| abstract
| - Sidekicks are additional fighters that a player can control and fight with. Sidekicks are owned account-wide and can be used by any of the account's characters on the same sever.
- Sidekicks are a purchasable AI that can be used in Uncharted 4: A Thief's End multiplayer.
- The Sidekicks are miniature versions of Skylanders who appear in the Skylanders series. When activated in Skylanders: Spyro's Adventure, they follow the Skylanders around. In Skylanders: Trap Team, the Sidekicks become Minis, now playable and capable of performing their own attacks.
- Sidekicks are unlocked as you play. Some are unlocked after defeating a certain boss or clearing a stage. Others are hired in the Monkey Training Centre, one of the many shops. (I'll create a page for shops soon.) They behave in a similar manner to Parallel Universe Monkey from BSM2, except that they have different powers than you do.
- The series follows the life of Dream Girl, the disgruntled yet starstruck sidekick of the famous hero Darkslug, as she goes through her days striving to become a full hero of her own right.
- There are a million reasons you might want to have a small child with you while you're fighting crime. Maybe it's the conversation... maybe you need something to throw to distract a monster... or maybe that's just your thing. Now, we all know the little fanboys like to pretend they could run around with Batman. It's part of what makes the business go 'round. And when you put a whole bunch of these kids together, they can sometimes actually do stuff. The Joker just loves putting the crowbar to these tykes.
- The Sidekicks are a crime fighting superhero team led by Willy the Penguin. The name derives from the members, who were all "low rate" superheroes, or just plain old sidekicks.
- A sidekick is the partner of a hero. Some examples are Robin(Batman), Ooklah the Mok(Thundarr the Barbarian), and Toto(Dorothy).
- NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it, so you don't have to! What can you say about Chuck Norris? [pauses] Me? Nothing! The guy leaves no impression on me, he's like a hairy Steven Seagal. NC (voiceover): But thanks to ChuckNorrisFacts.com apparently a lot of people have things to say about him, like "Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.", "Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people." and "There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard, there is only another fist." NC: Yes, Chuck Norris is the first person to literally turn himself into a human catchphrase. But how can you not when you star in such self-indulgent horse vomit like Sidekicks? Footage of Sidekicks starts NC (voiceover): This is the first to openly acknowledge that Chuck Norris is not only better than God, but in fact is... a lot better than God. He's like God, sex and kung fu put in a blender to create undiluted manliness [a cheap animation of this is shown]. NC (with girlish voice, sarcastically): But why is Chuck Norris that AWESOME?! [continues in normal voice] Well, if you don't know the answer by the time you're done watching this movie, [leaning into the camera] then you don't know Chuck! [a picture of Chuck Norris in front of a giant explosion is shown, after that NC continues in his normal voice] Let's get kicking! Footage of Sidekicks NC (voiceover): So we see some sort of Asian setting where some poor damsel in distress is about to be cut to ribbon by a guy wearing a mask of Doc Brown. [split screen showing the man in the mask and Christopher Lloyd from Back to the Future] But who should be there but the always unstoppable... [someone disguised in white bandages is visible] Michelin Man! [the Michelin Man is shown where the person is standing] No, it's Chuck Norris, the undeniable king of slow-mo fighting! NC (wimpy voice): You wouldn't be so tough if you fight in regular motion! [More of the fighting scene is shown] You know they say that Chuck Norris can eat a hamburger and take a gunshot blast while standing? More of the fighting scene is shown. NC (voiceover): And who's here to help our acrobatic marshmallow man but... The second white fighter pulls down his mask, it's a teenager. NC (shrugging): ...that kid