| abstract
| - (People who have succeeded in killing Edward Cullen: 1.
* Vault Boy (that cartoon guy from Fallout 3) 2.
* Gunther Hermann (+53 for his bodycount) 3.
* Dr. Cox 4.
* The janitor 5.
* Genocider Syo 6.
* Monokuma 7.
* Orihime Inoue (yeah, he's THAT weak) 8.
* Ted 9.
* Alex Day 10.
* Charlie McDonnell 11.
* Nerdfighters 12.
* All the other awesome people from YouTube 13.
* The Master 14.
* The Daleks 15.
* The Cybermen 16.
* Raiden from mortal kombat (Fried his ass into bacon) 17.
* An army of Ewoks (crushed him with tree trunks and rocks) 18.
* YO MAMA, UMBRIDGE! (thought he was a protein shake, falcon egg, or a rock) 19.
* Ryuk the Shinigami (for the apple) 20.
* Misa Amane (Light Yagami told her to) 21.
* Rem the Shinigami (Misa did it so she had to as well) 22.
* A random Hollow 23.
* Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru (Ed got in the way of the fight) 24.
* Inuyasha with Tetsusaiga (absorbed his power, but that brought Edtard back to life for some reason) 25.
* Iron Man in his old suit 26.
* Iron Man in his new suit 27.
* Commander Shepard 28.
* The rest of the crew of the Normandy SR-1 and SR-2 29.
* Haruhi Suzumiya 30.
* Ashiya Mizuki 31.
* Sano Izumi 32.
* Big Bang (Big Bang rocks tonight oh eh ohhh) 33.
* literature 34.
* Iggy 35.
* Larten Crepsley 36.
* Vur Horston 37.
* Butler 38.
* Holly Short 39.
* Foaly 40.
* Dan Bylsma 41.
* Kiki 42.
* Alice 43.
* The March Hare 44.
* A Vuvuzela 45.
* A Bouncy Ball 46.
* Alphaba 47.
* Katniss 48.
* Rue 49.
* Gale 50.
* Peeta 51.
* Arthur Dent 52.
* Meera Flame 53.
* Seba Nile 54.
* Paris Skye 55.
* Roronoa Zolo (Zoro) 56.
* Ryoma Echizen 57.
* Finn the Human Boy (MATHEMATICAL!) 58.
* Jake the Dog 59.
* The Ice King (for being even creepier than him) 60.
* M.Bison 61.
* Sam Puckett (he was watching her and Carly in their sleep) (See Bruce Lee) 62.
* MIKE F'ING HAGGAR (Twihards created another gang to appear in Metro City) 63.
* Cody Travers (See Mike Haggar) 64.
* Guy (Final Fight) (See Mike Haggar, but he then went on to hunt down the critic who greenlighted Twilight in the first place for he must be pure evil) 65.
* Albert Wesker 66.
* Chris Redfield 67.
* Jill Valentine 68.
* Barry Burton 69.
* Rebecca Chambers 70.
* Billy Coen 71.
* Claire Redfield 72.
* Leon S. Kennedy 73.
* Ada Wong 74.
* Sherry Birkin 75.
* William Birkin 76.
* Annette Birkin 77.
* Nicholai Ginovaef 78.
* Mikhail Viktor 79.
* The survivors from Resident Evil Outbreak 80.
* ater and Sadie Kane 81.
* THE GODDAMN BATMAN 82.
* LEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOY JENKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS 83.
* CHEEEEEEEEEEEEN! (Edward was being noisy) 84.
* Wendell Beanwater (kix'd his @$$) 85.
* Painis Cupcake (Ate him) 86.
* Dic Soupcan 87.
* Richard Mac'ntyre 88.
* Vewrath 89.
* Vewrath's Face 90.
* Every cell in Vewrath's body 91.
* Vewrath's tombstone 92.
* Pepperoni (He called him a chair) 93.
* Parco Folgore (Edward is mad gay) 94.
* Fawks Makkloud (Wolf technically killed him, he wouldn't let Fawks do it.) 95.
