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| - CJ: Six. One, two, three, four, five, six. Coyote Flats. I'd like to buy a mine. Eileen: In the mine, you find...gold! CJ: Yes! Mordecai: Aaaaawww... Eileen: (Flips over the card) Foolsgold! CJ: Aw, man. Mordecai, Rigby, and Eileen: Ooooooohhhhh! Eileen: The scientific name for foolsgold is pyrite. Mordecai: My turn. (Rolls the dice) C'mon, Papa needs a brand new pickaxe! Benson: Are you gonna take care of this mail? It's been stacked up by the door for weeks. Rigby: We get mail? (Turns to Mordecai) Did you know this? Benson: Get it outta there! (He drops the mail) Do it or you're fired! Eileen. Dodgeball girl. (He leaves) Rigby: Aw, yeah! My order from Trophy Discounters! Mordecai: (Looks at one of the letters) Couple Corral? CJ: What? Eileen: You're still subscribed to that dating site? Rigby: Dude, you're not single. CJ: Uh, yeah. (She elbows Mordecai playfully) I deleted my profile. Mordecai: Hey, I forgot, alright? Okay, everybody watch. Voice: Delete profile? Mordecai: See, it's being deleted, right? Voice: Are you sure, pardner? Mordecai: (Annoyed) Yes! Voice: Did you mean to press "No"? Mordecai: Hold on. Eileen: So how long have you two been together? CJ: Hmm. We've been hanging out for a month now. Rigby: "Hanging out"? "Hanging out"?! Eileen: Sounds pretty casual, guys. I mean, have you ever been on a nice, romantic date? Mordecai: This is a date. Eileen: This is game night, Mordecai. I mean a real date. Mordecai and CJ: A real date? CJ: Does that time we had all-you-can-eat crab at Seafood Sal's count? Rigby and Eileen: No. CJ: Oh my gosh. Mordecai: I'm gonna make reservations at a nice restaurant. CJ: I'm gonna buy a new outfit. Mordecai: Saturday at seven? CJ: Saturday at seven. Rigby: Hello? Game night? Mordecai: Dude, Rigby, you got a second? I want to show you what I bought for CJ. Rigby: (He puts down the game controller) Okay, what do you got? Rigby: What is this? What am I looking at? Mordecai: It's a charm bracelet. There's a different charm for all the stuff CJ and I did the first time we met. (He points to each individual charm) There's a little roller skate and a grilled cheese and an air hockey mallet. Rigby: Wow, Mordecai! This is the kind of thing that pros get their girlfriends. Mordecai: Right? I'm just not sure how to give it to her, though. Rigby: Here's an idea. How about if you say you have something for her, and then you give it to her! (He hands the box to Mordecai) Classic gift-giving technique, bro. Mordecai: No, dude. I've gotta do it in some way that's really special. Benson: What's this? Mordecai: It looks like- Benson: No, no, I'll tell you. It's the stack of junk mail I asked you to take care of yesterday! Mordecai: But we threw that out! Benson: Really? You threw this mail that I found not in the trash into the trash? Mordecai: Wait. This is new junk mail. And it's all from Couple Corral. Man, what is it with these guys? Hey, Benson, do you have any ideas for a romantic way to give a gift to a girl? Benson: Well... I've always thought it would be nice to have a waiter serve a gift box in place of dessert. Rigby: Look at you, Benson! How are you still single? Mordecai: Yeah; that idea's genius. Benson: (Shrugs) I'm just spitballing here. Mordecai: Well, thanks for the tip, Benson. I'm gonna go call the restaurant right now. Eileen: So, big date's tonight, huh? CJ: Yeah. Eileen: What kind of place are we talking? Is this an oyster/crackers or a warm rolls establishment? CJ: I think they might charge extra for bread. Eileen: Ooh, romantic. (Puts the coffee pot down) So what's your "hes"? CJ: I'm just not sure