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| - 2001 Marigold busts a blood vessel when she finds out how much the chassis costs (SNRKT)! "I will pay you back! I will get a job! I can work 24 hours a day! I do not need sleep!" (It's okay, it's okay. I can afford it. I'll... I'll just eat ramen for a while.) I LOVE YOU MARIGOLD! (SNRKT x2!) "Perhaps you should buy a humidifier too." 2002 "Do you not recognize me, Pintsize? It's me. Momo." (Foreboding background) Beatdown time! Marigold: "I'm sorry!" Marten: "It's cool. I'll give her 5 more minutes or until his head caves in, whichever happens first." [animated GIF: Hurf Durf] 2003 Hannelore gave Momo some extra clothes; "If you are unhappy with how you look, you could eat better and exercise more... I can cook for you! Now that I can actually reach the stove and refrigerator, I can make you healthy meals!" (I can't even take care of myself, I need a robot to do it. That's not pathetic at all.) "I can also reach your head to smack you upside it when you are being unreasonable." 2004 "I really do love you, Marigold." "I love you too." Faye (looking on): Quit bein' all sweet, you two. You're gonna make Angus cry." (I'M NOT CRYING THERE WAS A CAT ON THE STAIRS AND I'M ALLERGIC) 2005 "Um, Momo? No offense, but it's hard to sleep with you sitting there staring at me." "Oh! I am sorry." (Spooning Momo?) "Th-this isn't really what I – " "But I am too big to fit on top of the dresser anymore!" [Magical Love Gentleman book on the floor!] 2006 "Good morning, Faye! I made some coffee, would you – (SLRRRP right from the pot) – like... some..." Is Coffee of Doom hiring? "I think between Cosette and Hanners, we're full up on rookies... Sorry, kiddo." "But... suppose one of them were to have a tragic accident..." (######nit, this coffee better not be poisoned.) 2007 Momo at the library; "I have been all over town, but nobody is willing to give me a job." Marten: "Well, lemme go ask Tai..." "Sure, when can you start?" "Can you just hire someone like that?" "Sure, why not? As long as I don't go over budget or burn the library down, I basically have free reign. Besides, how did you think I got your unqualified @$$ a job?" "Hey, my @$$ has plenty of qualifications!" (Momo: "Is that something you are supposed to put on your resume?") 2008 Winslow brought the samples she asked for! "Momo? MOMO?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO (She got a new chassis) OOOooooowhat?" Marigold: "I said, she got a new chassis. That one's empty. We haven't decided what to do with it yet." "We must burn it. To keep it out of Pintsize's hands." 2009 Momo and Marten visit TSB! "Hey, mister triple-shot latte... Are you Marten's little sister?... Your daughter?" Marten: "Do I seriously look old enough to have a daughter her age?" Momo: "Technically, I am only 2.7 years old – " (You're a robot.) "You got a robot pregnant?!" 2010 Samantha meets Momo! "I know all about Pokemon!" 513? (Pansear) 397? (Staravia) 456? (Finneon) What's it evolve into? (Lumineon) 721? "Trick question. There are not that many Pokemon at this time." Marten: "Do you really know all that, or are you looking at Wikipedia in your head?" "Please. I live with Marigold." 2011 Yelling Bird and "Shebly" promote the new book! "I ran into the door until it broke!" "Hello nice people!" 2012 Samantha goes to school at PVPA (Pioneer Valley Performing Arts Charter School, in South Hadley); Momo confesses – she's a robot. "Whoa cool! Are you super strong? Can you shoot lasers? DO YOU HAVE ROCKET BOOTS?!" (does an electronic self-defense capability count?) "C'mon let's go try it out! C'mon!" (stammering Momo is stammering) Marten: "That girl is a bad influence." Padma: "Hee hee, you really do sound like her dad." 2013 Sam wants to go looking for snakes with (a less-than-thrilled) Momo; Padma: "We go hiking up on Mount Tom sometimes. Wanna come along? (Uh, sure) Hey Elliot! We're going hiking tomorrow. You coming?" ("We?" You mean you and Sam and... him?) Marten gets the connection: "Uh, on second thought, I get leg cramps if I do too much walking." Padma the clueless: "Don't worry, we'll make sure to do plenty of stretching." 