* Tourettes Guy (thought he was a bottle of salt.) 96.
* Richard (from Looking For Group) 97.
* The utau's 98.
* The cool face guy 99.
* everyone in "the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny" (see bruce lee,alucard,and Deidara,and multiply by 1,000) 100.
* An elite with a bean sword (gwarhg!) 101.
* A spartan with a bean sword (look above) 102.
* an elite with a gravity hammer (see above) 103.
* a spartan with a gravity hammer (see above,again) 104.
* a MOTHER F*CK*NG bungie police officer with a ban-hammer BETCH!(see here ) (sorry halo fans who pwnd edtard via throwing plasma grenades) 105.
* acarrot (he shoved it up his......nevermind) 106.
* a cucumber (see carrot) 107.
* The Jacob Black from Vampires suck 108.
* Jacob Black from Vampires suck but this time as a chihuahua 109.
* all the members of MOTHER F*CK*NG ORGANIZATION XIII!(turned him into a heartless and killed him,but they hated his nobody so they killed it a gave him a mega-elixer) 110.
* Roxas with Oblivion and Oath-Keeper (see Organization XIII and Bruce Lee) 111.
* Axel (see above) 112.
* Super Saiyan Jesus(see bruce lee) 113.
* Super Saiyan 2 Jesus (see bruce lee and alucard) 114.
* Super Saiyan 3 Jesus (see bruce lee and deidara) 115.
* Super Saiyan 4 Jesus (see alucard and deidara) 116.
* Super Saiyan 100 Jesus (see all on the entire list and multiply by 10000 117.
* Yakko, Wakko, and Dot (they actually just annoyed him to death) 118.
* The Brain, but Pinky screwed it up. NARF! 119.
* A Hunter (Got tired of his shit and Pwnt'. him) 120.
* My history teacher 121.
* 2 Girls with their 1 Cup 122.
* All of the Homunculi from Fullmetal Alchemist (anime and manga) 123.
* The Mad Hatter 124.
* The Red Queen 125.
* The White Queen 126.
* Winry Rockbell (hit him repeatedly with her screwdriver thinking he was Edward Elric) 127.
* Sora 128.
* Mickey 129.
* Goofy 130.
* Donald 131.
* The Doctor 132.
* All of The Doctor's Companions 133.
* All of The Doctor's Enemies 134.
* Voldemort aka the Dark Lord aka You-know-who aka Tom Riddle aka He-who-must not-be-named. 135.
* Technically Stephenie Meyer 136.
* Walkin' Dude (see alucard) 137.
* Trashcan Man (edward said people who start fires wet their pants) 138.
* Hancock (edward called him an asshole, see bruce lee, see alucard) 139.
* Thomas Raith 140.
* Karrin Murphy (with the Katana of Jesus, see Bruce Lee) 141.
* Korsgaard (see Korsgaard v. Twilight) 142.
* Smokey the Bear 143.
* My pet rat Mischa 144.
* Gaspard Ulliel 145.
* Hannibal Lecter (ate his liver with fava beans and a nice chianti) 146.
* A parked car hit him 147.
* Kakashi Hatake 148.
* Happy from Fairy Tail 149.
* Jareth the Goblin King (had dunked him head first into the Bog of Eternal Stench, only to have Edward suffocate... right before he had encountered Sarah, who made him reorder time...) 150.
* Zorc 151.
* Zuul Gozer 152.
* Kappa Mickey 153.
* Peppy (told him to do a barrel roll which caused him to lose control of the Arwing and crash into an asteroid) 154.
* An apple (hit him in the face, disfiguring him, and caused him to commit suicide) 155.
* King Kong 156.
* Godzilla 157.
* Santa Christ (Nostalgia Critic) 158.
* Super Saiyan Hitler From this fic that's better than Twilight...and the fic's bad 159.
* Twin clones of Hitler (from Superman At World's End) 160.
* My fish Jerrin 161.
* The Joker ("Why so sparkly?") 162.
* The Winchesters 163.
