Tried my hand at my very own first non-crappy (I hope) UnNews. Don't bash me too badly. Please! :P 17:35, 29 Oct I've got this one. Unfortunately I have a very rare ailment known as spectrometriseitis, which means that I am unable to read anything written on a pink background, I hope there was nothing important up there. --ChiefjusticeDS 12:28, October 30, 2009 (UTC) A polite suggestion, highlighting it turns it to blue on a white background, rendering it perfectly readable. 18:20, 31 Oct OK, finally, here goes. -- 22:38, Nov 8
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| - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Parents encourage drug experimentation over math homework
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| - Tried my hand at my very own first non-crappy (I hope) UnNews. Don't bash me too badly. Please! :P 17:35, 29 Oct I've got this one. Unfortunately I have a very rare ailment known as spectrometriseitis, which means that I am unable to read anything written on a pink background, I hope there was nothing important up there. --ChiefjusticeDS 12:28, October 30, 2009 (UTC) A polite suggestion, highlighting it turns it to blue on a white background, rendering it perfectly readable. 18:20, 31 Oct OK, finally, here goes. -- 22:38, Nov 8
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| - No really major problems here, just a few run-on sentences. You do have a sentence or two that could probably be split down into more manageable chunks
This, for instance: "The study concluded that those blank years modern parents should have stayed sober and awake in college classes are finally coming back to haunt them." - It's a little tricky to follow, and could probably benefit from a slight re-structure, or a comma or so - such as: "The study concluded that modern parents may now be seeing their earlier failures - such as failing to stay sober in college - come back to haunt them". Same basic sentence, but possibly a little easier to follow.
That's about it, though, spelling's fine, formatting is fine, no real problems to speak of.
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| - For the length of the article as it is, I actually think there's one too many here. But if you expand it a little, as I hope you will, then we should be fine. They are all appropriate and captioned well, and I particularly like the pills caption myself .
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| - The idea itself - that parents are afraid of homework, and would rather put their kids on drugs, is a really, really good one, and should lend itself to plenty of comedy. I want to see you do more with it - push for the real absurdity that this can bring. Parents who are so afraid of a simple quadratic equation they'd rather get little Jimmy hooked on Meth; parents who can't cope with calculating the length of various sides of a triangle, so they put their kids on acid and after half an hour ask the smart little bastard how many sides it has now, huh? That kind of thing. You have a really good idea here, with so much scope, and I like what you've got so far, but please, please, please, turn it up to 11, tease out the real ridiculousness of your idea, let it sing!
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| - OK, here we go. This is a good subject to work with, and you've got some good ideas for a start. I think it needs a little work still, but it's well on the way, and it's pretty good as it stands. Here's the deal though: it's all quite serious in tone, and requires a little involvement to really get the best from it. That's fine, nothing wrong with that, but you need to hook people in a little - give 'em a couple of more throwaway, obvious, more "jokey" lines early one, or at least something they can chuckle at quite quickly off the bat, so they can think "hey, yeah, I'll give this some more attention" and they go on to get more out of the rest of it.
My suggestion here would be to bring in those good old stereotypes a little - have a quote or two from a good ol' hippy or something, give the easy laugh while you work on the more satirical digs in the background. Also, perhaps undermine your narrator a little in the same way - you have statistics in the second section, which are always perfect for this purpose. "..with 9 in 10 .."; "...ninety one percent ..." - that kind of thing, anyway.
Basically, you have a good article, with plenty of potential, but with a little too much dryness at the moment. Your main argument - that parents who were dumb as anything are now jealous of being eclipsed by their offspring - is a good one, but I think you can work an absurd example in there of how this happens, instead of just explaining how it happens. Really paint a broad picture, and you'll find more laughs here. If you think I'm being a little vague here, it's because I can almost see how I'd write that bit, and I'm trying desperately not to tell you, because I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with it!
If you want more ideas, you know where to find me, but I hope this gives you enough of a pointer as to where I think this article needs to go.
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| - Rightyho, to sum up then: nice idea, you've spotted an interesting topic, and put a decent spin on it. As it stands, this is a pretty decent UnNews, and something to be pleased with. However, there is plenty of potential here for this thing to really fly - explore the absurdity inherent in your idea a little more, and you should be left with something a lot more chucklesome. I sincerely hope you do that, because I'd like to see it.
And as always, remember that this is only my opinion, others are available And good luck!
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| - --Under_user/sig3 (23:18, Nov 8)
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| - Tried my hand at my very own first non-crappy (I hope) UnNews. Don't bash me too badly. Please! :P 17:35, 29 Oct I've got this one. Unfortunately I have a very rare ailment known as spectrometriseitis, which means that I am unable to read anything written on a pink background, I hope there was nothing important up there. --ChiefjusticeDS 12:28, October 30, 2009 (UTC) A polite suggestion, highlighting it turns it to blue on a white background, rendering it perfectly readable. 18:20, 31 Oct I still want UU to review this thing, not some nitwit who... let's just not follow that line of thoughts. 08:46, 5 Nov And I know I promised to get to it at the weekend and failed. Shit, unfortunately, just got real. I'm snowed under at work like never before. I will do my living best to get to this in the next couple of days, but cannot, unfortunately, guarantee anything. -- 09:06, Nov 5 Oh, sorry who do you not want to review this? Probably somebody that won't see this, irrespective of how many UnNews articles they wrote. Wow, I wouldn't risk putting it out in the open like that. 22:54, November 6, 2009 (UTC) Put what exactly out in the open like what? You don't want to see a tantrum like last time, so please, keep your head out of this, Mr Guy-I-Haven't-Met-Before 23:00, 6 Nov Don't worry, I still got this, I'm sure I can find time this weekend. -- 23:03, Nov 6 I think I'll be happy as long as the review's happened "by the end of next week", UU... ^_^ 22:41, 8 Nov OK, finally, here goes. -- 22:38, Nov 8 One thing though: despite your template up there, I have done a few reviews now and am also an old git, and am therefore somewhat set in my ways. I score 5 as average, always have, and always will. I'm set in my ways like that. Anything over a 5 from me is therefore to be seen as a good thing, and do not forget that. OK, here we go! Just as a comment, those score samples are directly filched from the guidelines, so those don't exactly reflect my views, just the general opinion. A seven is an average on the Finnish 4 (fail) to 10 (excellent) grading scale, and it sort of sticks with me, but I think a 6 is roughly my idea of "average" in reviews and anything above that's great. Thanks for reviewing. 23:28, 8 Nov
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