About: DOHS Anti-Terrorism Regulations

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Here at the Department of Homeland Security, our number one concern is your safety. However, recent surveys indicate that you, the average American, are not satisfied with our efforts. Notable complaints include "What has the DOHS done for me lately?" and "I can't get laid because Homeland Security is keeping me down." First of all, chicks won't talk to you because you're hideous. Seriously, you make Chad Kruger look like a supermodel. Secondly, you're right. We've been too busy using our robots to blow up 'suspicious packages' that we've neglected to provide quality feedback to Americans.

Attributes	Values
rdfs:label	DOHS Anti-Terrorism Regulations
rdfs:comment	Here at the Department of Homeland Security, our number one concern is your safety. However, recent surveys indicate that you, the average American, are not satisfied with our efforts. Notable complaints include "What has the DOHS done for me lately?" and "I can't get laid because Homeland Security is keeping me down." First of all, chicks won't talk to you because you're hideous. Seriously, you make Chad Kruger look like a supermodel. Secondly, you're right. We've been too busy using our robots to blow up 'suspicious packages' that we've neglected to provide quality feedback to Americans.
dcterms:subject	Education in the United States Articles written in the first person Quantum Physics Things that invoke feelings of doom Government in the United States Law enforcement in the United States War on Terra
dbkwik:uncyclopedi...iPageUsesTemplate	dbkwik:resource/-p1WJwBKpIZ6kc-pxCk3rQ==
Revision	2387395(xsd:integer)
Date	2007-09-19(xsd:date)
abstract	Here at the Department of Homeland Security, our number one concern is your safety. However, recent surveys indicate that you, the average American, are not satisfied with our efforts. Notable complaints include "What has the DOHS done for me lately?" and "I can't get laid because Homeland Security is keeping me down." First of all, chicks won't talk to you because you're hideous. Seriously, you make Chad Kruger look like a supermodel. Secondly, you're right. We've been too busy using our robots to blow up 'suspicious packages' that we've neglected to provide quality feedback to Americans. Well, here's what we've been working on. At the DOHS, we understand that the typically educated American becomes, at best, totally fucking lost when thumbing through one of our simple 3,000-page safety instruction pamphlets. Accordingly, we have collaborated with popular child experts to produce an easy-to-understand set of instructions (verbal and visual) that will help you survive an imminent or occurring terrorist attack. By keeping these basic rules in mind, scientists agree that your chances of remaining medically alive after a terror-related event increase up to 4%.

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