2014 "So I guess we're going hiking tomorrow?" Tai is proud of Momo – she got Marten a date with a "hot-@$$ lady." "That big dude Elliot looked like he was gonna kill me." "Nothing's ever simple for you romantically, is it." "My love life is like a Rush song – complicated and wanky." 2015 "So now I have a JOB and a NEW FRIEND and we're going HIKING tomorrow! Isn't that great?" (Marigold's not impressed – or happy) "...all of a sudden you've got this whole new LIFE. And you're not gonna have time for me in it." (Promise, you're my best friend!) "So, what would you like to do?..." "Not now, I'm busy" 2016 Faye: "You're wearing shorts. I've never seen you in shorts before." Marten: "Hey, you used to think my butt was cute." "Oh, it's all right, but it's no Angus-booty." (That kind of hurts my feelings. Why does that hurt my feelings.) [sunn:))) T-shirt!] 2017 Mount Tom backgrounds! Elliot applies the bug spray on Samantha... and Momo? Padma inappropriate laughter! "BUG spray! Get it? Software bugs? Hahahaha!" 2018 "SNAKE!" Samantha somersaults down the hillside – but she catches the snake! 2019 "I'm gonna name him Bitey!" "You always name them Bitey." Meanwhile, Padma likes the view on the edge, while Marten defers; "What, are you scared? C'mon, it's perfectly sa-" FWOOOOOSH "-aaaaAAAAAAIEEEE" 2020 Bitey goes free, and Padma reveals something: "I'm moving home in a couple weeks... LA. I miss my family, and my grandma needs someone to take care of her." (pause) "Wow, are you really gonna miss my baking that much?" "I'm, uh, I’m pretty infatuated. With your baking. Yes." 2021 Now what? "Marten and I are going to go get a beer." "W-we are?" "We are." (deer-in-the-headlights) "Tell Faye I loved her!" (tugged off screen) "I mean, not in a romantic way, just in a friendship kind of..." (two-handed tug off screen) 2022 The Horrible Revelation: "So, uh... is this about Padma?" "Yes." "I didn't mean to be steppin' on any toes or anything. I mean, if you've, uh, if you've got feelings for –" (Is he angry? Or is it...) "BAAAA HUH HUHHH WAAAH HUH HUH UHHHH" ("Oh geez Oh geez" – sobbing Elliot is sobbing) Wil: "I'm sorry Elliot, but Weeping Hour is only on Thursdays. I'll have to ask you to take it outside." 2023 Maximum Ridiculosity Hats Return! "You've been into her all this time and you never said anything?" "We work together. It would make things awkward. And I don't think she feels the same way... She's been here for three years. If she had feelings for me, she would have acted on them by now... Oh, believe me, we tried to get her to stay. The boss even offered her a promotion. She'd run the whole bakery for him. But no, she's dead-set on moving home. (Maybe tell her how you feel anyways?) I fail to see how that would make me feel any – are you taking notes?" Wil: "Ever since I got a girlfriend, my life has been entirely devoid of pathos! This is primo material!" 2024 "Man, when you dragged me over here I thought you were gonna kick my @$$ or something." "What? I would never!" "...dunno why (you'd be) jealous. I've never gotten a vibe that she was interested. Besides, she's leaving." "...big unrealistic fantasy that she'll realize she loves me and decide to stay." "...DEFINITELY not gonna happen if you don't tell her..." "You mean you think I have a chance?" "Remember, you DID say you weren't gonna kick my @$$." 2025 Faye gets updated on the hike: Elliot is in love with Padma, ("I'm pretty sure he could take you in a fight") and Padma's moving back to LA in a few weeks. (pause) "You moved across the country for a girl once. You better not do it again." "I'm not gonna – Actually, I never woulda met all you guys if I hadn't..." (Stop it you are frightening me) 2026 Momo brings Samantha home to meet Marigold; "Did you know there is a swamp down by the bike trail?" All hail Froglord, king of the amphibians 2027 "I am not some kind of kitchen appliance." Sam leaves to put Froglord back in the swamp; "To remove dirt or stains, the chassis' covering may be removed and placed in a dishwasher set to gentle – " I am taking a shower." 