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| - Orlov was born into a Moscow meerkat colony, the Minskies, on 11th January 1961, his russian father vladamir kolsak orlov owned a tractor factory and his mother Anna, was a renowned novelist, author of such works as Anna Meerkaterina (semi-autobiographical) and Lolita (some have foolishly claimed Lolita was written by Vladimir Nabokov. They are, of course, wrong). Aleksandr received his education via home schooling, his parents distrustful of state schools, since the mysterious disappearance of Leonid, Aleksandr’s elder brother in 1958. (See conspiracy theories surrounding the disappearance of Leonid Orlov for more information). On 20th October 1977,when Orlov was sixteen the Minsky burrow came under a brutal attack from rival mongoose clan, the Gnashers, headed by leader Luis Carrera (Spa
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| - Orlov was born into a Moscow meerkat colony, the Minskies, on 11th January 1961, his russian father vladamir kolsak orlov owned a tractor factory and his mother Anna, was a renowned novelist, author of such works as Anna Meerkaterina (semi-autobiographical) and Lolita (some have foolishly claimed Lolita was written by Vladimir Nabokov. They are, of course, wrong). Aleksandr received his education via home schooling, his parents distrustful of state schools, since the mysterious disappearance of Leonid, Aleksandr’s elder brother in 1958. (See conspiracy theories surrounding the disappearance of Leonid Orlov for more information). On 20th October 1977,when Orlov was sixteen the Minsky burrow came under a brutal attack from rival mongoose clan, the Gnashers, headed by leader Luis Carrera (Spanish meerkats are sneaky buggers). In the fight, twenty-nine meerkats were killed, including Orlov’s mother and father. He only survived the onslaught because he slipped out for a quick snog with his then girlfriend Agata Zabinski. Orlov described his running back in to find his father dying in emotional detail in his 2006 autobiography: "In the kitchen, I find father. He lays on floor, his clothes drench in mongoose piss, the smell overpowering him. I knew him didn’t long have left. Mongoose piss deadly poisonest known to mammal kind. Father last word to me as he lays dying on floor “Forgive the mongooses” Obviously delirious was he with pain, so I ignore foolish sentiment. Then I leg out" Simples, the tale of Aleksandr Orlov Chapter Five, pg 64 After that, Orlov was adopted by his adult cousin, Vladislav Orlov and his orphaned siblings. To protect himself from reprisals by Carrera’s henchmen, Aleksandr took his cousins’ surname. Orlov’s cousins came from an old aristocracy family, and so they and Aleksandr lived in a grand mansion just north of St. Petersburg. Vladislav worked as the secretary for local businessmeerkat Allan Sugarayev, and it is from him that Aleksandr got his love of business, as well as letter openers and his meerkat nationalism. In 1979, the business dried up (there is not much call for sauerkraut in Russia) leading to the loss of several hundred jobs. The resulting protests led to Sugareyev and all the Orlovs being forced out of Russia, save for Aleksandr, who had the sense to put down his name as Minsky. As a result of Great Uncle Nikita’s curious will allegedly forged by Aleksandr), the young meerkat received the glorious Orlov mansion, which he owns to this day.
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