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| - ❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅ — The Eden Project, Fumes "I CAN'T SLEEP." I glance up and have to swallow a scream; a dark shape is standing over my nest, green eyes glowing. In my nightmares, the dark shape is always Greer, come back from the dead to haunt me. But in real life, it's Plover, looking small and scared as the shadows collect around her, pooling in the dark bruises below her eyes and the hollows of her ribs. She has the unhealthy look of someone who has lost a lot of sleep and a lot of weight in a short amount of time. "Come on," I say, stepping out of my nest. We walk through the maze of sleeping cats that litter the cavern floor, over to the main entrance. The snow that started falling just before I went to sleep is still falling, now in significantly greater amounts. I peer through the woolly white blanket and can barely make out the dark tops of the fir trees that belt the base of the mountain. The wind lets out an unearthly shriek and sends a blast of icy air into the cavern. I shiver and huddle closer to Plover, whose teeth are chattering. "It's really coming down. Gonna be a full-fledged blizzard if the wind picks up anymore." "There'll be huge drifts," says Plover. "Perfect for sledding." I look over at her. There are no tears in her eyes, but there's a different cry in the wasted expression on her face. "Do you remember when we built that snow-cat, over on the other side of the river?" "How could I forget? I still wear its nose around my neck," I say, smiling and glancing down at my pink pendant. "It was Eider's idea to build it," says Plover softly. Her eyes stare intently into the blizzard outside, as if she's trying to find her lost sister in the swirling snow. "She was so good." "She was," I agree. "Good and kind and sweet." And far too young. "Does it ever stop?" blurts Plover. She presses a paw to her chest, as if indicating a physical wound. "That emptiness there, does it ever fill?" "No," I say honestly. "When you love someone, they can never leave you. That part of your heart will always belong to Eider. But the pain . . . fades." My parents' faces drift through my mind, then my brother and sister's. I speak genuinely from the heart as I continue, "Eventually, when you think of them, you'll be able to peer past the pain of their deaths, onto the beauty of their lives. Your memories of them will be an everlasting tribute to them, to the impact they had on your life. You won't forget her. But why would you want to?" "I don't want to forget her. Stars, that's the last thing I want. She's all I had. But I want the pain to stop." Plover buries her face in my shoulder. "Promise it gets better?" "I promise." "Losing my sister is about the worst thing I could imagine ever happening. But I guess I'm not the only one who lost her, right?" Plover looks slightly guilty, and I understand what she means. "That's right. The rest of us miss her too, Plover. We didn't know Eider as well as you did, but we did know her; she was family to us. So are you. You know I'm always here for you. The same goes for the rest of the group -- Jett and Sasha and Lucifer and all of them. We will hold you." I wrap my tail around her and hold her close. "You are not alone." "Thank you, Everly." "You're welcome. Tell you what. If it's still snowing tomorrow morning, how about we spend the day inside together? I'll help you with the check-up rounds Miko assigns you, and then we can do something. Talk, play a game, whatever you'd like." For a second, I expect her to tell me that something as little as that won't make her feel better. But then she smiles, a thin sliver of a smile compared to her old one, but a smile nonetheless. "It's a deal," she says. Unfortunately, I end up breaking that deal the next day -- because I sleep in really late. When I wake up, it's still snowing, but Jett tells me it's almost afternoon. Seeing Plover's nest empty, I hurry into the training cavern and find Lucifer and Plover walking towards me, both chatting away. Plover is carrying cobwebs and empty leaves that look like they'd been filled with poultice, and Lucifer carries a plump mouse. "We were just coming to find you," he says. "Here, I brought you breakfast." "That's so sweet! And I don't deserve it," I add sheepishly. Lucifer grins. "Well, you were snoring with such glorious abandon that we figured we'd leave you be and get all the real work done. Like usual." I elbow him in the ribs and start eating the mouse. "Lucifer is surprisingly good with the patients. For example, he threatens the Guard cats with imminent doom if they try to mouth off to me while I'm changing their bandages," says Plover, handing over her leftover supplies to Miko, who has come to check on us. "Oh, and I invited Lucifer to spend the day with us too." "What? I thought this was a she-cats only sort of day," I protest. "Hey, you should be grateful," says Lucifer offendedly. "Otherwise we might make it a no-Everly sort of day. My favorite." "Hmph." After I'm done eating, we head back into the busy main hall. With everyone stuck indoors for the duration of the blizzard, the place is noisy and crowded. A Clan queen chases her kits around as they squeal hysterically and toss up bits of bedding in the air with tiny paws. I find myself watching the little family as the queen finally catches the kits and