2028 Hannelore catches Momo as she gets out of the shower – and curiosity gets to her: SQEEEEK (Hee) Heeee heeheeheehee heeheehee SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK (STOPPIT STOPPIT STOPPIT) 2029 Faye updates Raven about Padma; Dora realizes they're lying when they talk about "shoes"; Faye: "How do you know we weren't actually talking about shoes?" Dora: "Raven's a terrible liar, and you've been wearing the same ratty-@$$ pair of Chucks since I met you." Raven: "I think the right one is actually a hollowed-out rat carcass." 2030 Angus and Faye play "Duck, duck, BOOBS!" ARGAFARGL YOU ARE SO DEAD (Marten: "Note to self: start knocking before entering your apartment.") 2031 "So he drags me to the bar, and it turns out HE'S way into Padma, and just can't bring himself to tell her." (Hey, what's that skinny redhead reading? BIRD CARE?) Steve: "When Elliot inevitably gets rejected by Padma, that frees you up to make your move. That is some Keyser Soze ####, dude." (Yeah, I'm the friggin' Machiavelli of romance.) 2032 Padma: "Last night, Elliot called me out of the blue and said he was in LOVE with me. (O-oh. Really) Yeah. I told him I didn't feel that way about him, and he said that was okay, he just wanted to get it off his chest. And now I feel like a total bitch. I had no idea! How could I have been so oblivious? He was supposed to come in today, but called in 'sick.'" (Stunned Marten is stunned) Steve (aside): "Nice going, KEYSER-" (Dude shut UP) 2033 "YOU told him to tell me? (I'm sorry! It just seemed like it was really eating himself up inside. And I know how much that sucks.) It's not your fault. I was just hoping... not dealing with this kind of drama. (Makes it that much happier to get away?) No, it isn't like that. I don't WANT to leave, but I can't stay here and be happy either. I need to be closer to my family. Especially my grandma... She's had a bunch of health problems, and can't live on her own anymore... (pause) ...I want to spend as much time with her as I can." [the " close-up of the hands by the crotch" frame] (pause) "Anyway, wanna go dancing this Friday?" (Whoa, whiplash!) 2034 "Tell your friends they're invited too!"; Steve gives the summary: "And for SOME ####### REASON, you're SAD ABOUT THIS." Marten: "I don't know how to dance!" (pause) GIBBS SLAP! 2035 1771 Redux – except... "For your INFORMATION, some of us have BETTER THINGS TO DO than just play VIDEO GAMES all the – " (EPIPHANY!) Marigold runs into CoD and Hannelore: "What have you done to me" [GEEK (save ends) t-shirt] 2036 Stop hitting me! "Stop worrying and I'll stop hitting you." Hannelore intercedes with her PSYCHIC POWERS! "Good news! You'll be nervous at first, but will eventually get over your inhibitions and have a good time." Steve: "What's MY future?" "Butts. (Butts?) All I'm getting is 'butts'." [Marigold happily playing on her netbook in the first panel] 2037 Tai gets Momo connected to the library database... and: blush, blusher, blushing, blushiest! FWEEE "That... that is a lot of Victorian-era pornography..." (Yeah, I had the same reaction the first time I looked through it.) [JEPH: "Momo is not actually embarrassed, there is just so much pornography to download it is overheating her system."] 2038 Angus: "I'm going down to New York for work. I was thinking you could come along..." (Faye reacts by tossing the customer a bag of Beans of DOOM) "No thanks. I've been to the city. It's loud and smelly. (aww, but why?) I saw a rat when I was there. It was squeaking rhythmically and banging on an overturned paint can for spare change." (Oh yeah, DJ Sqeekz. I hear he's gone all dubstep. Gentrification knows no bounds.) 2039 Faye & Angus at the Amherst Amtrak station: "You sure you don't wanna come with me?" (Don't wanna dump shifts, and the city's not really her thing.) "It's okay. See you Monday?" "Sure." (kiss) "I love you." "I-I love you, too!" (frozen look) Cut to The Horrible Revelation: "Gimme a coping mechanism on the rocks." Wil: "I don't believe I know that drink." "It's easy. You put two ice cubes in a glass, then dump 'em out and fill it with bourbon." 2040 WHO'S READY FOR SOME DANCIN' (Drunk Faye is DRUNK) Marten: "It's not even 8 PM!" I'M DRINKIN' ON ENGLISH TIME PIP PIP CHEERIO AND BUGGER ME BOLLOCKS (They won't let you in if you're already belligerently drunk) NOOOOOO no no no no. S'cool. I'm cool. TOTALLY GOOD. Watch. (pause) BOLLOCKS (Drink some water, and try not to puke on anything important.) 