it's gonna be enough. This night has to be amazing, you know? CJ and Eileen: Hmm... CJ: Maybe I can get a special dessert for Mordecai. Eileen: Yeah! What does he like? CJ: Waffles, chocolate... Eileen: There's a new pastry shop downtown that specializes in chocolate-covered waffle cakes. CJ: That's perfect! I'll take him there for dessert to surprise him. Eileen: You just gotta make sure not to fill up on bread at dinner. CJ: Could this get any more romantic? Mordecai: Oh, well... maybe. (Sips water from a glass) Concierge: You have a call at the front. Mordecai: (He shrugs and rises out of his seat) To be continued. Mordecai: Hello? Matchmaker McIntyre: Matchmaker McIntyre here, CEO of Couple Corral. This is not a recording. Mordecai: Uh, hi? McIntyre: We noticed earlier you deleted your profile. So sad to see ya go. We really appreciate your business, so I'm beggin' ya to rejoin. Mordecai: (Talking over McIntyre's voice) Hello? Hello? McIntyre: If you come back to us today, you'll get free romantic coupons. To rejoin, say "yee-haw!" To cancel, say "adios". Mordecai: Adios! Adios! Mordecai: Aah! McIntyre: Told ya I wasn't a recording! What do ya mean "adios", pardner? Mordecai: Uh, I don't need Couple Corral anymore. I'm in a relationship now, so... McIntyre: Here's what I'm thinkin'. Break up with CJ. Mordecai: (Angrily) Excuse me? McIntyre: Break up with her and rejoin my site! (Wraps an arm around Mordecai) Couple Corral could help you find somebody better. Mordecai: Dude, I'm happy with CJ. McIntyre: Will you be though after we dredge through her profile? (Takes out his phone) Okay, let's see what we dig up here. Mordecai: Isn't keeping her information, like, really illegal? McIntyre: You'd think. (He stops on a photo of goth CJ) Whoa! How do you expect her to be committed to you when this girl can't even commit to a hairstyle? Mordecai: (Shoves McIntyre away) So? I like CJ. Now leave me alone. CJ: Hi, L'Wafflerie? I just wanted to check and see if the waffle cake I ordered is ready. Mordecai: Unbelievable! CJ, when you deleted your Couple Corral profile, did its CEO come to you in person and tell you to break up with me? CJ: (Confused) No. Mordecai: Ugh. Let's just enjoy dinner. Mordecai: Man, that steak was off the hook! CJ: Yeah, this was so good. Mordecai: Ready for dessert? (Snaps his fingers) Garcon! CJ: You know what? Let's skip dessert. Mordecai: What? CJ: Uh, I... (She stands up) ...gotta go to the bathroom. Excuse me. Mordecai: Uh... McIntyre: Hey, Mordecai! Wanna meet a girl that doesn't have to go to the bathroom? Call me! Mordecai: Hey, I'll catch up. Gotta tie my shoe real quick. CJ: I can wait. Mordecai: No! Uh... it's better if I have privacy. CJ: (Confused) Uh... okay. Rigby: Talk to Rig. Mordecai: Dude, the dessert plan failed. Rigby: Whaaaat? Mordecai: I need you to pick up the bracelet at the restaurant and bring it to the Koffee Kiosk in the square. Rigby: I'm on it. Mordecai: Sorry about that. I just wanted to try out this new knot. CJ: Okay. Mordecai: Do you mind actually if we cut over to Main Street? CJ: Well... (Stuttering) CJ: It's just that... Well, I was kinda hoping we could stay on this block. Mordecai: Really? But Main Street's so much more romantic. CJ: Um, hello? Dry cleaners, notary publics as far as the eye can see? This is where it's at. Mordecai: Race you to the square! CJ: Huh? No! Eileen: Hey, what's up? CJ: Waffle plan's been jacked. I need backup. Eileen: Copy that. What do I do? CJ: I need you to pick up the waffle cake and meet me by the big fountain in town square. Eileen: I'm on it. CJ: You're pretty fast, Mordecai. Mordecai: Huh? CJ: Not fast enough! CJ: Woo-hoo! I win! Mordecai: (Out of breath) That's not fair. You exercise. Let me just get a cup of coffee. Then I bet I can outrun you. CJ: (She elbows Mordecai) Face it, dude. You lost. Come on. (She takes Mordecai by the hand) Let's go make a wish in the fountain. You can wish to be faster at running. Rigby: Dude! Mordecai: Okay, here I go. (closes his eyes) I wish... for a cute girlfriend who likes me back. McIntyre: Dump Cloudy Jay! CJ: Is he watching us? Mordecai: Let's get out of here. Rigby: Argh! Come on, dude! Stick to the plan! Eileen: Rigby? Rigby: Eileen? What are you doing here? Are you gonna eat that by yourself? Eileen: (Shaking her head) I'm doing a favor for CJ. Did you... buy jewelry? Rigby: Ugh. No. I'm doing a favor for Mordecai. Eileen: Wait... Mordecai: I think we're safe. You want a coffee? CJ: I'm good. You? Mordecai: Nah. Mordecai: I think I left something at the fountain. CJ: Uh, I'm gonna use the bathroom. Mordecai: Rigby! CJ: Eileen! Rigby and Eileen: New plan. Rigby: Come to the pier by the waterfront. Eileen: You can get your present there. Rigby and Eileen: Over and out. Mordecai and CJ: Let's go to the waterfront. Mordecai: Well, here we are at the waterfront. CJ: Yup. All sorts of surprising, romantic stuff happens here. Mordecai and CJ: Whoa. Mordecai and CJ: For me? So that's why you were acting all... And that's why you made all those... Mordecai: Excuses. CJ: Tying your shoe? Mordecai: Going to the bathroom. I was calling Rigby. CJ: I was calling Eileen! Mordecai: I'm sorry this wasn't more romantic. CJ: This is the most romantic date I've ever been on. Mordecai: (He goes wide-eyed) Really? Mordecai: Something hit the pier! McIntyre: Last chance, Mordecai! Break up with her! Mordecai: Dude, what's your deal?! Aren't we the point of your site? Shouldn't you want us to stay together? McIntyre: (He sighs and shakes his head) Whoever here knows how to run a website, raise their hand. (He raises his hand) Happy couples don't use Couple Corral; lonely people do! Lonely people lead to subscribers. Subscribers lead to more clicks. More clicks somehow lead to millions of dollars. Millions of dollars lead to sweet corporate-branded stuff. See?! (He gestures to his blimp and begins to sob) My site's too good! There's nobody left! Happy couples have been leavin' in droves! I'm bankrupt! CJ: Dude, just sell your stuff! McIntyre: No! My crooked lawyer told me this is the only way! Break up with her! Mordecai: No way! We're really into each other! McIntyre: If you won't break up with her... (Takes out a bazooka) ...I'll do it for ya. Let me introduce you to the Couple Corral "Breakup-ulator". Mordecai: Look out! CJ: Mordecai! McIntyre: Well, darn. That didn't work out like I wanted it to. CJ! Rejoin my site? McIntyre: Uh-oh. CJ: NO!!! CJ: LEAVE... US... ALONE!!! McIntyre: Hubris! CJ: (Sobbing) Mordecai... Mordecai... Mordecai... No!!! CJ: (Gasp) Mordecai?! (they hugged each other) I thought you were dead! Mordecai: (He sits upright) I would be... if not for this gift box. I hope you like it. Mordecai: There's a different charm for- (Looks at the new bracelet) Whoa! Well, there used to be different charms. I guess they must've all gotten welded into a heart by the bazooka blast. CJ: I love it. Mordecai: I thought that you would. CJ: I guess the thing I had for you must've exploded. Mordecai: That's okay. I got my wish. CJ: What, that you can run faster than me? Mordecai: No, for a cute girlfriend that likes- Rigby: (Gasp) Is this waffles and a cake and chocolate? Eileen: Yeah. Rigby: I love it. Eileen: I thought that you would.
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