* Castiel 164.
* Prrrresident Nixon. With his jowls. ("Dammit, Henry, someone has to shut that little twerp up, and I don't care how. Looks like a fruit to me, and probably a goddamn Communist, too.") 165.
* Galen Marek 166.
* Every STAR WARS character (including the walking fucking teddy bears) 167.
* Sandy Cheeks(when he(along the rest of the Cullens and other vegetarian vampires) are tries to ate her only to have their Ass Kicked by Sandy before they all have any chances to took any bites out of her) 168.
* A stinkbug 169.
* a real vampire 170.
* Dumbledore's Army 171.
* A very mad polar bear 172.
* A pair of extra fuzzy neon socks! 173.
* Murdock and Face from the A-team (the REAL A-team not the f*cked up new movie version) 174.
* Starbuck, Boxie, and Muffet 175.
* Lestat and Louis (because God knows Louis needed something to burn, and Lestat had probably seen the movie) 176.
* Luna Lovegood (he told her nargles didn't exsist....) 177.
* Spongebob Squarepants 178.
* Marco Rossi 179.
* Claire Stanfield 180.
* Hanna Falk Cross 181.
* Tarma Roving 182.
* Conrad Achenleck (called him gay) 183.
* Gerard Way 184.
* Mike Way 185.
* Andrew Volpe 186.
* My cat 187.
* A {From PLL} 188.
* A mirror. 189.
* Hoppard the Gauntlet 190.
* Zazie the Beast 191.
* Caine the Longshot 192.
* Midvalley the Hornfreak 193.
* Legato Bluesummers (WITH HIS BADASS TELEKINESIS.) 194.
* Elindira the Crimson Nail. 195.
* Chapel the Evergreen 196.
* Klavier Gavin (and his amazing powers of sexiness and rock and roll.) 197.
* Maverick Hunter Zero 198.
* Kristoph Gavin. From behind. With a wine bottle. 199.
* Kuroneko-sama (the little black cat from Trigun) 200.
* Zoey Redbird and the rest of the House of Night cast 201.
* Metalman (and his hax Metal Blades) 202.
* Ren 203.
* Stimpy 204.
* Your face 205.
* The angry video game nerd 206.
* Alex Mercer(he also targets other Meyerpires to gets their powers, but he ends up sparkles) 207.
* The Grox(they exterminates Meyerpires and Meyerwolves) 208.
* Gordon Freeman(uses Gravity gun to stakes Edward Cullen and other meyerpires from distance and bludgeons Jacob and other meyerwolves with Crowbar that made of silver) 209.
* Father Alexander Anderson (I am a mediator of God. Messanger tae the divine punishment of Heaven. We will crush yoor unholy body and salt the earth with yoor dust. AMEN!) 210.
* Tyranids(consumes every single Meyerpires to gets their powers only to ends up sparkles) 211.
* Hiro Nakamura(everytime Edward Cullen and other Meyerpires fights back, he teleports like crazy and stabs them from Behind) 212.
* Dean Winchester (lopped his God Dammed sparkely head off!) 213.
* Sam Winchester (see Dean Winchester) 214.
* Chuck Noris (It should be obvious!!!!) 215.
* Castiel (. . . .just cus) 216.
* Satan (he had nothing better to do) 217.
* Gabriel (see Satan) 218.
* Young!Sam and Young!Dean (beat him to death with their toys) 219.
* spock (it defies logic) 220.
* otulissa (see spock) 221.
* alphonse elric (brother) 222.
* Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the Mane Six (She's mad that he practically ruined her name) 223.
* Lucy from Elfen Lied 224.
* Xehanort 225.
* Merry Nightmare 226.
* Claude Faustus 227.
* Alois Trancy 228.
* Ciel Phantomhive 229.
* Sebastian Michaelis 230.
* Enma Ai 231.
* Ichimoku Ren 232.
* Panty Anarchy 233.
* Stocking Anarchy 234.
* Prussia ( Axis Powers Hetalia) 235.
