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| - My Privy Councillors and Members of the Board of Governors. My fellow students. As you know, it's been a long year for all of us. It's been a long road, and it'll be an even longer road ahead. But you know what's come of it. From the day we fought our way to freedom in one swift duct-taping, to today, where we stand here, with our 4.0s and our Ivy league acceptance letters, we have seen it all. Stoner High School. Free at last. [takes a long swig of the cocktail sitting on the podium] Now, are you ready to PARTY... ALL... NIGHT... LONG?! [drumroll]
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| abstract
| - My Privy Councillors and Members of the Board of Governors. My fellow students. As you know, it's been a long year for all of us. It's been a long road, and it'll be an even longer road ahead. But you know what's come of it. From the day we fought our way to freedom in one swift duct-taping, to today, where we stand here, with our 4.0s and our Ivy league acceptance letters, we have seen it all. Stoner High School. Free at last. Eight long months ago, I had the immeasurable honor of being elected your Queen. When you put that tiara on my head I felt not only exhilaration but also fear, I must admit. Fear for myself, fear for the future of the sapling of the tree of freedom we had planted, fear for you... it has been, as they say, complete balls, bullshit and poppycock. I underestimated myself, and I underestimated you. I asked much of you, and got even more. You asked much of me, and I can only hope that my efforts have been sufficient. We've come a long, long way from the darkness of too many years gone by. I trust that I leave this school in good hands. Ralph, duly elected, who I expect shall make a fine King next year, and the incoming Board and Council. I expect that all of you will do your duty and do it well. The rest of you remember that your place at this school is not a subservient one as it was under our previous rulers. Your place is to help Ralph do the best he can for the school, and to kick his sorry punk ass if he doesn't try. This, [grin at Ralph, who is looking a bit nervous], I suspect, will not be at all necessary. [takes a long swig of the cocktail sitting on the podium] Many out there have said we couldn't do it. Many said it, because they were afraid. They mock our extra credit points, our limousines, our tanks, our artillery, our cocktails and our FREEDOM. [Standing ovation] They laugh, oh yes they laugh. They will laugh at the future, and in so doing they will become the past. By your example and your fortitude the old, outmoded and totalitarian ideas of education perpetuated by the educational bureaucracy will consigned to the ash heap of history along with the fascism and communism to which they bear such a great resemblance. [Another standing ovation] Trust me, my friends, I'll be back next year to check on how you are all doing. I suspect my fellow seniors will do the same, especially now that we've got the beer fountain functioning properly. Thank you all for your fortitude, your fearless valor, your hard work and your support. I will miss you all dearly. Long live the Revolution. [Guy in front row: Long live the Queen!] [yet another standing ovation punctuated by cheering] Thank you very much, thank you, and goodnight. [she begins to walk away from the stage, pauses, looks at the band, and walks back to the podium, seizing the mic...] Now, are you ready to PARTY... ALL... NIGHT... LONG?! [drumroll]
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