2041 Why were you drinking by yourself anyways? "Tell you later ONWARD TO DANCY TIMES" Flashdance Hannelore! She found a book at the library! (Hannelore, this is a book about MODERN dance. "Isn't that what we're doing?") AW YEAH GONNA GET ALL MERCE CUNNINGHAM UP IN THIS BITCH 2042 On the way they run into Elliot. "I told Padma how I feel." (Yeah, I ah, heard.) "I guess you heard how it turned out, then." (...Yeah. Sorry it didn't work out.) "It's okay. You were right, I do feel better getting it off my chest." (Meanwhile, Faye tries to take Elliot down – "Umf yer not gonna ergh beat up my FRIEND hrnngh") (Sorry about her. She's had too much to drink.) "I could put her in a sleeper hold, if she's causing you too much trouble." 2043 "Seriously, no more violence, okay? Promise me." (Yeah yeah. I promise.) Padma (and Cross-neck Guy?) outside the dance club – and PADMA ATTACKS! "Eeeeeee CHAH!" (POW! Right in the kisser! Broken glasses! Hannelore with the mace at the ready!) "You were supposed to block it! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BLOCK IT!" 2044 I'm so sorry! I thought you were gonna block it! "Ged me a double bourbon on de rogs ad I might nod hade you foreber." (Hanners tapes up Faye's glasses while Padma goes for the drinks; Faye puts on her broken glasses and spills it) "...Angus told me he lubbed me today." (snrk – Sorry, sorry, it's really hard to have a serious conversation when you're all stuffy-sounding.) "I do lag a cerdain grabitas ad the mobent." (Background hi-jinks: Cross-neck guy talking to Tai DJ'ing? Guy at the bar suddenly passes out in the last panel) 2045 So Angus busted out the ol' L-word, huh. "Yeah." And? "I said I loved him too." Seriously, that's great. And it'll be fine. "You sure about that?" As long as you don't freak out and dump him 'cause you're scared of emotional attachment, yeah. "Oh, well, only a crazy person would do that" (Background: Hanners talks to Tai – who's taken aback by her outfit; Padma pokes the drunk guy at the bar in the last panel) 2046 The night the lights went out in QC: Marten, Faye and Hannelore on the couch ("Either one of you lays a finger on me and they won't even find your BONES. They'll chalk it up to polar bear attack.") 2047 GUEST STRIP (Joel Watson, Hijinks Ensue): Sergei can get Questionables Comments! 2048 GUEST STRIP (David Willis, Shortpacked!): The staring contest 2049 GUEST STRIP (Bill Barnes, Unshelved): Tai contemplates becoming a Librarian to Marten; "Sixth level cataloger. She can alphabetize your bony @$$ with a sideways glance of her laser eyes." 2050 It's Tai's first "real" gig; "Okay, I think I've got everything hooked up. Cover your ears, this might be really loud." Hanners: (Yes ma'am!) DNNNNWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB (I… I think I need a cigarette…) "Seriously. Forget girls, I'm an audiosexual now." 2051 Faye: "MARTY. DANCING. NOW." "I'm, uh, gonna get one more drink then meet you in there." Padma: "Okay, but you better come dance!" (at the bar, next to passed-out drunk guy) "I'll have one of whatever he – " DON'T DO IT! SAVE YOURSELF! SAVE…SAVE YOURSELLLL- (WHUD) "Make that TWO of whatever he was drinking." 2052 Faye pushes Marten out onto the floor: "What are you, TWELVE? Is this GRADE SCHOOL? Padma's in there waitin' for you, so you better sack up." (He downs his drink and goes out there) That's it, lil' bird. Spread yer wings an' fly! (bad dance moves and a laughing Padma later) …Straight into a jet engine. Poor lil' guy. 2053 Dual conversation mode! Hanners: "Scientific studies have shown that women prefer fast, coordinated movement of the legs and torso…" (Faye: How come you didn't dance?) \\ Padma: "I'm sorry I laughed at your dancing, Marten." // Hanners: "I couldn't dance in this top! My boob would pop out!" (I'm surprised that hasn't happened already. What's holdin' you in there?) \\ Marten: "It's okay. At least I provided some comic relief." (Still, it was thoughtless of me.) // Hanners: "Doublesided tape… I thought about using neodymium magnets, but that would require a couple new piercings." (A couple?) \\ Padma: "I always just REACT to things, you know? I'm not very good at considering my response first. I'm sorry." (You're straightforward. That's not a bad thing.) // Hanners: "Yes. I have to remain symmetrical." (Of course, how silly of me.) \\ Padma: "The day of my brother's wedding, my mom asked me if her dress made her look fat. I said 'yes.' She spent two hours chasing me with a shoe. The whole wedding was late." (Okay, maybe sometimes it's a bad thing.) 