| abstract
| - Trying to stay awake, I spent the night watching the video tape of my ranting about the routing table and altered video data from the computer net at work. I spent hours wondering who could have stolen the missing tape. I knew that logically I was the only suspect. As the night dragged on, I was at times inflicted with extremes of hunger and thirst. I had several of the "panic attacks" with sweating and severe anxiety that I now associated with attempts to think about specific topics such as the fact that "Janek" seemed to live inside our server array rather than in Europe. What could that mean? I wondered: why would someone want us to think we were dealing with a person rather than a sophisticated piece of software? Was this all part of Dr. Gajduskova's effort to keep secret the amazing powers of her software until patent protection was assured? If so, did Geisler know what was going on? That might account for his mysterious wink, but only if Geisler knew that I had discovered the "Janek secret". For a fact, I was having trouble remembering what I had told Geisler myself and there was always the chance that Chloe had told Geisler about my claims...claims that I had been unable to verify now that the data in the routing tables had been altered. I started wondering if Chloe was well aware what was going on and had been instructed to keep myself and her other team members in the dark. Could Chloe have taken the missing video tape? Could she have altered the routing table data after I had discovered the unusual data path leading to "Janek"? Maybe I was my own worst enemy. Chloe knew I was infatuated with her. Had she selected me to be on her project team because she knew I would not question or challenge her? I could picture Dr. Gajduskova asking Chloe to find a suitable dupe who would be on duty when the VirileMail software was loaded onto our server array. In my mind, I pictured her saying, "No problem! There's this hopeless nerd Joe who is one of our net admins; he has a crush on me, so I can wrap him around my little finger." No! I did not want to think such things about Chloe. I shouted, "THIS IS NOT BUSINESS AS USUAL!" I knew that Chloe was not really in control of the situation. But what did that mean? What the hell was going on? It was more than some stupid software development project. I'd spent hours fantasizing about the company being the target of some kind of industrial espionage, but that explained nothing. Either I was insane or some mysterious force was able to take control of me and my co-workers. It was frightening there, all alone that night. Something in my mind kept beating at me: don't sweat it...everything is fine...you are just tired...you are just hungry...don't sweat it... Was I hallucinating? Is this what auditory hallucinations were like? Some "voice" just outside of normal perception, telling you the same thing repeatedly? "You are not crazy. This is perfectly normal. Just go to sleep, you will feel better if you just eat something and get some sleep." Was I schizophrenic, hearing things? I went on the Internet in order to search and see if "Janek" was a real person, but I ended up searching for a psychiatrist. Maybe all I needed was someone to talk to. I found a local psychiatrist with an online appointment system and signed up for a session with Dr. W. T. Klein. When I shut down my computer, it was again time to rewind the video tape. While rewinding, I surfed the television channels. I saw Jeff Goldblum in some movie and stopped surfing. It was a movie I had never seen before, "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". I was slightly amused by the idea that my co-workers were acting like "pod people". When that long night was finally over, I shaved and looking in the mirror, I imagined how Chloe would react in panic if she saw me...my face was terrible, like something taken from a living dead movie. I'd never been so sleep deprived. I figured Dr. Klein would be thrilled to encounter such a deranged patient. __TOC__
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