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| - We fade in to a close up of a balloon that Tommy was playing. The camera zooms out and Tommy continues playing with the balloon until it slips out of his grasp and bounces on the ceiling and finally gets itself wedged under the coffee table where Stu was reading the newspaper which it reads: "Football Frenzy". Tommy walks to grab it, but before he got to the balloon, he bumps his head on the table's edge, causing him to falls down. Tommy comes to and then suddenly starts crying. Stu puts down the newspaper in alarm when he hears Tommy crying and Didi walks in. Didi: What happened? What happened? Stu: Huh? Gee, I don't know, honey -- he was just fine a minute ago. Didi: [She picks Tommy up who stops crying.] Oh, no! Stu, look at that gigantic bruise! Stu: Didi, he probably just bumped his head trying to get that balloon. Didi: Stu, are you blaming Tommy's concussion on the balloon? Stu: Concussion? Didi: It's not the balloon's fault, Stu. Oh, how can Betty and I trust you dads with the babies during the game this afternoon? You won't watch them at all. Stu: Of course we will! Didi: Don't be silly. After kickoff all you boys will be thinking about is guzzling soda and gobbling pork rinds. Stu: (giving referee's "time out" signal) Whoa, time out, Didi! I haven't had pork rinds in years. Didi: Maybe I should just stay home. This place is an accident waiting to happen. Stu: Didi, he won't hurt himself again. I promise. Didi: Well... maybe you're right. Grandpa: You're gonna what? Stu: I'm gonna invent something that'll keep Tommy from hurting himself, Pop. Grandpa: You can't keep a baby from hurtin' hisself! Why, when I was a sprat, I used to crawl through Ma's cactus garden, huntin' for horny toads. Stu: (skeptical) Horny toads, Pop? Grandpa: That's what I said! And all I had on was my birthday suit! What're you gonna do, put Tommy in a bubble? Stu: Well, if I don't think of something, we dads are gonna have to take turns looking after the kids. That means watching the game in shifts. Grandpa: (surprised) Shifts? Well, let's get busy, then! Stu: (amazed) Pop! That's it! Look! Protective head gear! Grandpa: Huh? Drew: Drew. Stu: Drew? Stu. Drew: Stu? Stu: Right, Drew. Listen, I think I've solved this baby sitting thing. Get a hold of all the other dads and tell'em the game is still on. And Drew? Drew: Yeah, Stu? Stu: This is top secret. Stu: Oh Didi! We've got something to show you! Didi: What's going on? Stu: Didi, you and Betty may go to the mall WITHOUT FEAR. Didi: We can? Stu: That's right. Because Tommy is now virtually UNBRUISABLE. Didi: He is? Stu: Yeah! Here, I'll show you. Didi: What on earth is it, Stu? Stu: Presenting the Bonkomatic Baby Bumper. Didi: The bonka-whosit baby what? Stu: The Bonkomatic Baby Bumper offers complete cranial suspension, protection from the 1001 hazards of the average American hosuehold, the absolute freedom of movement, and best of all, a worry-free day of shopping for mom. Didi: Oh, I don't know, Stu. Are you sure it will work? Stu: Deed, it's guaranteed. Didi: Well... all right. Didi: Betty and I will be back in a few hours. Bye-bye! Grandpa & Stu: Yes! Phil: What's it for, anyway? Lil: Yeah, what's it for? Tommy: I think it's to keep my fact from gettin' out. Grandpa: Halt! Who goes there? Drew: Hi, Pop. Grandpa: What's the password? Drew: Pork rinds? Grandpa: Bingo! Stu: Hey, Charles. Great! You brought the big-screen TV! Oooh! In Surround-A-Thon stereo! Chaz: I dunno, Stu... maybe this football game isn't such a good idea. Wouldn't you rather watch the chess play-offs on The Culture Channel? Stu: Gee, I don't know. Whadda you think, guys? Angelica: What's that stupid thing you got on your head? Stu: Guys, now that you're here, I can show everyone. Here it is, the answer to all our parenting problems -- the Bonkomatic Baby Bumper. Guys, we're talking complete cranial protection here. Baby gets to play, dad gets to go about his business and voila! No more worried moms. And best of all, each kid gets one! Grandpa, Drew & Howard: Yes! Chick: Hello again everybody, and welcome to