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Hello, old sausage! My name is Dr. Dean McFutelityablingbradletit PhD, and I'll be your guide for this portion of the tour. Our subject is analytic philosophy, and "boy howdy", you better be wearing fresh undies for this "ol' ride", ha ha! Just kidding -- you should always wear clean underwear. Since the dawn of time, philosophers have wondered about how to begin a story. Our story begins at the beginning, which is a lot smarter than beginning at the end. (Though if we were to begin at the end, I wouldn't have to write anything. I'M AN IDIOT.)

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  • Analytic tradition
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  • Hello, old sausage! My name is Dr. Dean McFutelityablingbradletit PhD, and I'll be your guide for this portion of the tour. Our subject is analytic philosophy, and "boy howdy", you better be wearing fresh undies for this "ol' ride", ha ha! Just kidding -- you should always wear clean underwear. Since the dawn of time, philosophers have wondered about how to begin a story. Our story begins at the beginning, which is a lot smarter than beginning at the end. (Though if we were to begin at the end, I wouldn't have to write anything. I'M AN IDIOT.)
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abstract
  • Hello, old sausage! My name is Dr. Dean McFutelityablingbradletit PhD, and I'll be your guide for this portion of the tour. Our subject is analytic philosophy, and "boy howdy", you better be wearing fresh undies for this "ol' ride", ha ha! Just kidding -- you should always wear clean underwear. Since the dawn of time, philosophers have wondered about how to begin a story. Our story begins at the beginning, which is a lot smarter than beginning at the end. (Though if we were to begin at the end, I wouldn't have to write anything. I'M AN IDIOT.) Anyway, the beginning is in the late 19th century, with philosopher-scientologists Gottlob Frege and Bertrand Russell. These two intellectual giants were unparalleled in their time, and have few rivals today. The congruence of their way of thinking is also awesome. Indeed, by the end of their lives, these two philosophical brains would be so alike that they physically fused together, creating the monster we now know as Russfrege (or "Frussel", as they were known to friends). This phenomenon is not entirely unheard of; a similar horror gave life to the creature known as Kripkenstein. Russfrege early realized that a preponderance of French and German philosophers were opium-spattered loons who imagineered deeply silly books. So they invented the analytic tradition in philosophy, which tried to formulate a logical language whose purpose would be to remove all imaginary things from discussion. In this way, their artificial language was kind of like the big black cloud in The Neverending Story. Countless unicorns, leprachauns, and honest Republicans were liquidated.
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