from Sea Quest! NC (voiceover): So they join forces to stop the easily defeatable stuntmen. [Chuck Norris and the teenager kick around them, not really hitting anyone] You know, that only works if you hit someone, guys... I especially love this one ninja who I think was late on his mark. [a ninja is kicked in the face and falls very delayed] [NC as the ninja] Oh, I guess I should fall... [normal voiceover] So this epic battle of awesomeness simply has to be too good to be true! [pauses] And... Yeah, it is... [cut in the movie to the teenage boy in school] It turns out it was just a fantasy in a kid's head. And it happened quite often. The kid's name is Barry, an asthmatic who often catches himself daydreaming... [a girl walks into the picture] ...WINNIE! NC (excited): Heeeeyyy, it's Winnie from The Wonder Years! The quiet, gentle bookworm who's always in an on-again/off-again relationship. I wonder who she's playing here! [Winnie is shown with the transcript of what NC says next to her] A quiet, gentle bookworm who's always in an on-again/off-again relationship. [pauses] Awesome! NC (voiceover): So his teacher, named Ms. Chan, is most concerned about his constant daydreaming in class. Ms. Chan: You've got to understand, there's a time and a place for dreams, but it's not in the classroom. NC (firmly): The classroom is where dreams go to die - Get it right! NC (voiceover): His father, played by Beau Bridges... [a picture of Jeff Bridges is shown] Er... No. [a picture of Lloyd Bridges is shown] No. [a picture of Todd Bridges is shown] Really, no. [a picture of Beau Bridges is shown] There he is! ...comes in to talk with Barry's teacher. Barry's father: He's... uh... He's just never been a physical kid. There's nothing wrong with that. Einstein... erm... Gandhi, Gershwin, there's nothing wrong with these people. My son has asthma. NC: And therefore can achieve nothing. You know who else has asthma? [leaning into the camera] Chuck Norris! A picture of Chuck Norris in front of an American flag and fireworks is shown. A high-pitched voice yells, accompanied by organ music "CHUCKNORRIIIIIIIIIIS!". Barry's father: He says they're sidekicks. That they...er... do things together. Ms. Chan: Do you ever try? Barry's father: What? Ms. Chan: Being his sidekick. Barry's father (chuckling): I don't think I have a chance against Chuck... NC (dumbly): I mean, did you know that he's the only man who defeated a brick wall in a game of tennis? NC (voiceover): So the decide Barry needs an outlet for his daydreaming, thus they decide to give him karate lessons, taught by a quite fascinatingly unfunny Joe Piscapo. Stone (Joe Piscapo): HEY! YOU! Barry's father (hesitantly): M-me? Stone: YEEEEAAAAAH... You. WE DON'T WEAR SHOES ON THE MAT HERE, MISTER. NC (imitating Stone): Forgive me... I haven't decided if this role's supposed to be funny yet. Barry (admiring Stone's trophies): You must be pretty good to win all this stuff. Stone: Well... I don't like to brag... Barry: Yeah, I bet you're almost as good as...um... Chuck Norris. Stone (with clenched teeth): Chuck...Norris...? NC (imitating Stone's over-the-top voice mimic): Chuck...Norris...?! [continues in normal voice] You know they say that police label anyone who goes up against Chuck Norris as a suicide? Barry: Karate is a sport of discipline and restraint and style. One that builds respect. Stone: You believe in the Easter Bunny, too, kid? Barry (NC voiceover): I don't know, I have to ask Chuck Norris. NC (voiceover): So he sits at home watching - What else? - Chuck Norris movies! As he fantasizes AGAIN about being his sidekick. This time the villain is played by Joe Piscapo and we find out that the damsel is and always has been Ms. Chan. NC (uncomfortably): I don't think this is so much dreaming about Chuck as it is dreaming about fantasizing about his teacher. NC (voiceover): I mean, is she always the person being trussed up and rescued? Isn't that a little...um... creepy? And what exactly happens after you save her? Does she give you a "Thank you" and a happy ending? NC: Well, I think the answer is obvious. [leaning into the camera] He gives her to Chuck Norris! A picture of Chuck Norris in front of an American