| Contents
| - :Peter: Holy crip, he's a crapple!
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:Stewie: I demand to know who made you!
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:[Stewie is reading a book, and then closes it shut]
:Stewie: Machiavelli, you've told me nothing I don't already know! [He picks up another book] Ah, Sun Tzu's The Art of War.
:[He opens the book as Lois enters]
:Lois: Stewie, those books aren't for babies [She takes the book from him]. Here, watch the Teletubbies.
:[She turns on the TV and leaves]
:Stewie: How dare you! That book, may hold the key to my enslaving of all mankind...[Notices TV] Ooo, fuzzy...
:Teletubby: [giddy laugh] Tickle.
:Stewie: God, the more I resist, the more intriguing they become! I can't look away!
:Teletubbies: Again! Again!
:Stewie: Yes! Yes! Again! Again! Oh, dear God, please once more!
:Peter: [walks in and changes the channel] Sorry, Stewie. A&E Biography is doing the life of the other guy from Wham.
:Stewie: [snaps out of it] I'm free! Free from the spell of those diabolical Teletubbies! [to Peter] Thank you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.
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:[Peter and Chris watch, "Wheel of Fortune". The puzzle reads, "G O _ U C K Y O U R S E L F _ _"]
:Contestant: [On TV] Pat, I'd like to solve the puzzle. "Go tuck yourself in."
:Pat Sajak: [On TV] You got it!
:Chris: Well, you were close, Dad.
:Peter Griffin: Yeah. And I still can't believe we missed the phrase "my hairy aunt."
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:Little Girl: Your family idolizes the lousy cripple and not you?
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:Meg: So, do you like music?
:Kevin: Oh, yeah. I played guitar in a band before we moved, but it interfered with my studies. What do you listen to?
:Meg: Uh, you first.
:Kevin: I'm into Garbage, Phish, Blur. My parents don't like me listenin' to that stuff, but I do, anyway, BECAUSE I AM NOT A ROBOT! [calmly]'' I also like Radiohead.
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:Chris: Meg loves Kevin!
:Meg: Shut up, you big sack of dog vomit!
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:The Grinch: You think you have won, you think all is well; but kiss my green ass, I shall see you in hell!
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:Bonnie: The movers tracked grease all over my carpet. I tried everything to get the stain out.
:Lois: What about lemon juice?
:Bonnie: Oh, what about club soda?
:Stewie: What about shutting the hell up?
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:Mr. Weed: Peter, make yourself useful, go get Joe a drink.
:Peter: Sheesh, first he takes my friends then he takes my job, and the way I wear my hat... no no, he can't take that away from me.
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:Chris: When the kids at school see this, they're gonna think you're a total psycho, and I could say: "that psycho is my dad."
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:Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
:Meg: That's such a mom answer.
:Lois: Well, have you tried showing him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
:Meg: Creepy.
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:Stewie: Oh, to be the Lindbergh baby right about now.
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:Joe: Hey, I just suggested a line of handi-capable toys. You know, to show kids the fun side of being physically challenged!
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