* Russia ( Axis Powers Hetalia) 236.
* Sheldon (from the big bang therey) 237.
* Judge Claude Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame) 238.
* Quasimodo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame) 239.
* Esmeralda (The Hunchback of Notre Dame) 240.
* Flynn Rider (Tangled) 241.
* Mother Gothel (Tangled) 242.
* Maximus (Tangled) 243.
* Rapunzel (Tangled, or any version for that matter) 244.
* Pascal (Tangled) 245.
* Firestar (Warriors) 246.
* Hollyleaf (Warriors) 247.
* Ashfur (Warriors) 248.
* Squirrelflight (Warriors) 249.
* GLaDOS (Turns out Meyerpires aren't immune to neurotoxin.) 250.
* Wheatley ("Holmes versus Moriarty, Edward versus MASHY SPIKE PLATE!") 251.
* Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter 252.
* Harry Potter 253.
* the Stardroids (and Sunstar). 254.
* The Gorillaz and their awesome effing music. 255.
* Murdoc from the Gorillaz...with a hipthrust.
* King Kong 256.
* The Combine (from Half-Life 2) 257.
* Master Chief (he can own edward in a flash!) 258.
* Jesus Christ (he is against vampirism and necrophilia) 259.
* The Creeper (from Minecraft) 260.
* Jackie Chan 261.
* Soap MacTavish (from Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2) 262.
* Hawke (Dragon Age 2) 263.
* James Rolfe (who is a big vampire fan) 264.
* Amuro Ray (Newtype powers overwhelmed Edward's sparkleness at the cost of his own life, and you thought pushing Axis back was awesome enough) 265.
* Bright Noa (BRIGHTSLAP BEATS EVERYTHING!!!) 266.
* Kamille Bidan (Rammed the Zeta into Mr. Cullen ala Paptimus-style) 267.
* Seabook Arno (Outsparkled Edward in the F91) 268.
* Roboute Guilliman (In a contest of who was more Mary Sue, the Primarch won out hands down. He then proceeded to give Edward a Sanguinius-style haircut after being revived.) 269.
* Ben (Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask) 270.
* Data ....While B4 watched. 271.
* Lore .......While B4 laughed 272.
* Logan Grimnar (Chapter Master of the Space Wolves Space Marines) 273.
* Justicar Alaric (Grey Knights Space Marines) 274.
* Silver ( from heart gold/ soulsilver games) 275.
* Lyra ( with her bare hands) 276.
* Red ( because he's Red. And can stand on a mountain for 3 years in a tee shirt.) 277.
* Green ( because hes Gary ****ing oaks game counter part. And he does the spiky hair look better than Disco ball Cullen) 278.
* Kagamine Rin. 279.
* Kagamine Len 280.
* Kasane Teto 281.
* Hatsune Miku 282.
* Me. 283.
* Any and all members of the Weasley family. 284.
* John Titor (he uses Time Machine to goes back in time and assassinates Smeyer before she has any chance to writes Twilight so Edward Cullen are simply never came to existence) 285.
* Wataru Kurenai as Kamen Rider Kiva 286.
* Tsukasa Kadoya as Kamen Rider Decade 287.
* Takeru Shiba 288.
* Imagin (Kamen Rider Den-O) 289.
* Fangire (Kamen Rider Kiva) 290.
* Worm (Kamen Rider Kabuto) 291.
* Taiga Nobori as Kamen Rider Dark Kiva 292.
* Tommy Oliver 293.
* Momotaros, Urataros, Kintaros, Ryutaros, Negataros, Teddy (see Imagin) 294.
* Yoshimori Sumimura (His cakes were insulted) 295.
* Gen Shishio 296.
* NiGHTS (Bitch stole his sparkles) 297.
* Bass/Forte.exe (With an earthbreaker to the face) 298.
* Serenade.exe 299.
* Rip Van Winkle (She tore him apart with her Bad-ass gun) 300.
* Crona (S/He doesn't know how to deal with fake vampires) 301.
* Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger 302.