flag and fireworks is shown. A high-pitched voice yells, accompanied by organ music "CHUCKNORRIIIIIIIIIIS!". NC (voiceover): So Piscapo lights a fuse that's going to blow her up, when suddenly Norris rises out of the water and SHOOTS THE FIRE AWAY! HOW THE HELL CAN YOU SHOOT FIRE AWAY?! NC (imitating Barry): Cut, cut, cut! My dream sucks! Let's try again and this time get it right! NC (voiceover): So we see his teacher talking to another teacher about why she's giving such a helping hand to young Barry. Teacher: Trouble with one of the urgents? Perhaps I can be of assistance. Ms. Chan: Barry Gabrewski. Teacher: Oh, but he's...um... Ms. Chan: He's what? Teacher: Er, well, h-he's... slow a-and...er... impaired... Hopeless! Hopeless! That kid is hopeless! NC: Because that's the motto of any good school: You're hopeless. Just give up and throw your books in the garbage. NC (voiceover): So Barry sits in school trying to study, when suddenly... [Chuck Norris arrives] Huh... Really? We're not even gonna wait five minutes for another Chuck Norris wet dream? Chuck Norris' lips move in slow motion, as if he's shouting something at Barry. NC (baffled): Wow, he even talks in slow motion! Ms. Chan: Barry! What may I ask was that all about! Barry: I-I... I was...uh...working on a charlie horse. NC (voiceover): Okay, this kid has a mental illness! This isn't charming, this is horrifyingly scary! Check him into a mental hospital! Ms. Chan: There's someone I want you and your dad to meet. If he likes you, maybe he'll be the one to teach you martial arts. NC (sarcastically): 'Cause THAT'S the best thing to do: Teach a schizophrenic how to fight people! That's like having Hannibal taking a cooking class! [a photoshopped Hannibal Lecter is cooking with a little girl] NC (voiceover): So it turns out the person is Ms. Chan's uncle, played by Mako. Mako?! NC (very fast): You mean that guy I made fun of in the TMNT review and got horribly ridiculed for it? [continues nervously] Well, I'm...uh... sure there'll be nothing wrong with his character in this movie... In fact, I'm sure that it will be absolutely delightful. With no flaws at all. NC (voiceover): So we see her uncle named Mr. Lee as he teaches one insensitive guy a little something about manners. Man in waiting line (angrily): Tell that chink to douse that cigar! This is a public area, he's not supposed to be smoking that in here! Mr. Lee: Would you mind telling me which particular "chink" you're referring to? Man in waiting line: The geezer in front of you, Charlie! NC (imitating the man in the line): And can you speed it up? I got a Klansman meeting to get to! Man in waiting line (sniffing): Smoke. [smoke comes out of his pocket] Smoking. I'm smoking? [He starts patting his pocket.] I'm smoking! I'm smoking! NC (smiling): Wow, that's... impressively bad acting! I mean, you have to try in order to be that horrible! NC (voiceover): How do you think he'd react if he got shot? [a gunshot is heard] NC (imitating the man in the line, patting himself everywhere): Gunshot? Gunshot? Gunshot?! I've been gunshot! R2-D2, where are you? NC (voiceover): So when he's not setting people on fire Mr. Lee runs a Chinese restaurant, where Barry and his father plant to meet with him... [Ms. Chan and Barry's father are shown sitting at a table, alone] Um... Wait, what just happened? Ms. Chan: He really likes you. He's very impressed with your work with computers. NC: You skipped over the meal they had together? Why?! [pauses] Did Chuck Norris not like it?! Ms. Chan: That's how we teach children to use chopsticks. Did you notice my uncle's stopped using his halfway through the meal? NC: No! Because you didn't show it! [makes a sound and gesture along the lines of "Duh!"] Ms. Chan: Dear uncle... poet and a charmer. Teacher and philosopher. NC: And... [pauses] ...random dough tosser. Barry: I'm sorry, I wasn't ready. Mr. Lee: That is the entire point of this exercise! And what will be your fighting name? Um... Barry...the Leopard. Barry the Tiger! NC (imitating Mr. Lee): Or how about Barry the Asthmatic At? Yeah, that's good! Mr. Lee (gesturing wildly and exaggeratedly): Misteeeeeeeer Dumpling! Mr. Dumpling never attacks by smashing