tackles them, yelling in mock protest as they run all over her belly. Feeling a wistful sort of warmth flare in my heart, I turn away from the scene to find that Jett and Sasha have joined our day group. "I'm bored, so let's come up with something really fun to do," says Jett. "Let's invent a game! One that as many cats as we want can play!" says Sasha excitedly. We all agree with this proposal, but it's easier said than done. For one, every cat within hearing distance soon wants to join in, and trying to come up with a game with about a dozen arguing cats is no easy task. One of the kits suggests a game where we all try to hang from the ceiling like bats. His sister excitedly adds that if anyone succeeded, the rest of us could try to knock him or her off. While the kits are being talked to about violence and why "it's funny!" is not an acceptable excuse for it, Lucifer and I confer. "We'll need a game with teams," I say. "A free-for-all would get insane." "I like crazy," Lucifer says, eyes twinkling, "but you're right." "We'll stay here in the main hall; it's the only place big enough. But what kind of game?" "What about a game of moss-ball?" I quirk an eyebrow at him. "I know you didn't have much of a kithood, but most cats outgrow that by the time they're five moons old." "Wow. I used to think you were nice, you know, and now the dark side of Everly has been exposed." I contort my face into what I imagine is a menacing expression and let out a bloodcurdling hiss. Lucifer bursts out laughing. I open my mouth to protest the fact that he isn't taking my imposing stature seriously, but can't bring myself to say anything. Instead, I just enjoy the sight of him laughing, his blue eyes warm and bright and, for once, free of trouble. We head around and talk to other cats, and slowly, together we begin inventing the most complex game of moss-ball imaginable. Jett and Lucifer elect themselves captains, and while they split everyone into teams, I and Plover, along with a few apprentices and younger warriors, set up "goals", which are really just large wreaths of bedding which we have to get the moss-ball into. To make it interesting, we have different sizes of goals, placed all over the main hall. We draw a line down the middle of the cavern; each team has a side, and if a cat tries to cross it to score, they can be tagged out by the other team. I'm on Jett's team, and I suggest we split ourselves into taggers -- cats who stay on our side and guard the goals -- and scouts -- cats who try to cross the line and score. I earn "three cheers to Everly!" for this suggestion, and from the other side of the cavern, Lucifer casts me a curious look. I stick my tongue out at him, and he pulls a face at me before turning away, but I don't miss the ghost of a laugh shaking his shoulders. "We should do war paint," says one Clan apprentice, and goes around smudging everyone's faces with dirt. He accidentally gets some in my mouth, and I'm still trying to get the disgusting taste out when Lucifer yells, "Ready, set, go!" Once again, the front hall becomes a battlefield -- but now it is shrieks of laughter and excited yells that fill the air as moss and cats go flying. Oh, and also a fair bit of profanity. I stop short as Jett curses so violently that Sasha threatens to wipe his mouth with moss. Lucifer's team scores the first goal when Owlpaw, Shadowstar's son, dodges two cats and makes a spectacular throw into one of the goals. This causes Jett to go into a five minute long spiel about how we will not be defeated by such a bunch of spineless pansies, which causes Lucifer to demand him to "say it to my face," which causes half of both teams to have to drag them apart from their rubbish-talking contest before all the apprentices learn eighteen new swear words over the course of a minute. "Scouts, huddle!" Jett calls. I hurry forward with the other quicker cats on our team. "Listen, we're down one--" "The score is one to zero," points out a ForestClan cat, and Jett gives her a withering stare. "We've got to give it our all. Trample their guards if you have to. Everly, you're in charge. Get a game plan and get it done." I have to hide the urge to laugh at the intensity in Jett's eyes, but then I turn around and see Lucifer smirking at me. "Ready to lose?" My eyes narrow, a flare of competitiveness rising inside me. "Oh, you're so going down." We decide that we will all charge the other team's largest goals -- but then, when hopefully they'll be focusing on guarding that one, I'll break away and aim for a smaller one on the side. If I'm quick, I think I can make it, and if not, maybe one of the other scouts will break through the defense anyway. The game starts again, and I signal to the other scouts. We charge, yelling as loudly as we can to seem even more intimidating. Even as I'm laughing and shouting, the thought flickers through my head: this game could actually teach us war strategies. I immediately feel disgusted with myself for thinking it. The war is over before it began. We aren't going to fight with the deserter Snow Guard members. Our only remaining enemy is DiAngelo. I strike off from the main group. Sure enough, the path to another goal is almost completely unguarded, except for -- I let out a scream as I realize I'm about to run right into Lucifer. Gathering my haunches, I launch myself over his head. Anticipating the move, he jumps as