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| - The black plaque is thought to have been originally spread by rats, who are excellent spellers that live on ships with pirates. After spending many years simply eating cheese, they decided to reward the first mate for his ability to place the double k in the correct place in the word "bukkake," a feat no other pirate was able to do, seeing as how it was 1347 and that term hadn’t even been invented yet. The first mate celebrated his award in the typical pirate fashion, by copious break dancing. Pirates soon caught on to the catchy award, which was then constructed of gnawed cork, stained dark by wine. After killing and eating the rats (then erroneously thought of as a cure for scurvy, which is now known to be caused by seamen’s dietary lack of semen), the pirates continued to give the plaque to their best spellers. Over the years, the plaque became more intricate and came to be embellished with famed pirate booty, such as buttered toast, back massagers, and the bedazzled skull of Hans Brinker. Coincidently, despite the plaque being created within one decade of the year 1337, nobody born in the year would ever win the award. Ever.
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