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| - The book opens in a café in Piraeus, just before dawn on a gusty autumn morning in the 1930s. The narrator, a young Greek intellectual, resolves to set aside his books for a few months after being stung by the parting words of a friend, Stavridakis, who has left for the Caucasus in order to help some ethnic Greeks who are undergoing persecution. He sets off for Crete in order to re-open a disused lignite mine and immerse himself in the world of peasants and working-class people. He is about to begin reading his copy of Dante's Divine Comedy when he feels he is being watched; he turns around and sees a man of around sixty peering at him through the glass door. The man enters and immediately approaches him to ask for work. He claims expertise as a chef, a miner, and player of the santuri, or cimbalom, and introduces himself as Alexis Zorba, a Greek born in Romania. The narrator is fascinated by Zorba's lascivious opinions and expressive manner and decides to employ him as a foreman. On their way to Crete, they talk on a great number of subjects, and Zorba's soliloquies set the tone for a large part of the book. On arrival, they reject the hospitality of Anagnostis and Kondomanolious the café-owner, and on Zorba's suggestion make their way to Madame Hortense's hotel, which is nothing more than a row of old bathing-huts. They are forced by circumstances to share a bathing-hut. The narrator spends Sunday roaming the island, the landscape of which reminds him of "good prose, carefully ordered, sober… powerful and restrained" and reads Dante. On returning to the hotel for dinner, the pair invite Madame Hortense to their table and get her to talk about her past as a courtesan. Zorba gives her the pet-name "Bouboulina" and, with the help of his cimbalom, seduces her. The protagonist seethes in his room while listening to the sounds of their impassioned lovemaking. The next day, the mine opens and work begins. The narrator, who has socialist ideals, attempts to get to know the workers, but Zorba warns him to keep his distance: "Man is a brute.... If you're cruel to him, he respects and fears you. If you're kind to him, he plucks your eyes out." Zorba himself plunges into the work, which is characteristic of his overall attitude, which is one of being absorbed in whatever one is doing or whomever one is with at that moment. Quite frequently Zorba works long hours and requests not to be interrupted while working. The narrator and Zorba have a great many lengthy conversations, about a variety of things, from life to religion, each other's past and how they came to be where they are now, and the narrator learns a great deal about humanity from Zorba that he otherwise had not gleaned from his life of books and paper. The narrator absorbs a new zest for life from his experiences with Zorba and the other people around him, but reversal and tragedy mark his stay on Crete, and, alienated by their harshness and amorality, he eventually returns to the mainland once his and Zorba's ventures are completely financially spent. Having overcome one of his own demons (such as his internal "no," which the narrator equates with the Buddha, whose teachings he has been studying and about whom he has been writing for much of the narrative, and who he also equates with "the void") and having a sense that he is needed elsewhere (near the end of the novel, the narrator has a premonition of the death of his old friend Stavridakis, which plays a role in the timing of his departure to the mainland), the narrator takes his leave of Zorba for the mainland, which, despite the lack of any major outward burst of emotionality, is significantly emotionally wrenching for both Zorba and the narrator. It almost goes without saying that the two (the narrator and Zorba) will remember each other for the duration of their natural lives.