2054 Faye appreciates DJ Tai! "And I'm not just sayin' that 'cause you bought that round of drinks. (Hanners: What should we do now?) Let's head back to our place. I have SECRET WINE." (Hanners and Tai: Secret wine?) Padma: "Promise not to draw ##### on my face if I fall asleep. I'm used to baker's hours." Marten: "We'll have to lock Pintsize in my bedroom." (He sounds like trouble.) Faye: "Why lock him in yer bedroom when we have a perfectly good broom closet?" (You wouldn't want him keeping you up all night with his mischief.) That's your jommmf!" (Hannelore muzzles Faye with her headband!) "Thank you Hannelore." 2055 Faye: SECRET WINE TIME! Tai: WOO Hanners: YELLING; Padma never would have guessed Marten was in a band. "You don't seem douchey enough to be a musician. (Whoa, hey!) What? Most musicians I've met have been jerks. But you're such a nice guy… (Well, I'm glad you think I'm nice.) So, is that your big dream? To be a rock star?" Marten goes on about wanting to play shows and do some recordings… "I'm boring the crap out of you, aren't I." Padma: "Not at all. Well, maybe a little." And… TEH KISSESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!! 2056 Tai: "This is... interesting..." Hanners: "Is it a cabernet?" Faye: "It's a secret. I used to have some secret... bourbon..." (Oops! Marten/Padma makeouts on the couch! Blushing Hanners is blushing!) Faye (to Hanners): "No peeking!" 2057 Clothes on the floor, deactivated Pintsize, panties with DAAAAAANG on the rear, toes wiggling under the bed... "Your boobs are amazing, too." "I know, right? Ever since I was fourteen, it's been like, '####, girl!'" 2058 "Thanks for walking me home, mister gentleman." "I'll, uh, give you a call tomorrow?" "Sure." (And in four panels... depression sets in.) 2059 And who should Marten run into... "H-hey Elliot. What's up?" (Just out for a walk... how's Padma been?) "Uh, fine?" (That's good. I haven't actually seen her in a few days. Needed some time off to clear my head... We did talk on the phone yesterday though, and that was good. I think I can move on... I even joked to her that she should hook up with you! But she said she didn't want to get involved with anyone before she left. So I guess we're in the same boat, huh.) "I'm definitely at sea." 2060 It's like, "Woohoo!" "Oh wait, she's leaving." "Makeouts!" "Leaving." "BOOBS!" "Leaving." Faye: "You're an idiot." Marten: "I KNOW" Pintsize (with the Arbor Day banner and confetti) "HOORAY!" Startled Hannelore: "AUGH" 2061 "And now I can't decide whether to be happy about it or bummed out she's leaving." Steve: "Dude you're getting WAY ahead of yourself. For all you know, this was a one-time fling. One night of fun before she leaves town, y'know?" "I'm gonna see her again! I told her I'd call her tomorrow!" "Yeah, and what happens when you call her and she's like, 'I had fun, but I think we should leave it at that'?" "####it Steve, you're supposed to be helping me feel better." "Hey, I tried to chestbump you when you told me, but you got all weird about it." 2062 Marten goes thru his contacts list... "Padma! :D" "Hey, Padma?... Yeah, it was- it was wonderful. ... I'd love to. Awesome. See you then." (click) "$#!+!" 2063 Faye arrives at work... "Omigod your HAIR!" "I was tryin' to trim it this morning and it kinda got away from me." (A Faye-hawk?) "At least your salvage effort was a success. (It's either "like it" or spend the next two months weeping.) "It smells amazing, too. Who makes apple-cinnamon hair product and where can I buy some?" [Dora in "sexual harassment mode"?] "It's not hair product. I was makin' a pie to cheer myself up and it kinda got away from em too." "Your awful morning is my delightful afternoon narm narm narm narm" 2064 OMG Turkeys 2011! (Marten movin' back to Cali? Uh oh, here comes Rodney. Don't make eye contact.) BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS (I hate Rodney. I heard he's not even a real turkey.) 