well, trying to intercept me. At the very last second, I hurl the moss-ball in my paws into the goal, and Lucifer and I crash to the floor in a heap of tangled limbs. Everyone stares at us. Owlpaw stalks towards the goal slowly and mutters, "Goal. Their team." "GOAL!" yells Jett. "GOAL!!!" I realize I'm still crushing Lucifer to the floor and start to get up, but accidentally step on his foot with all my weight. He yelps and I gasp. "Sorry!" "It's not enough for you to wound my pride?" he asks, and suddenly the two of us burst out laughing, and can't stop for a really, really long time. Evening is a quiet and tranquil affair. Everyone is tired after a long game of "deluxe moss-ball." Lucifer's team actually did end up winning, but we put up a valiant fight and only lost by a point. Also, Jett maintains that the other team cheated. "Everly?" I turn at the sound of Lucifer's voice and find him looking at me with apprehensive eyes. "What's wrong?" I ask immediately. Hesitantly, he says, "I was planning to do this by myself, but . . ." "What is it? You're scaring me." I give him a small smile that he returns without it quite reaching his eyes. "I want to go into the boreas lux." I don't know what I was expecting him to say, but it wasn't that. "Why?" "There's still so much we don't know about . . . about my destiny. About how to defeat DiAngelo." I can't stop the ice from entering my voice as I say, "I thought we agreed that defeating DiAngelo has nothing specifically to do with you or your destiny. It's a problem we tackle together." Frustration passes over his face. "I'm telling you what I'm doing right now, aren't I? It's not wrong to acknowledge that there's some role in this that only I can play. Greer knew it." "Greer is not a deity. She tried to control you and manipulate you, yes, but your fate was always your own. You are always your own, and so are your choices," I say firmly. Lucifer opens his mouth and shuts it. We gaze at each other for a long moment. I can't quite read his eyes -- there's something beyond his usual annoyance at my idealism, a glimmer of something intense that makes my heart do a painful flip deep in my chest. "I'll come with you," I finally say. Again, he seems to bite back his thoughts, giving me a nod and walking away without looking back to make sure I'm following. Because he knows I will. We discovered the boreas lux together. I know better than almost anyone what kind of demons have haunted Lucifer's past, and I won't let him face them alone. No one stops us as we slink past. Plover casts me a questioning glance, but I smile at her and mouth the word later, and she nods and turns back to sorting herbs with Miko. There is a whole heap in front of them, large enough for seven cats, but I know it's all for Farrah. Out of all the casualties, she is still the worst by far. Fighting the effects of blood loss, infection, and weakness has been an uphill battle. I've barely seen Calder in a week; he is a ghost, emerging only to devour small meals before disappearing back into the makeshift infirmary set up in the training cavern. "We should visit Farrah soon," I say as we walk deeper into the Peak. Lucifer nods, but I can tell his thoughts are elsewhere. I move closer, touching my shoulder to his, trying to offer a wordless comfort with my presence. He flinches and stiffens, then pulls away. The tree stump comes into view, and I eye the boreas lux warily. Its everchanging surface is rippling and shining, and a soft, cold draft of wind billows up towards my face. I breathe in the smell of pine, grateful that it masks any trace of Greer's scent in her chamber. "Ready?" I ask Lucifer. We dip our heads towards the boreas lux. The world becomes a swirl of color. My paws leave the ground as the northern lights dance around us. The wind becomes so frigid that my teeth chatter and my head pounds. I land with a thump on a floor of smooth stone. Lucifer lands beside me, and the two of us take in our surroundings. "Is this -- we're at the Peak," he says haltingly. "Welcome," says a silken voice, and we spin to face a trio of cats. Their pelts glitter, as if studded with pieces of crushed stars, and there is something ethereal about their serene eyes and faces. The white she-cat who spoke looks directly at Lucifer. "Greer is dead," she says. "I know," I blurt. "I killed her." To my surprise, the she-cat smiles at me. "That you did, brave one." "Who are you?" Lucifer chokes out. "My name is Snowstar." She gestures to the chestnut tabby she-cat on her right, then the sleek gray tom on her left. "This is Foreststar, and Riverstar." I squeak. "Are you the founders of the Clans?" Lucifer looks utterly confused. "I thought . . . I thought the boreas lux showed memories. Where are we? Why can they see us?" "No need to talk about us as if we can't hear you," says Riverstar, and Lucifer blushes slightly. "The boreas lux can no longer show you Greer's memories, because she is dead. The next in line to use it is you; she herself allowed it to be this way." "I don't understand," I say, speaking for both Lucifer and myself. A radiant smile splits Snowstar's face. "No longer is the most sacred possession of the Clans under the control of that evil tyrant. We can explain everything. And now that you're here, we can tell you all we know." "About what?" "About how to kill the wolf."
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