- Zorba the Greek (sometimes known as Xorbon-5 or Zorbalakimou) is a popular villain first appearing in the 1935 Indian movie called Alexander Nevsky. He is often referred to as Zorba the Hutt, due to the popular misconception that Greeks live in huts. He is the father of Jabba the Greek, who became an intagalactic gangsta, followin the teachins of his fatha, and starring in the 1936 Italian movie called Star Wars. Zorba the Greek largely resembles his son, with the exception that he sprouts a large, braided, white beard, which he often wears over his shoulder, in the manner of a scarf. He is shown to the right in traditional Greek dress, and is a devout follower of the Greek Orthodox religion. He is fond of all manner of orgies and parties, particularly the Republican Party and the Big Brother Party. Zorba the Hutt is famed throughout the Balkans for his heroic resistance against the Ottoman invasion of the area. In this battle, having raged for six full episodes of Dragon Ball Z, Zorba's gang ended up victorious, and as a consequence established the Greeks' dominance as the largest ethnic Wog minority in the great nation of Australia. Following the death of his son at the hands of the drug smuggler Han Solo, Zorba the Greek traveled to the desert planet Tatooine to seek vengeance. After a gruelling Pokemon battle with Solo, the latter barely managed to escape alive, ending up in the infamous Temple of Jarrah in Bali, Indonesia. Zorba, in his relentless pursuit, chased Solo down, and once again they battled, this time in Bali, with Zorba backed by the legendary Wog Squad, consisting of young outcast Greek Australian migrants, and Solo with the help of his newfound Balinese comrades and Balinese rabid monkeys. The battle raged for hours, until Solo's right-hand man, the Lord Jarrah himself, landed a spear in Zorba's back, a sight upon which Nick Giannopoulos, leader of the Wog Squad, ran Jarrah over with his Suburu, maaaaate. With both generals wounded, Zorba threatened his opponent with a fully hectic thermal detonator, which impressed Solo. The smuggler eventually agreed to have Zorba's revenge extracted on him. An investigation into the matter revealed that Jabba had actually been killed at the hands of Princess Leia, who had proceeded to destroy the scene of the crime with a laser cannon to erase all evidence. Upon hearing of this disclosure, Zorba proceeded to extract his revenge on Leia, effectively ending his adventures with a cliffhanger. Zorba's exploits are recorded in the popular novelization The Revenge of Zorba the Hutt. Of course, the name Zorba the Greek is synonimous to many people with the famous Greek dancing song, and this is in fact no coincidence. Although the composition of this dance has often been attributed to Mikis Theodorakis for the movie itself named Zorba the Greek, the truth, uncovered only recently, seems to suggest that Zorba the Hutt himself composed the tune, naming it after himself, for the sole purpose of interrogation of Turkish captives, whereby Zorba and his generals would link up in a circle, and begin dancing around the captive tied to a chair in the centre of the circle, and Zorba himself would constantly yell at the captive for information. As the music gradually but surely sped up, the captive found himself growing more and more insane by the frantic dancing until his head eventually exploded, leaving but a Fortune Cookie and a few Turkish delights in its wake. Within the cookie Zorba would find the information he needed to know, and forever solidified the Zorba dance is the primarily most effective means of interrogation in his gang war against Otto_da_Man. Zorba the Greek has also reportedly been spotted nearby several Pirate/Ninja collisions and battlefields, and it is rumoured by many that he is in fact politically manoeuvring himself to soon establish his dominance over both parties, amalgamating in a legion of dreaded Ninjates, studying the archaic but deadly art of Wogjitsu. If Zorba were ever to amass such an horrific army, even Chuck Norris himself could soon be found to be rivalled - and it is feared that the powers within Zorba the Hutt's Greek moustache could soon rival those of Chuck Norris' beard, and if they were ever to meet, the Universe itself would implode at the mere presence of such awesome power. This final battle has often been prophesied in ancient religious texts, such as the Koran, the Dead Sea Scrolls, GeoActive 2, and The Da Vinci Code. It has been foretold that Zorba's legions shall follow Zorba and his 3 main generals: Nick Giannopoulos, Effie, and Tina Fey, each driving their foretold "Fully souped-up Suburus of Absolute Fully Hecticness Bro" over and across the Galaxy, entire worlds and planets crumbling in their wake. Otherwise known as "Wogment day", this dreaded event is but speculation, but as we wait, at this very moment, Zorba is mustering his forces in preparation for the final battle. Will such a day exist and bring an end to all things good and evil? Will Zorba exist his ultimate revenge upon the Galaxy? Will there be a final showdown against Chuck Norris? Only time will tell... Image:Pillar1.png Freaks and Greeks Image:Pillar1.png
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