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| - It all started on August 30th, 2006. An anonymous user stepped into the website known as Memory Alpha and decided to start their own article without linking it to anything else. At 10:18 AM - Transphasic Chroniton Torpedoes was born. The effects of the Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo were ignored, despite the presence of a many Starfleet personnel in the area. However, the one officer by the name of Enzo Aquarius discovered the mystical weapon 31 minutes later, at 10:49 AM. Working under Starfleet's Secure Weaponry Security Establishment, he engaged in a top-secret conversation with various others in the establishment. This is a full transcript of the conversation released under Starfleet regulation 47-Alpha. Simply put, non-canon weapon. - Enzo Aquarius 14:50, 30 August 2006 (UTC) * Delete quick, fast and in a hurry. --From Andoria with Love 17:38, 30 August 2006 (UTC) * Delete -- Renegade54 17:56, 30 August 2006 (UTC) * Delete. ...wow... - AJ Halliwell 18:03, 30 August 2006 (UTC) * Delete, cause, um, yeah, it be bad. --OuroborosCobra talk 19:20, 30 August 2006 (UTC) Attempting to understand the weapon, a man by the name of Shran decided to take a number of the torpedoes for a test. Upon detonating 5 weapons, he determined: Five warheads can give you very bad gas. Due to this, Rigel VII was evacuated to Rigel III and several subspace rifts were detected in the area. Clean-up efforts continue as we speak. These subspace rifts travelled through space like currency. Upon reaching Earth, conflicts in the space-time continuum occured, mainly noted was this speech by Zefram Cochrane: Zefram Cochrane: Someone once said, "Someone once said, 'Don't try to be a great man, just be a man and let history make its own judgments.'" T'Pol: Rhetorical nonsense. Cochrane: Who said that?! To this date, this 'T'Pol' is unknown, though it is speculated it's Q in one of his many guises. (TCT: "True Death Hide Tapestry Deja-Encounter-less at the Greypid Who?...2") Unfortunately, despite Starfleet hiding the Transphasic Chroniton Torpedoes under Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado, news of the torpedoes was released by a mysterious man named 'Jack O'Neill'. A preservation area for the torpedoes is currently forming at Memory Alpha after Starfleet confirmed news that they would destroy the torpedoes secretly in the second Briar Patch. However, the sheer logic of this was greatly questioned, as some thought Pluto would be a more suitable planet on which to destroy them. Many Vulcans loudly proclaimed "I told you so" when the destruction of the transphasic chroniton torpedoes in Briar Patch #2 resulted in a temporal causality loop, causing everyone within the patch to repeatedly relive the hours leading up to the torpedoes' destruction. Many Vulcans loudly proclaimed "I told you so" when the destruction of the transphasic chroniton torpedoes in Briar Patch #2 resulted in a temporal causality loop, causing everyone within the patch to repeatedly relive the hours leading up to the torpedoes' destruction. Many Vulcans loudly proclaimed "I told you so" when the destruction of the transphasic chroniton torpedoes in Briar Patch #2 resulted in a temporal causality... Hey! Wait a minute!!! ((TCT: "Cause and Effect... Cause and Effect... Cause and Ah-f**k!...") When the causality loop was mended, the torpedoes were destroyed by the new CGI USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) under the command of Admiral Sh'ran on 2 September 2006 at 23:26 due to "high levels of bulls--t." The problems involving the Transphasic Chroniton Torpedoes created a stir throughout Starfleet, including an increase in vandalism and constant mentions of the phenomenon called 'Wikipedia'. This prompted Admiral Alan del Beccio to state the following to the Federation President, who had fire poor Shran for the initial incorrect disposal of the torpedo: Shran does what he does because he loves you, just as he loves all of God's children. Yet, like a spoiled child, you lash out at him out of spite because you have been led astray. For that I say: shame on you, dear sir, shame on you! With that said, Alan left Starfleet in his mad-state onboard the USS 'Insert Name Here' and set a course to Andor (or Andoria if you prefer that) joined the Andorian Imperial Guard, receiving the rank of General. Alan: Mmm....promo... Some months later, the aspect of the Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo was brought up in the Federation Council after discussion between Bp and Enzo Aquarius. The conversation was so short and demeaning that Aquarius stated to Bp: Your cranial capacity is quite far below that of the national average of those in the first grade of schooling! In which an argument ensued: Bp: and your mother dresses you funny. Aquarius: Atleast I have clothes! Bp: im not sure what you mean Aquarius: You know, your lack of clothing. Bp: No Aquarius: You would look good with a coat of pink paint. Bp: oh icic Aquarius: I'm glad you understand. Bp: come on, dont be so polite!! this is IRC. He ordered his Kukulkan starship to fire on da m00n yo with a Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo and destroyed Aquarius' Trellium-D-filled luxurious mansion. Aquarius' retaliated with his Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo stash, destroying Bp's orbital Pizza Hut. Both gentlemen shook hands, signing a truce and they disposed of their torpedoes by detonating them in Shran's backyard. (TCT: "The Explosions") In retaliation for this act, Shran utilized something called Transphasic Chroniton Phase Inducing Whatchamacallit to upload an old Earth film called Star Trek: First Contact into bp's brain (or lack thereof), forcing bp to view the entire movie every fourteen hours for the rest of his natural life. Shran then tossed up a Transphasic Chroniton Shield Generation Somethingorother around Enzo and forced him to watch Cobra and himself take turns touching a dead female augment. (TCT: "These Are the Voyeurs") However, with their destruction in Shran's backyard, the last of the Transphasic Chroniton Torpedoes had finally been destroyed. However, Bp's extensive use of the word however, however created a rip in the however continuum, which, however, created a new batch of Transphasic Chroniton Torpedoes. However, the Federation Council decided, however, not to do anything about it, and, however, permitted their use on Shran's ship. However, he didn't want to use it for evil, however, used it for good, donating it to the Bajoran War Orphans Fund. However, they used them to kill off a bunch of Cardassians passing by, however, nobody cared. (TCT: "However Tense") A couple of weeks later, Worf, son of Mogh, of the Klingon House of Martok, of the Human family Rozhenko, mate to K'Ehleyr, father to Alexander Rozhenko, and husband to Jadzia Dax, Starfleet officer and soldier of the Empire, bane of the House of Duras and slayer of Gowron decided to take his shot at using Transphasic Chroniton Torpedoes. OuroborosCobra supported his actions, but Defiant considered it as a 'joke', thus throwing Worf, son of Mogh, of the Klingon House of Martok, of the Human family Rozhenko, mate to K'Ehleyr, father to Alexander Rozhenko, and husband to Jadzia Dax, Starfleet officer and soldier of the Empire, bane of the House of Duras and slayer of Gowron into the Brig for 47 days and 47 nights. Shortly thereafter, Shran hired a man by the name of Siddig El Tahir El Fadil El Siddig Abderahman Mohammed Ahmed Abdel Karim El Mahdi (a suspected code name) to break Worf, son of Mogh, of the Klingon House of Martok, of the Human family Rozhenko, mate to K'Ehleyr, father to Alexander Rozhenko, and husband to Jadzia Dax, Starfleet officer and soldier of the Empire, bane of the House of Duras and slayer of Gowron out of the brig. Using the alias Alexander Siddig, Siddig El Tahir El Fadil El Siddig Abderahman Mohammed Ahmed Abdel Karim El Mahdi was able to infiltrate the station in which Worf, son of Mogh, of the Klingon House of Martok, of the Human family Rozhenko, mate to K'Ehleyr, father to Alexander Rozhenko, and husband to Jadzia Dax, Starfleet officer and soldier of the Empire, bane of the House of Duras and slayer of Gowron was being held. Although he was successful in helping Worf, son of Mogh, of the Klingon House of Martok, of the Human family Rozhenko, mate to K'Ehleyr, father to Alexander Rozhenko, and husband to Jadzia Dax, Starfleet officer and soldier of the Empire, bane of the House of Duras and slayer of Gowron escape from the brig, Siddig El Tahir El Fadil El Siddig Abderahman Mohammed Ahmed Abdel Karim El Mahdi betrayed both Shran and Worf, son of Mogh, of the Klingon House of Martok, of the Human family Rozhenko, mate to K'Ehleyr, father to Alexander Rozhenko, and husband to Jadzia Dax, Starfleet officer and soldier of the Empire, bane of the House of Duras and slayer of Gowron by stealing the Transphasic Chroniton Torpedoes and using them to give himself a larger role on 24. In the process, he transformed Worf, son of Mogh, of the Klingon House of Martok, of the Human family Rozhenko, mate to K'Ehleyr, father to Alexander Rozhenko, and husband to Jadzia Dax, Starfleet officer and soldier of the Empire, bane of the House of Duras and slayer of Gowron into a merry man by shortening his name to Worf, son of Mogh, although Worf, himself, continues to protest being a merry man, although it's obvious that he's the gayest Klingon in the Milky Way Galaxy. Worf: "If you were any other man, I would kill you where you... you know what, screw it." Worf, son of Mogh, subsequently broke Shran's neck (making Worf an even merrier man -- shhh!). Fortunately for Shran, there were many clones in waiting and Shran 2 was activated soon after. (TCT: "Strange Badfellows") Sometime later, WTRiker discovered what he believed to be a manual on how