our coverage of football's big event -- The Ultra Bowl. I'm Chick Hearn, coming to you live from the Lone Star State with my good friend, Hank Duff. Hank: Hi folks. Chick: Hank, how's it feel to be back on your home turf? Hank: Feels great, Chick. Stu & Grandpa: Come on, Houston! Drew & Howard: Go get'em Dallas! Chaz: Actually, both teams have their strong points... Tommy: Chuckie, you in there? Chuckie: I Think so. Angelica: I can't believe your dad made me wear this dumb baby helmet. Tommy: They're not dumb, Angelica; they're really neat. Phil & Lil: Yeah! Phil: And look at this! Chuckie: Wow! Tommy: Come on, Chuckie; let's do it! Angelica: I learned this in ballet class! Grandpa: Yep! Back at Minnesota State, they called me The Galloping... uh... The Galloping... Drew: ...Geezer? Grandpa: Very funny! I was the Galloping -- hey, we out of pork rinds already? Stu: There's more in the kitchen, Pop. Hey, would'ya give the kids their bottles while you're up? (to the guys) Galloping Geezer! Grandpa: Okay, sprouts! Milk break! (hands milk bottles to each Rugrat) Here ya go, Phil; and here's one for you Lil; and this one's for ol' Chuickie! And here's one for my little princess! Angelica: Bottles are for babies, Grandpa. I'm not a baby! Grandpa: I plum forgot! (gives a bottle of chocolate milk to Tommy) I fixed up something special for you, scout! Angelica: Drinky little baba, baby-boo? Tommy: Wow! It's chocolate milk! Phil & Lil: Chocolate milk! Angelica: Chocolate milk! Gimme that bottle! Tommy: No! It's mine! Angelica: I said give it! Tommy: Uh-uh! Angelica: Gimme that chocolate milk! Gimme that bottle! Chick: It's Sebastini with the draw play. Hank: Oooh, nowhere to go, Chick. Chick: But he squirts through to pick up seven yards before he's finally dragged down from behind. Hank: Nice second effort there, Chick. Chick: Thanks, Hank. Dallas falls second and three at their own 18 yard line. Grandpa: Second and who? Other guys: Three! Grandpa: Turn it up, Stu; my ear's on the fritz. Chick: Here's the snap. Dawkin's dropping back to throw but the pocket collapses around him. He's trapped in the back field. Big Bubba Nogursky breaks through. Hank: Oh, Bubba. Looks like a sack for sure, Chick. Chick: But wait! Kincaid is wide open at the line of scrimmage! Dawkins gets the ball off just as Bubba crashes him to the ground! Drew: Wow! What a shovel pass. Stu: Sheer luck. Chick: Here comes a draw play up the middle, but Nogursky is there and he grabs Kincaid around the knees. Whoa, a fumble! Loose ball! Hank: Boy, what's going on down there, Chick? This guy moves like nobody in the league! Chick: But wait! DiAngelo dives on it! What a break for Dallas! Hank: He came out of nowhere, Chick. Chick: And believe me, he doesn't wanna give up that ball. Dallas ball, first and 10 and the 11-yard line. What? The Statue of Liberty play! How long's it been since we've seen that one? Grandpa: Not since Minnesota state, young fella! Tommy: Hey Lil! Over here! Chuckie: Get it, Tommy! Chick: Look at this, Hank. They're playing backyard football with this explosive Houston team! Not a prudent thing to do here in the House of Pain. Uh-oh, Dawkins is tripped up by his own man, the line coming at him. Chick: Dawkins under severe pressure; he hesitates, he pump fakes the ball and he looks to Kincaid. He throws the bomb. It's intercepted, Hank! Hank: Wow! Norgursky made an all-pro move on this one, Chick. Let's take another look. Hank: Mud everywhere, Chick. Chick: What a mess, Hank. We'll be back with more Ultra Bowl coverage after these important messages. Angelica: It's empty! Didi: [off-screen] Angelica Pickles! What in the world is going on here? Angelica: Huh? Guys: Huh? Guys: Uh oh. Didi: (angrily) What are the kids covered with, and what are those horrible stains all over my living room? Betty: I don't know, Deed; looks like chocolate milk. Didi: Chocolate milk? Didi: Who was watching her when this happened? Chaz: I told you we should have watched the chess tournament. Angelica: Eww! Yuck! Ick! Get'im off of me! Other Rugrats: Allright!
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