the fist of his opponent with his own face. NC: I'm sure there's a lot of people who can probably make fun of this scene. But not me! No, no, I'm just so... blown away by the charm of Mako. NC (voiceover): So while Mr. Lee trains/makes fun of him, Chan and Barry's father continue to chat. Barry's father: You sure Barry's gonna be okay with your uncle? Barry (NC voiceover): Stop throwing dough at me! Mr. Lee (NC voiceover): Next, we throw bottles! NC (voiceover): Chan comes to check how things are going in the back as Barry's father amuses... bikers. What? Where the hell did they come from?! Barry's father: That's a funny name... NC (loudly): Show stuff! Transitions are your friend! NC (voiceover): So I guess bikers come in and start causing trouble while Mr. Lee figures out a fool-proof plan to get rid of them. Mr. Lee (carrying a tray, dumbly): Oyo... [He crashes into the bikers and hurts some of them in different ways. He turns to one of the unhurt ones.] You all right? [The biker nods and says "Uh-huh". Mr. Lee punches him in the face.] NC: Wow, they actually had a guy who went "Uh-huh". I didn't know they still had those in movies. The "Uh-huh" biker is shown, lying in his food. "Uh-huh" biker (NC voiceover): This is really good. Mr. Lee: These gentlemen only saw what I appeared to be. Lesson number two: Believe what is, not what you think. [NC voiceover] For example: I'm an Academy Award nominated actor and I'm playing a doofus who throws dough at people. Live and learn. NC (voiceover): So he tells Barry that he has to walk to school for a week and then run the next week after. Yeah, that's a great thing to teach an asthmatic person! On his way there, he starts up conversation with Winnie. I'm sure her character has a different name but fuck it, you're just gonna call her Winnie anyway. Winnie: Barry! Are you sure you don't want a ride? Barry: Uh... No, that's okay, I wanna get my heart rate up a little higher. NC (voiceover): Well, I have to give this movie credit. It's gone a whole 15 minutes without a Chuck Norris appearance. That's gotta be a new record for this film... [a new daydream has started] Oh! Spoke too soon! Stone (as a western outlaw): Well, well, well... If it isn't the two big, bad wolves... Bartender: What'll you have? Barry: Milk. NC: Oh, I'm sorry, Mike's HARD Milk. Chuck Norris: Bartender, make mine milk, too. NC (pointing threateningly at the camera): Milk is now officially known as Chuck Norris Messiah Juice! [leaning into the camera] Anything else we can do for you, sire? NC (voiceover): By the way, did you notice that the milk glasses are there when they come in... [an arrow points the goof out] ...and then suddenly disappear when they order? [an arrow points the goof out] NC: You may think this is a hole in the movie, but it's not. [seriously] Chuck Norris is actually so intimidating that the milk pre-ordered itself in preparation for his arrival and then went back under because they thought they'd be presumptuous. [leaning into the camera] Such is the way of Norris! A picture of Chuck Norris in front of an American flag and fireworks is shown. A high-pitched voice yells, accompanied by organ music "CHUCKNORRIIIIIIIIIIS!". Stone (as a western outlaw): Hey you! Gimme a kiss! Ms. Chan (as a western damsel): Let go of me! NC (voiceover): I love how in reality the teacher is a strong, independent woman, but to the teenage brain she's reduced down to the lowest common denominator. I guess nothing's really PC in this kid's head, is it? Stone (as a western outlaw): I can take you, little wolf. NC (voiceover): So they stand there tickling their guns when Barry beats him to the draw and then slaps him. Then he beats him to the draw and slaps him. The he beats him to the draw ans slaps him... Is this movie stuck on "Repeat"? Someone get me the fuck out of this! [Barry is brought back to reality by a slap on the head.] Thank you! Gym teacher (yelling very loudly): WAAAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP! NC: Ah! Gym teacher: HOW DARE YOU FALL ASLEEP IN MY CLASS?! GET UP, BOY! NC (leaning away from the camera): Please go away, strange, wide-angled lens man. Gym teacher: It's been a while since your last physical