to manually construct a Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo warhead. He then attempted to post information from this manual's book jacket on subspace. The message was as fallows: From the book jacket: It blows you up... and it gives you gas!!! Now, for the first time, you can learn how to make the most deadly, the most fowl, the most sickening weapon of all time! From the most basic to the most secret ingredient, it's all here, in the palm of your hands or any other appendage that may apply! Upon reading such a summary as was described above, the Sick Lord Enzo Aquarius informed his young Padawank Ouroboros Cobra of the imminent destruction that would result from such information and Cobra subsequently used the dreaded Annoyingly Hypersensitive Copyright Replacement and Amplification Program (AHCRAP) to remove the summary from existence. The Jedeye K-nig-ht Shran, however, saw the error of the Sick Lord's ways and used his IDFTS ("I Don't F***ing Think So") Program to restore the summary. Both Enzo and Cobra yielded after learning from Shran that the summary was not from a book on creating Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo warheads, but was rather a recipe for schplict. (TCT: "Leaning on the Edge") Tim, obsessed over his admiralitive capabilities, decided to unleash a huge load of Transphasic Chroniton Torpedoes on the lowly inhabitants of Memory Alpha, on behalf of Bp. Alan, catching him in the act fined him 20 IRC points and wrote the following in his log:
* (Block log); 23:18 . . Gvsualan (Talk | contribs) (blocked "User:Tim Thomason" with an expiry time of 30 seconds: being annoying) Upon his 30 second ban and his fine, Tim launched a torpedo at Alan, which missed and hit Shran's Ferrari. (TCT: "S**t Happens") After some time, the amount of reports of Transphasic Chroniton Torpedoes around Earth became monsterous, prompting a state of emergency by Starfleet Security. According to reports from their spokesman, Admiral Ouroboros Cobra, the torpedoes were "EVERYWHERE!!!!!!", followed by "First I knew about was looking in RC [Recent Changes], I had no part in the conspiracy, [I] shall rule the world with a magnetic fist, that is all." Many were dumbfounded by these comments, even the Admiral himself, but nonetheless, Starfleet Security began collecting all the torpedoes by order of Fleet Admiral Thy'lek Shran, with Cobra being forced to clean the plasma lines of Starfleet Sewage, which allowed him to perform: "Cobra|AFK poos".(TCT: "Recopregenitorizationingor") Thus, the journey began to rid of the Transphasic Chroniton Torpedoes on Earth... Shran: ...Oh screw this, I just wanted to find a McDonalds, let's just let the people bomb themselves. Cobra: Whatever, I'm so drunk right now I could care less, now let me drive. Shran: For the last time, no, now find me the map. Cobra: ...map? Shran: ... And thus started Shran and Cobra: The Voyage Home. Having made 5 wrong turns, tensions rose and the 'Voyage' turned into a brawl. Shran turned onto the side of the road, leaving his car and tried to pull Cobra out of his seat. Cobra, 'flipping the bird', remained still as Shran continuously threw his golf bag at the door (he lost his golf clubs in a golf course pond), then many balls of snow, with no luck of penetrating the door. A cop, noticing the actions, stopped Shran and made him continue to drive home, in which he noticed that the Cobra's door was open the whole time. He pulled over again, exited the car and proceeded to beat him up again. During that time, Cobra locked the doors and took 'the helm', leaving Shran in the cold Rocky Mountains, with only his golf bag, 2 matches and a Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo. Revenge is, indeed, a dish best served cold. (TCT: "The Hidden and Illegal Rules of Engagement") While in the cold, Shran was able to use the Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo as a calculator (No, it is not running on Windows, thank goodness). During this time, Shran was able to calculate a means of returning to Starfleet HQ via a mathematical equation. Shran couldn't think of the funding statistics for the administrators off the top of his head (though he knew it was in the low hundreds, if not tens, of dollars), plus, with his inability to access the Recent Changes, he needed to reformulate his plan, that, and the fact he absolutely sucks at math... Thus, Shran hitchhiked for a US Air Force aircraft, hitched his Transphasic Chroniton torpedo in the craft (along with his precious golf club bag) and set a course for Cobra's house. Upon arrival, he attempted to launch the torpedo, finding that it would only launch if he pushed it...in which he launched with it, destroying both himself, Cobra, his precious golf club bag, and his stolen Ferrari. Crime scene investigators only found an strange blue middle finger, a quarter and a piece of leather from a '1965 Nike Golf Bag', with a signature by Tiger Woods. When