random internet virus--- WALUIGI: CRAP! BABY BARACK: ---which he THOUGHT was a pirated version of the NOTEBOOK! WARIO: What? WALUIGI: I... I thought it was... an action... WARIO: Yeah, right. BABY BARACK: Well, this is PIRATING! And it's WRONG! We discovered the site, FreeNotebookMovie.com, was run by an infamous pirate from the Mushroom Kingdom... WALUIGI: No... Captain Syrup? BABY BARACK: No, not like... a boat pirate. Like... a movie pirater... anyway it's Toad. WALUIGI: [gasps] NO! WARIO: Pffft, who cares. This is lame. I'm out. Wario gets up and walks away. WALUIGI: Proceed. BABY BARACK: We didn't know which Toad was the Toad, so we sent our robots to go and carry out a mass genocide of all the Toads in the Mushroom Kingdom. WALUIGI: Really? BABY BARACK: Yeah. WALUIGI: Wait, how did you know I downloaded the Notebook? BABY BARACK: Privacy is a myth, Waluigi. You're always being watched. ESPECIALLY you. WALUIGI: Oh. Okay... I'm going to... also... leave now. BABY BARACK: See you soon... really soon... Back at the house, Wario and Waluigi are watching the news. NEWS REPORTER: ---and so Rick Astley has escaped prison. The authorities are out to find him. In other news, America's robot army has successfully killed the Toad, an infamous pirate from the Mushroom Kingdom. Anyway, it turns out we don't have to kill all the Toads like the government originally planned to do. Hooray? WARIO: Well that was weird. WALUIGI: Let's go light off the illegal fireworks now. WARIO: Okay. THE END.
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