abstract
| - On February 30th, 1934, Dolphins quarterback Bob Griese and head coach Don Shula decided that both of them should create a super Dolphin. In order to accomplish this task, they had to make love on top of Larry Csonka. After only three weeks inside of Don Shula, Brian Griese popped out of Shula's vagina and threw his own afterbirth right into the doctors hands, even though he was covered by two nurses. In the spring of 1958, Griese committed to Puerto Rican State to play quarterback. During his freshman year, he accumulated 4,577 yards, 87 touchdowns, and 1/2 an interception while completing only 28% of his passes. Griese boasted one of the strongest arms in the whole damn world. Able to throw 132 yards at 245 mph, he was used by the United States Army to throw rockets from airplanes during air strikes through southeast Asia. After the 1958 season, Griese was unanimously awarded the Heisman Trophy. However, as he picked up the trophy, he broke his right shoulder off the bone. Three days following successful reattachment surgery, he announced that he would leave college football to rehabilitate his arm.
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