Shran the Third awoke, it was his new quest to get back that piece of leather, but first he needed yet ANOTHER Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo, but with all of them being removed from Earth, where would he go? (TCT: "The Ever-Eternal Wrath of Shran") Attempting to get back his golf bag, Shran noticed Cobra 2 being prepared for The Awakening. He also noticed a note by Cobra the First that stated. This History Of OuroborosCobra by OuroborosCobra The history of OuroborosCobra by OurosboroCobra is a very intriguing history indeed, as I, OuroborosCobra the First have made many different contributions in my past. OuroborosCobra could best be summed up as the man who whooped a** in the War of the Transphasic Chroniton Torpedoes III.V, in which OuroborosCobra absolutely destroyed the local Pizza Hut joint with OuroborosCobra's own Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo. Shran complained, but OuroborosCobra, that's right, OuroborosCobra, that's me, the man who wrote this on February 11, 2007, just e-mail me at CobraMan47TCT@MemoryAlpha.org, I look at it every 5 minutes so I, OuroborosCobra, can prove this is my own written work. Nonetheless, I, OuroborosCobra, talked to Enzo Aquarius the other day in regards to owning my own Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo company and...it went quite well. That's right Shran, EAT THAT! Anyways, what was I saying... Shran, after reading that, realised that he saw it on the local Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo forums by an anonymous user. He thus, charged Cobra the 2nd a fine for copyright infringement. Cobra shrugged and threw away the ticket. (TCT: "Copyright Infringement - The Sequel") Shran decided he wanted to start a new journey, this time to determine the secret ingredient in the Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo's warhead. While walking along some backroad, he came upon a man named Lannik Racto. Despite asking Racto for help, all the man (wearing a weird robe with a lighty stick) said was 'hey'. Shran got peeved off and shoved a transphasic chroniton torpedo down the Jedi's throat. (TCT: "The Jedi Order") Continuing down the road, Shran came upon Alan again. Both of which found a man putting graffiti on a Reman statue. At the same time, they both fired Transphasic Chroniton Torpedoes. Unknowing to them, Cobra also fired a torpedo. 1.
* (Deletion log); 15:25 . . Gvsualan (Talk | contribs) (deleted "Talk:Unnamed Remans": content was: '{{delete}}==Reman Viceroy==It's interesting to note that, as with his role in "Beauty and the Beast", Ron Perlman actually needed no prosthetic ma...') 2.
* (Deletion log); 15:25 . . Shran (Talk | contribs) (deleted "Talk:Unnamed Remans": Talk pages are for discussing the content of the article only, not for commenting on peoples' looks) 3.
* (diff) (hist) . . Memory Alpha:Pages for immediate deletion; 15:24 . . OuroborosCobra (Talk | contribs) (Talk:Unnamed Remans) Such an action created a rip in the space-time continuum, and caused a great amount of gas that smelled even worse than Sulfur. (TCT: "Unending Image Upload Sequence 74-Alpha") Of course, the rip from the transphasic chroniton torpedoes revealed something of Bp and Cid.
* he [Cid] has a highligher on 'gay pr0n' when i say it apparently.
* :)
* Hot Sweaty Sex
* bp0 [i=opera@xxx.sex.com] has joined #memory-alpha The thing is, Bp will never know, and he'll probably fire a Transphasic Chroniton Torpedo everytime he sees Enzo Aquarius. Upon reading this, Shran shrugged and continued to read the latest issue of Playboy that he had (circa 1977). (TCT: "Bp's Skin Fetish") One day, on his journey, Shran discovered a spacestation that held transphasic chroniton torpedoes. According to information he acquired, the station had "5,469 Phaser Arrays and 5,467 Photon Torpedoes. [and] It is a Federation Spacestation that is capable of holding off over 56,000 Thoilian Cruisers." Shran continued to walk on, laughing at the fact that Federation linguists would spell Tholian wrong. Unfortunately, the effects of the TCT had some negative effects on Memory Alpha, causing various paradoxes and time distortions. Such an example includes:
* (diff) (hist) . . N Klaus Janson; 10:28 . . (+444) . . Enzo Aquarius (Talk | contribs) (Article creation)
* (diff) (hist) . . m Klaus Janson; 10:28 . . (0) . . Enzo Aquarius (Talk | contribs) (Whoops) Continuing with his walk, Shran started to contemplate his 'manliness'. In doing so, he put together a list of things he had done to prove that he was truely 'man' to the TCT.
* Shran has eats that burger that the guys sing about in those [Burger King] commercials.
* Shran has messes with Sasquatch.
* Shran has watched five times in a row, followed by (The VOY episode and the series), then had two large pizzas and watched a football game, drank beer, and got laid, then got a tattoo saying "MAN" on his forehead.
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