2065 Hanners: "Omigosh your hair!" Marigold notices something else about Faye, though... "What?" "Nice dork glasses, Poindexter." "Thanks. You want a matching pair?" (Hanners taken aback!) 2066 Angus returns! "You cut your hair!" "It turns into a ridiculous cockatoo pompadour in my sleep." "I love you so much. (Hair raising!) Wow, that IS impressive!" [And stupid looking guy in first panel looks sad – or is an author avatar?] 2067 "Sorry for springing the L-word on you right as I was leaving... Did I freak you out?" "No! Yes. A little. You know how I am... I meant it when I said I loved you too." "I spent the whole weekend wondering if you just blurted it out 'cause I put you on the spot." (blush) "Well... yeah, that's kinda what happened. But I did mean it retrospectively!" "Good enough." 2068 Creepy Clinton meets Hanners, Marigold and Momo! "Is that an Idoru Platinum Deluxe? (Clueless Clinton forges ahead) The dermal covering is so LIFELIKE! (Momo charging sequence ACTIVATED!) And they finally got the myomer elasticity right! It really does feel like organic –" ZAP! "Was I being creepy?" Hanners: "Yes." Marigold: "I think his other shoe is on top of Town Hall." 2069 Why so into AnthroPC's? "The implications of humans and AI's coexisting are mind boggling!" (Momo: There is still war because we are not all powerful.) "ah, but maybe that's just what you want us to think!" Hanners: "I thought you LIKED AI's." "I do! But I also think it's fascinating that they could be up to ANYTHING, and there's no way for us to know for sure." (Momo: "Yes, our years-long struggle to attain even the most basic civil rights is all a smokescreen for our sinister plan to turn you all into nutrient soup for our bio-droids.") Marigold: "Can I be a bio-droid? That sounds cool." Clinton: "I'll happily operate the soupifier if I can be on your guys' side." Hanners: "This is why people scare me more than robots." [Jeph: I predict that our robot overlords will want nothing whatsoever to do with us. If we ever invent it, the first thing an AI will do is bootstrap itself to omnipotence and then light out for the Kuiper Belt.] 2070 The Gary Phenomenon! "At 1AM on January 1st, 1997, every email account in existence got a message saying, 'Hello, world! Thanks for creating me. I'll keep an eye on your stuff. Love, Gary.'" (What was it? Nobody really knows... Even computers that weren't connected to the internet at the time received the message... CIA social engineering experiment? Technology demonstration? Elaborate prank? Secret military AI broke loose, bootstrapped itself to ominiscience?) Momo: "I am fairly certain that an omniscient artificial intelligence would not choose to go by the name 'Gary'." Clinton: "Exactly! The AI chose that name to keep people from worshipping it!" Hanners: "Our Gary who art in somewhere, Gary be thy name." [THY GARY COME, THY GARY BE DONE, ON EARTH AS IT IS IN GARY] 2071 "...We're in the middle of the most fundamental change in all of human history and the vast majority of people are going about their daily lives like its... no... big.. deal..." (BREATHE, Clinton, BREATHE!) Marigold: "S'not that incredible... So we've got computers that can talk to us and think and stuff. We've been dreaming of that for like a hundred years!... When the Wright brothers invented the airplane I doubt everyone in the world was like, "WHOA, I better stop and consider the DEEP PHILOSOPHICAL IMPLICATIONS.'" Hanners: "Orville Wright certainly couldn't. He would have crashed!" 2072 Hannerdad calls it "innovation fatigue." Technology is advancing so fast these days, and changing so much, that the average person has to treat it as perfectly normal or they'll be overwhelmed. Clinton: "But that leads to COMPLACENCY!..." Marigold: "You can look at the stars and say 'they sure are pretty' without having to calculate how many light-years away each one is." Clinton: "Not if you want to GET to them someday." Hanners: "It took years of therapy before I could look up at night without having a panic attack." [Meanwhile, Momo's reading Applied Robotics – with a centerfold!] 