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| - Pingu (Sininster Penguin Overlord), also known as Glenn Beck, was able to carry out this evil deed because of the galactic civil war between the Republic and Separatists . During these dark times, Pingu learned how to flick on a lightswitch and became Chancellor of the Galactic Senate. Soon he was granted emergency powers when Jar Jar Binks proposed a vote. Curiously, Jar Jar Binks is mentioned earlier in the story, during OT I & II. Soon Pingu was able to convert Anakin Skywalker from a Jedi Knight to a Psychiatrist. They devised a plan to poison the minds of the Senators with Ritalin and Valium, which would relax them to a point of complete "notcaringaboutanythingness". Shortly thereafter Skywalker began to prescribe Ritalin to the Senators in return for acting lessons, which allowed Pin
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| abstract
| - Pingu (Sininster Penguin Overlord), also known as Glenn Beck, was able to carry out this evil deed because of the galactic civil war between the Republic and Separatists . During these dark times, Pingu learned how to flick on a lightswitch and became Chancellor of the Galactic Senate. Soon he was granted emergency powers when Jar Jar Binks proposed a vote. Curiously, Jar Jar Binks is mentioned earlier in the story, during OT I & II. Soon Pingu was able to convert Anakin Skywalker from a Jedi Knight to a Psychiatrist. They devised a plan to poison the minds of the Senators with Ritalin and Valium, which would relax them to a point of complete "notcaringaboutanythingness". Shortly thereafter Skywalker began to prescribe Ritalin to the Senators in return for acting lessons, which allowed Pingu to declare himself Emperor. Years later, a secret plan to send Tom Cruise back in time was aborted after he began to show signs of the Wacko-Jacko Implant as well as trying to sexually gratify himself on Oprah's sofa. It should be noted that even though Pingu has probably been scoffing chocolate raisins and washing them down with his own fresh urine for the past six thousand years; he has still affected the way the world has turned out. Indeed Scientologists believe that he is responsible for many things of general importance, good or bad. The list of his achievements is endless, so here are but a few: He once had a free style rap battle against Oscar Wilde, for the title of "The Supreme Quotationer Of The Uncyclopedia" and lost. He then went on a trip to South Central Los Angeles to hone his 'Wacky wack Nug Nug skills' and nearing the end of his stay invented the concept of gangsta rap although Pingu did spell is Crap with the C being silent. He was the only person/being/entity to sleep with Jesus, Ghandi, Harre krishna, Buddha's third blubber fold, JFK, Hulk Hogan, A Pot Of Yoghurt, Margaret Thatcher, Ben Affleck, The Undertaker and The American Badass. It is also rumoured that he is Ricky Wilson of Kaiser Chiefs fame, but Tom Cruise (Whose Official Scientology title is "The Supreme Lord Of The Gays" or abbrieviated it is "T.S.L.O.T.G") has denied this report saying "No that guy is a fanny! Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyy!!!" He then went on to say "Mad props to Pingu wherever you are, that shit on Oprah's sofa was for you baby!". Ayn Rand, founder of Objectivism, detailed the story in Fountainhead Earth Chapter III, famously warning that the story was "calculated to kill (by boredom, herpes, masturbatory overdose, etc) anyone who attempts to solve it." The Pingu story was the start of the use of the volcano as a common symbol of Objectivism from 1968 to the present day. Pingu founded SCO and is a partner in Microsoft with Bill Gates. Recently Pingu has been trolling messageboards like IWETHEY, Husi, and Kuro5hin as a flamelord. Pingu is the identical twin/second cousin of David Bowie, sharing his mysterious powers. The only human being capable of battling Pingu is Harry Pothead, Wizard of Amsterdam, Some people believe that it is Jean Claude Van Damme, but they are wrong. No one who is Belgian is that powerful. Harry Pothead on the other hand is rumoured to have gone 12 rounds of bare-knuckle fighting with Pingu and have fought him with lightsabers, swords, baguettes (or in Harry Pothead's own words 'le baggit for the mincey faggot') and various animals and people like a rather screwed up game of worms armageddon. They were fighting in any of the major battles and wars of the past three hundred years. both World Wars, 'Nam and even the war between Smooth and Crunchy Peanut Butter. Although the Pepsi/Coke war was a no score draw. They were never on anyones side, but sought out each other in the heat of battle for either twelve rounds of bare knuckle fighting or for a quick arse shag round the back of a pillbox depending on whether Pingu was employing the use of minge mops at that time of the month. The rivalry was started after Harry Pothead called Pingu's fighting skills "The work of one with mincey faggot balls!" To which Pingu Replied "MINCE!?!?! I am not the one who polishes a bishop and hangs around with a mutant ginger cock-monkey, you bloody Dutch twat! Why do you love Hermione? You Fucking Paedophile!" Harry Pothead doesn't stand being talked to in this way and promptly punched Pingu in the face, with a rolled up copy of the National Enquirer wrapped up in a wonderbra.
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