* Captain Marvelous (see Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger) 303.
* Alex Louis Armstrong [THE ONLY MAN WHO IS ALLOWED TO SPARKLE] 304.
* A corgi 305.
* Three corgis 306.
* Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff 307.
* A swarm of corgis 308.
* The cast of Storm Hawks 309.
* One million corgis 310.
* Wheatley (as it turns out, sparklepires are not immune to SPINNY BLADE WALL.) Actually, Wheatley managed to kill Eddiekins twice, once with the spinny blade wall and once with the always-impressive mashy spike plate. It takes a moron to kill a moron I guess. 311.
* An infinite number of corgis swarming him from all directions 312.
* Everyone who's tired of my lame corgi jokes 313.
* Littleloserkid (With a wooden stake. Then, I stuffed garlic up his nostrils and ass :P) 314.
* Winnie the Pooh 315.
* The Angry Birds 316.
* Barney the Dinosaur 317.
* Princess Celestia 318.
* Tokio Hotel 319.
* Mark Zuckerberg 320.
* Derpy Hooves 321.
* Pyramid Head 322.
* Asura (Asura's Wrath) His rage proved too much for the stupid vampire wannabe. 323.
* The Dragonborn (Skyrim) 324.
* all of the characters from Team Fortress 2 325.
* Ezio Auditore (Assassin's Creed II) 326.
* Altair (Assassin's Creed) 327.
* Every dragon from Skyrim 328.
* a mudcrab 329.
* the Skyrim giant (he can bring him to space in seconds) 330.
* Space Core 331.
* Adolf Hitler 332.
* Joseph Stalin 333.
* the Communists 334.
* Pol Pot 335.
* the guard who took an arrow to the knee 336.
* George W. Bush 337.
* Hugo Chavez 338.
* The Courier (Fallout: New Vegas) 339.
* Ulfric Stormcloak and his army 340.
* Hosni Mubarak 341.
* Justin Bieber 342.
* Link (Legend of Zelda) 343.
* Raistlin Majere 344.
* Saxton Hale 345.
* Every user on this wiki 346.
* Cedric Diggory 347.
* Naruto 348.
* SAXTON HALE 349.
* Every single character in Higurashi no Naku Koro ni. 350.
* All of the witches in Umineko no Naku Koro ni 351.
* The Avengers. 'Nough said. 352.
* Superman 353.
* A two month old baby. 354.
* Allen Walker (D.Gray-Man) 355.
* Bugs Bunny 356.
* Shakespeare. 357.
* Captain Gantu (Lilo & Stitch) 358.
* Kitsune, Sninichi, Misao (Vampire Diaries novels. LOL, they would literally pwn him XD) 359.
* Mr Trololo 360.
* Aoba Seragaki (He used SCRAP on him and destroyed his mind, leaving him in a comatose-like state, then killed him) 361.
* Ren (In his DRAMAtical Murder re:connect bad ending, let him get Edturd.) 362.
* Koujaku (He tried to eat Beni, pissed off Koujaku by teasing him for his awesome kimono, tried to hit on and kill Aoba, and Koujaku decapitated him in one swipe of his sword) 363.
* Bigby Wolf (he was actually the fairy godmother from Cinderella) 364.
* Cookie the Pixie (and man)-eating Afroamerican Guinea Pig (pet of a fellow Frozen Apples member) 365.
* Hiei (YuYu Hakusho) 366.
* Hatty Hattington (hat laser.) 367.
* Hunter the Vampirecat 368.
* Professor Layton (and he only beat him with his hat) 369.
* TaffyFrost's cats, Oreo and Olga 370.
* Good Cop (from the Lego Movie.) 371.
* Mink (It's not even a fight; he just looks at him and Fatality by Mink happens) 372.
* Santa Christ 373.
* Rita Repulsa 374.
* Freddy Fazbear 375.
* Bonnie the Bunny 376.
* Chica The Chicken 377.
* Foxy the Pirate-Fox 378.
* Shrek (from Shrek is love, Shrek is life) 379.