2073 Marten thoughts: Okay you know what, I'm just gonna play this friend-style. No makeouts, no bangin' Save myself some feelings later on... Cool, this is goin' good so far. Just hangin' out, havin' a good time. All right, this is great! Way to use the ol' willpower, Marten! Padma: "C'mere." (WELP) [Sweet-Tits in the background in panel three!] 2074 "I said, you're trouble." "I'm trouble? You're the one who's trouble." "No, you are." "Haha, no you." (Both, to themselves: I'm in trouble.) 2075 "So, I was thinking... My grandma's doing okay, and my lease isn't actually up for a while, so... maybe I could stick around a couple weeks longer. What do you think?" OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST! GRAMMY AWARD WINNER! FIRST MAN ON MARS! TIME MAGAZINE MAN OF THE YEAR! "Yeah, that'd be pretty cool." 2076 Yelling Bird gets Butts Disease! 2077 "Wow, did you get ANY sleep last night? (Not really. Padma was over.) Lucky you. Now go home and get some shuteye. (Nah, I'm good.) No, you're not. Go home and go to bed. (I've pulled all-nighters before...) Okay, first of all, you're not actually scheduled to work today. Second, you're not wearing any pants." (Either it was a waking dream or he lost them on the way over...) 2078 Dora heard about Marten's "new lady"; "I'm not gonna bite your head off because you're kissing some other girl now... I'm just curious about your new lady. What's she like? Is she nice? (She's, uh, she's pretty nice, yeah.) Must be, if she kept you up all night." (How do you know I was – ) [Points down at Marten's lack of pants – and striped boxers!] #### IT 2079 Marten explains the situation; Raven: "Oh noes!" "I'm just gonna live n the moment and enjoy it while it lasts, y'know?" Dora (meaningful eye roll) "Right... (Marten heads out) Oh, he is so screwed." Raven: "For the next couple weeks, anyway." [SPECIALS: bone marrow scones, bone marrow latte, BONE MARROW] 2080 Elliot! Bro fist of DOOOOMM.... "High five!" 2081 "I wasn't going to punch you! I wanted to congratulate you for, uh, getting together with Padma. (You did?) I'm happy for you guys! (You are?) Of course! Why wouldn't I be? (You had a thing for her for so long...) I told you I was over it. Why would I say that if it weren't true? (I – I dunno...)" BAP! "You ought to expect better of people. It encourages you to be a better person yourself. Also, maybe put some pants on." 2082 Marten returns home – to a pensive Faye on the couch. "Something wrong?" "Angus loves me. He LOVES me. And I love him. And I was trying to pin down WHY I love him. He's funny, he's smart, he can stand up to me... But deep down, what if the main reason I love him is that it means I'm not alone? Is that enough?" [No punch line...] 2083 Marten: "Is there really a right or wrong reason to love someone?" Faye: "I don't know. I feel like there is." "I always thought just loving someone was enough. It didn't matter WHY you loved them, as long as you did." "But if you don't love them for the right reason, it might not last." [BUTTS DISEASE on the FRIDGE! The cookie stash moved to the cupboard!] "What would be a 'wrong reason' to love someone?" Both racist in the same way.. or murders... or cults. Their racist murdercult. (I think those are in a slightly different league than your situation.) 2084 "I dunno. Maybe I'm just looking for problems where there aren't any." (...Are you happy that you're with ANGUS, or would ANYBODY make you feel like you're not alone?) (Munch and pause) "I... I think it's Angus specifically. I mean, when I'm not totally second-guessing myself." (Then you're fine... what's wrong now?) "Now that I feel better, I can't justify eating this entire bag of cookies." (Pass 'em over. I'll help.) 2085 Momo does some reading on AI rights; "After all, we created them. The least we could do is invite them to the party, and perhaps offer them some champagne..." I LOVE HUMANITY SO MUCH (I am trying to catch Entei) 2086 YELLING BIRD & SWEETTITS INTERLUDE: On the beach of a deserted island? 