evaluation, lady. Start climbing! Come on, Gabrewski, what are you, a man or... Marvin Milktoast? NC (voiceover): What IS this place? Douchebag High? What kind of teachers talk like this?! You'd get your ass fired if you talked like that! Winnie: You can do it, Barry! NC (imitating the gym teacher): There will be no encouragement in this classroom, that's what private schools are for! NC (voiceover): So, just when it seems like all hope is lost and nobody can help him out, guess who happens to appear? Chuck Norris (from the rope next to Barry): Hey, Barry! I'll race you to the top. NC (imitating Barry, calmly): Oh, hi Chuck! [takes a second look and screams loudly] NC (voiceover): So Barry literally talks to his imaginary Chuck Norris while everybody looks at him like he's crazy. Why? BECAUSE HE IS CRAZY! Chuck Norris: Pull! That's it, use your legs. That's it! Good! There you go! NC (leaning into the camera): You know they say that Chuck Norris is so powerful that just thinking about him increases your physical strength? Gym teacher: Well, I'll be. Barry reaches the top of the rope. The class applauds. The "CHUCKNORRIIIIIIIIIIS!" chant is played and the text "This moment brought to you by the MIRACLE of Chuck Norris" is shown. NC (voiceover): So we see Barry walk home with Winnie as he eventually confesses that he's into her. And proposes to go out on a date. Barry: If I like you and...erm...you like me, why don't we...er...go out? Winnie: Go out? Barry: Yeah. Winnie: I like you, but... just... not like that... I worry about you! Barry: You pity me! Winnie: I do not! I don't! Barry (almost crying): I get it, okay? Winnie: Barry! [Barry runs away.] Please! NC: So she's giving him mixed signals while she herself doesn't know how to feel? This IS The Wonder Years! Barry is running away from Winnie, music from The Wonder Years is playing. NC (voiceover, imitating Barry): I knew then that Winnie would never accept me. So I ran home like a wailing pussy hoping that my Chuck Norris porn would give me some comfort. [normal voiceover] So he starts to breathe faster and faster. He has - here's a shocker - ANOTHER fantasy about Chuck Norris. Only this time, he's getting tortured. The evidence is really piling up. Chuck Norris: Just hang on! Stone (as a Nazi officer): Filthy schwein! NC (acting like he is hanging from a wall): Next you want to hook up my nipples to a car battery, don't you? Don't you? Chuck Norris: Hang on, Barry! Barry: I-I c-can't! God... Chuck Norris: Hang on! NC (with girlish voice, sarcastically): But how can chains hold the mighty Chuck Norris? They must be made out of the scales of a silver dragon! NC (voiceover): When Barry wakes up he finds himself in a hospital, as Ms. Chan and Mr. Lee come to visit. Yeah, apparently, running to school wasn't such a hot idea, big shot! Barry (whispering): Mr. Lee... Mr. Lee: Yes. I have something for you. [He leans over Barry and starts taking off his hospital gown.] We take this off... Mr. Lee (voiceover): ...only for a few minutes... NC (uncomfortably): I'm sure this is a perfectly normal thing for Mako to do! After all, it's not like he's rubbing him in an inappropriate way... Mr. Lee (rubbing something on Barry's chest): This will help you. NC (uncomfortably, wringing his hands): Must...resist...joke... Must...resist...joke...! Mr. Lee: There... Noooow rest. NC (respiring): Whew... [with a forced smile] Mako's a sweetheart. NC (voiceover): So after Mr. Lee's rubdown, Barry gets back in the game and continues to train. [a montage of the training starts] Oh, good! Nunchucks! I wonder how long it's gonna take before they do the hit-the-crotch-ga... [Barry hits his crotch with the Nunchuck.] ...Yeah... didn't take them long. So Barry goes back to gym as one of the school bullies gets in a fight with him. But this time... [deep voice] ...Barry is ready! [Barry beats the bully in a fight.] Where are the teachers during all this?! Ah, hell, knowing this school they're probably there cheering them on. Gym teacher: What is going on here?! Winnie (coming over to Barry): I can't believe that was you! What are you doing this weekend? Barry: I'm going to the zoo. Winnie: Can I come with you? Barry: Yeah. NC: So the moral of the story is "Violence gets you chicks"? You know, every guy thought that but we didn't think it was actually true! NC (voiceover): Gee, it's been a while... Where's that disgustingly unnecessary Chuck Norris cameo? [Another daydream starts.] There it is! For a second there I thought you're actually gonna try and have a plot! Yeah, got the teacher in trouble again and of course Chuck Norris is there by his side. This time they're stopping the evil Piscapo from putting razor blades in bubblegum and dynamite into piñatas! [pauses] This kid needs to get laid... Stone (as a gangster) is still conducting. The text "WTF?" is laid over the picture. The conducting continues. NC: I take it back. This whole MOVIE needs to get laid! Stone (as a gangster): Well, our hero... GET HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMM! NC (imitating Stone): I'm actiiiiiiiiiiiiiinggggg! NC: You know Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter pilot just by holding up his finger and shouting "Bang!"? NC (voiceover): So he goes to rescue the teacher which now seems to be the Winnie girl! Thank God! At least he's having implausible fantasies about girls his own age. Chuck Norris: What's going on? Where's Noreen? Barry (shrugging): Hey, this is my dream! Chuck Norris (NC voiceover): Noooo, but I can't tap that, I'll get arrested! NC (voiceover): But in real life the action is just beginning, as the bully, who seems to be a student of the Piscaputz, wants revenge on Barry. So he challenges him to a karate tournament to see who's the best of the best. NC: So let's see if I got this straight: [voiceover (clips from the movie are shown)] An unpopular kids gets beat up by the student of an aggressive karate teacher, so he starts training with a quirky Asian man who helps him prepare for a martial arts tournament? [clips stop, NC pretends to think about the circumstances] There's another movie like that... I think...er...it had something to do with...uh...karate...a-and a kid...karate...kid... I believe it was called... Cheech and Chong Go Up in Smoke. NC (voiceover): But Barry doesn't think he's ready to compete, so his teacher gives him some words of wisdom. Mr. Lee: Look at the tortoise there, Barry. Tortoise is very clumsy and not musical at all. But it has been said, and I believe it, when a dream becomes true, when the impossible is accomplished and lies behind you, on that day, the turtles will dance. NC (grumpliy): Oh yeah? Have you seen this? NC (voiceover): But how are Barry and Lee going to get ready for the tournament in such little time? NC: This looks like a job for... an 80's montage! NC (voiceover): So they get to the tournament where they need a group in order to enter. So Ms. Chan and Mr. Lee enter as well, but they're still short one member. Who could they possibly get? Chuck Norris enters the hall and the "CHUCKNORRIIIIIIIIIIS!" chant is played. NC (in sarcastic disbelief, leaning into the camera): Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...??? NC (voiceover, sarcastically cheerful): Yes, Chuck Norris enters the tournament, after Ms. Chan has a heartfelt talk with him that of course we never see. NC (leaning into the camera): You know they say that every time Chuck Norris says "Yes" the devil pisses himself? NC: But gee, how will Barry take the news that the hero who's been causing his mental illness is actually gonna be fighting side by side along with him? Barry stares at Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris: Hi, I'm Chuck Norris. NC: Oooooh... Better than I thought. NC (voiceover): But surely Chuck Norris isn't gonna join the team of a bunch of people he barely even knows! [sarcastically] Is he??? Chuck Norris: Why don't you and I go win this thing, huh? Barry (hesitantly): W-what do you mean? Chuck Norris: I mean, you needed a fourth team member and now you got one. NC (in sarcastic disbelief, leaning into the camera): Wha-wha-wha-wha... Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...??? NC (voiceover): So they go up to enter in the tournament, but come across a little bit of trouble. Tournament clerk: Oh, come on, Chuck Norris? THE Chuck Norris? Chuck Norris: You got a problem with that, son? NC (in sarcastic disbelief, leaning into the camera): [ridicules the prefix "Wha" by belching the word several times] ...Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...??? NC (voiceover): So Ms. Chan performs and does well, Mr. Lee performs and does well, so it's all up to Barry and Chuck now, as they fend off against the evil Piscapansies. So, if you can imagine, when Barry goes up there, HE STILL FANTASIZES! Kid, you're in a karate tournament with Chuck fucking Norris! There's no need to daydream!!! Are you ever fucking satisfied?! [calms down] So Norris faces off with Piscapo. Stone: You know, Norris, I've always wanted to see how good you really are. Chuck Norris: You only gonna see it once, Stone. NC (holding his ears, ecstatically): My ears just orgasmed, that was so cool! NC (voiceover): So they fight each other in an epic battle to... the highest point. [Chuck Norris punches Stone several times.] So Norris and Piscapo do get out as he finally delivers the finishing move... in slow-mo of course. NC (talking in slow motion, gesturing wildly): Holy fuuuuuucking shiiiit! Chuck Norris: Ew. NC: You might be wondering: What the hell just happened? Well, I'll tell you what happened: [leaning into the camera] Chuck Norris! A picture of Chuck Norris in front of an American flag and fireworks is shown. A high-pitched voice yells, accompanied by organ music "CHUCKNORRIIIIIIIIIIS!". NC (voiceover): But the two dojos are tied which means a block breaking competition will settle it all. Piscapo's team doesn't break all the blocks which means it's up to Barry to win the day. But Barry admits that he doesn't quite think he can do it. Mr. Lee: Now...concentrate! NC (voiceover): But it's okay, Mr. Lee gives him some courage and calms him down by SETTING IT ON FIRE! [angrily sarcastic] Yeah! That'll take the tension away! Set the fucking blocks on fire! What are you, high?! [Barry punches down and breaks all the blocks.] So of course he breaks all the blocks and wins the day. So, where does that leave us now? Barry: It's...um...been kinda like a dream...coming true... Chuck Norris: Dreams do come true, Barry. If you want them bad enough. NC (sarcastically): Yeah, I guess that's why so many people can't beat cancer. They just didn't want it hard enough! [NC shakes his head and rolls his eyes as if to say "Duh"] NC (voiceover): So he leaves the magazine [a magazine with Chuck Norris on the cover] behind and walks off into the sunset. Meanwhile, in the most clichéd of schlock endings, a kid picks up the magazine and is no doubt inspired by the brave God beast that he sees on the cover and wouldn't you happen to know it? He's in a wheelchair! NC (sarcastically enthusiastic): YES! Chuck Norris will heal the disabled!!! All you had to do was believe, believe in the power of Chuck Norris! [becoming angry] Good God, this movie is shit! NC (voiceover): I mean, come on! There wasn't any more of Norris's cock you could suck?! I never saw anything quite so self-indulgent! And I sat through Moonwalker! The cover of the Moonwalker DVD is shown. NC: I mean, what was the idea behind this movie? Did...Norris have a cereal he wanted to promote? Was there a commercial tie-in? Did one of the family members direct it? Was there a... Credits: "An AARON NORRIS Film" NC (voiceover): Okay... NC: ...now it all makes sense, it was directed by his brother! Was this, like, your birthday gift to him or something? Make a movie about him? Okay, none of the build-up about Chuck Norris is true, it's false! Grade-A false bulldogey! It's stupid, it's nonsensical and none of it makes sense! May God strike me down if I'm wrong! I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remem... Chuck Norris' head is photoshopped onto God from Michelangelo's famous picture. He rises up to the heavens. The "CHUCKNORRIIIIIIIIIIS!" chant is played. He reaches heaven where Mako already sits on a cloud. Mako: Thanks, I really hated that guy. THE END Written by Doug Walker and Rob Walker Performed and Edited by Doug Walker ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com 'Sidekicks' [sic] is owned by Gallery Films
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