* Jonathan McIntosh and Buffy the Vampire Slayer 380.
* Abraham Van Helsing 381.
* Solomon Kane 382.
* Thomas Hutter 383.
* Jonathan Harker 384.
* Blade (Marvel) 385.
* Toriel 386.
* Asgore Dreemurr 387.
* Sans 388.
* Papyrus 389.
* Undyne 390.
* Alphys (Yes, even SHE can kill him) 391.
* Mettaton 392.
* Flowey/Asriel Dreemurr 393.
* Dante (DMC) 394.
* Vergil (DMC) 395.
* Nero (DMC) 396.
* Loptr (Bayonetta 2) 397.
* Father Balder (Bayonetta) 398.
* Jubileus (Bayonetta) 399.
* Bayonetta 400.
* Jeanne 401.
* Sparda 402.
* Accelerator 403.
* Sosuke Aizen 404.
* Yhwach 405.
* Kenpachi Zaraki 406.
* Trish (DMC) 407.
* Mundus, the Devil Emperor (DMC) Let the Meyerpires feel the wrath of the devil himself. 408.
* Argosax (DMC) 409.
* Abigail (DMC) 410.
* Queen Sheba 411.
* Aesir (Bayonetta) 412.
* Rodin (Bayonetta) 413.
* Dio Brando (JJBA) 414.
* Jotaro Kujo (JJBA) 415.
* Joseph Joestar (JJBA) Next you'll say "Your pathetic Hermit Purple and Hamon don't stand a chance against me," now. And then he strangles Edward with Hermit Purple, pumps him full of Hamon and Overdrives him in the neck. 416.
* Giorno Giovanna (JJBA) With Gold Experience Requiem, he practically kills any sparklepire by trapping it in a loop; ask Diavolo what that's like. 417.
* Roman Torchwick (RWBY) 418.
* Dracula (Castlevania) 419.
* Senator Armstrong (MGRR) Nanomachines son! They grind candy ass sparkly fairies like you into dust. 420.
* Raiden (MGRR) 421.
* Sundowner (MGRR) 422.
* Jetstream Sam (MGRR) 423.
* Monsoon (MGRR) 424.
* Mistral (MGRR) 425.
* Bladewolf (MGRR) 426.
* Liquid Ocelot in his Metal Gear RAY (MGS4) 427.
* Any Metal Gears from the Metal Gear series. A sparklepire would be demolished by those hulking armored robots with firepower and strength to wipe out armies. 428.
* Solid Snake 429.
* Lord Boros (One Punch Man) 430.
* Saitama (One Punch Man) 431.
* Genos (One Punch Man) 432.
* Any S Class and A Class hero (One Punch Man) 433.
* Any One punch Man villain. 434.
* Grimmjow (Bleach) 435.
* Ulquiorra (Bleach) 436.
* Barragan (Bleach) 437.
* Any Espada (Bleach) 437. Momomi Momoi(Mezzo Forte), and her father, Momokichi! 438. Sawa(Kite & Kite Liberator) 439. Shinya Kogami (Psycho-Pass) 440. Izaya Orihara (Durarara!!) 441. Gintoki Sakata (Gintama) 442. Kotaro Amon (Tokyo Ghoul) 443. Ken Kaneki (Tokyo Ghoul) 444. Shu Tsukiyama (Tokyo Ghoul) 445. The Crystal Gems (because they will ALWAYS save the day) 446. Nikola Tesla (no sparkly emo can withstand the power of SCIENCE!!!) 447. The Ghostbusters ('cuz killing abusive stalkers makes them feel Good!) 448. The Suicide Squad (okay, actually Captain Whiny-Pants killed himself after Harley Quinn refused to go out with him. Then Captain Boomerang stole his wallet and Deadshot put a few bullets in Eddy's head just to make sure he stayed down.) 449. Teddy Roosevelt. ("WHAT'S UP, BITCHES?!?") 450. Winston Churchill ("I beat Hitler; I can sure as hell stand up to a bloody pixie like you!")
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