| rdfs:comment
| - Software issues are quite common, although members of H. pebcakus may not know the difference between hardware and software. Also, the user may have paranoid fears about data and security.
* There is a ugly birth mark on Miley Cyrus. This complaint often occurs when coffee is splashed accidentally on to the monitor for some reason, staining the owner's Miley Cyrus desktop image, then allowed to dry for a few days. This will soon lead to loss of consortium if not taken care of right away.
* It tells me to press ENTER, but when I do, it places another space on the text field. H. pebcakus needs to stop hitting the space bar thinking it is the carriage return.
* Can I buy a copy of Google for this computer? It would be amazing if your computer could fit an entire copy of Google. But
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| abstract
| - Software issues are quite common, although members of H. pebcakus may not know the difference between hardware and software. Also, the user may have paranoid fears about data and security.
* There is a ugly birth mark on Miley Cyrus. This complaint often occurs when coffee is splashed accidentally on to the monitor for some reason, staining the owner's Miley Cyrus desktop image, then allowed to dry for a few days. This will soon lead to loss of consortium if not taken care of right away.
* It tells me to press ENTER, but when I do, it places another space on the text field. H. pebcakus needs to stop hitting the space bar thinking it is the carriage return.
* Can I buy a copy of Google for this computer? It would be amazing if your computer could fit an entire copy of Google. But then you would a) have no room left for an operating system to enjoy the experience, and b) no need for an Internet connection for a long time.
* How much does it cost to install My Documents? The only response now is to quote a dollar amount, ask for his credit card, and email him a ZIP file of "documents" in order to look professional and avoid further confrontation. Since there is nowhere to put the money, since this was not for any product offered by any company, you'll be forced to put the money in your own bank account. Many tech support staff keep a bunch of random text files in a zip archive on their personal thumb drive for the purpose. At the end of the transaction, they're happy, and you're happy. It's a win-win.
* The police are coming for me! What do I do? H. pebcakus often make this tearful plea after the error "This computer has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down" appears on their monitors.
* Is it possible to put Windows 7 on a Commodore 64? Writing Windows 7 code to fit into what used to be referred to 25 years ago as "1 segment" of memory would mean you would need an MFM drive of several gigabytes in size for swap. Good luck in finding one.
* Do you have MS Office for GameBoy? This is in case your parents come in and find you with your GameBoy instead of doing your homework. Well, it would be nice if you can do your homework on your GameBoy.
* Do you have Firefox for DOS? Tech support might recommend Lynx instead, which is what you might have meant. OK, you probably didn't mean that, but they'll tell you to use it. But if you mean real, 8-bit DOS, that might stop them in their tracks. You might hear either 1) muffled weeping, or 2) muffled derisive laughter over the phone.
* I downloaded the software update you sent, but I still get the same errors. This happens when the member of H. pebcakus never actually installed the update.
* What program do you need to create a WordPerfect document? "Uhh, did you try installing WordPerfect, sir?"
* Is there someone who comes around to empty my Recycle Bin? "Yeah, we have this guy Freddy, who comes around on Thursdays. He's a municipal trashman, comes around the same day as the garbage truck. I hope you don't mind that he has to take your computer apart to get the garbage out from the inside. Should only take a few minutes each Thursday. He'll arrive with his little blue box and a big monkey wrench."
* Do I need a computer to use your software? Sorry, there is nothing to add. It is a classic on its own.
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