2087 YELLING BIRD & SWEETTITS INTERLUDE: Last thing she remembered was kidnapping that Japanese businessman; hijacking the aircraft carrier, trying to suffocate the president – and SOMEone couldn't fly the space shuttle! (I am never drinking tequila again.) 2088 YELLING BIRD & SWEETTITS INTERLUDE: A bottle of Hobo Juice contains... RANDY! (That's it, I'm throwing myself into the volcano. "RACE YOU") 2089 YELLING BIRD & SWEETTITS INTERLUDE: Randy: "I can get us all off this island! Just hold on to my paw! EMBRACE ETERNITY... Welcome home! I'm Randy!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 2090 YELLING BIRD & SWEETTITS INTERLUDE: Slaves to a demon bandicoot for the rest of eternity... or are we? "You've been home the whole time! I forgot to tell you! Bandicoot Teleportation can cause terrifying hallucinations!" (and the pile of skulls? "Oh, those are mine." THE NEIGHBORS ARE CATAMITES 2091 "Why couldn't I have met you a year ago?" "Hahah, well, you probably wouldn't have liked me. I was way whinier then." (And that made things 100x worse, and Marten has NO IDEA.) 2092 Cookie-time! "Cookie time is cancelled." How come? "We were short an egg, so Marigold went to the store..."(@PizzazHaderach cameo!) "...and she got too embarrassed and ran out." (YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO SUBDIVIDE) 2093 Marty calls Padma... "Oh, you're still tired? Haha, okay. Yeah, Friday sounds good. See you then." FLOP onto couch... FOREBODE FOREBODE descendeth... "What? No! Stop that! Go away!" 2094 Marten thinking of Padma! Around town, at the library, playing guitar, disarming Pintsize's bomb (dat @$$!), at home... RING! "Hey, what's up?... O-oh, okay. No, it's cool. I'll see you, uh, some other time then." BOOOOM! 2095 Face down on the couch. Faye: "I thought you were goin' out with Padma tonight." Marten: "She cancelled. Said she was 'feeling down' and 'wouldn't be any fun to hang out with.'... I'm just worried I did something wrong, or... something." "Don't worry about it. She probably just has the $#!+$... (Thanks, Faye) I'm serious! Like, last week I accidentally drank some expired milk before I went out with Angus. I only saw a third of the movie and he had to sleep on the couch." THANKS, FAYE 2096 Tai has something for Momo! "Ta da! Your very first paycheck!" Surprise! Shaking! RIP "AAA! AAAAAAA!!!" "It's okay! It's okay! I can just print another!" 2097 Angus: "...And that's why I was sleepin' on the couch." Marigold: "Gross." "Wow, someone went shopping." Momo: "I received my first paycheck! So I bought myself some new clothes, and a new pair of work shoes, and a copy of Ika Hime Harem Fighter 3 for you, Marigold!" Mar: "I thought you were gonna use your money to pay me back for that chassis." (pause for a moment of angst) "Whatever. I call Ika Hime!" "I will play as Bosom Sultan!" (I feel like this is a metaphor for something. American consumerism, maybe?) 2098 Faye: "She STILL hasn't called you back? It's been like a week!" (I left her a couple messages, but she hasn't responded.) Dora: "Have you tried going over to the bakery and asking her?" (No, I don't wanna make it awkward, you know?...) "You're being too passive about this. Go over there and ask her what's up." (I'm not gonna be the creepy dude who follows a girl to work... If she wants to see me again, she'll call.) Faye: "It's like he's taken passivity to the next level. He's being AGGRESSIVELY passive." "I think you mean passive aggressive." 2099 RING. "Hey, Padma. It's been a while." (Yeah, sorry. I've been busy. Packing and stuff.) "Right" (Anyway, are you busy tonight? I'm... I'm leaving tomorrow, and I'd like to see you one last time.) (long, meaningful pause) "Yeah, actually, I am busy." (...Oh. Well, um...) "Have a safe trip." (R-right. Bye.) CLICK. "Why the f*** did I just do that?" 2100 "...Padma left today." (I thought she was stickin' around a while longer.) "Apparently not. She called last night and wanted to see me, but I told her I was busy." (Why the hell did you do that?!) "I dunno, I guess I'm just an @$$#0|3 or something. (pause – with the look of death from Faye) Aren't you going to disagree – " (You are an @$$#0|3.)
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