About: Private Eye Monologue   Sponge Permalink

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The signature narration style in Film Noir. A bored-looking, world-weary, utterly cynical Hardboiled Detective with his feet on the desk meets a Femme Fatale, while the voiceover gives us his mental play-by-play: Must be black and white, with preference given to grimy offices, frosted-glass doors, half-open Venetian blinds, and a cheap and conspicuously open bottle of hooch. Bonus points for saxophone music or impractically slow ceiling fans. When done well it is always a consistent narrative. Done badly, this monologue just becomes laughable amounts of complaining like a spoiled emo teen.

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  • Private Eye Monologue
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  • The signature narration style in Film Noir. A bored-looking, world-weary, utterly cynical Hardboiled Detective with his feet on the desk meets a Femme Fatale, while the voiceover gives us his mental play-by-play: Must be black and white, with preference given to grimy offices, frosted-glass doors, half-open Venetian blinds, and a cheap and conspicuously open bottle of hooch. Bonus points for saxophone music or impractically slow ceiling fans. When done well it is always a consistent narrative. Done badly, this monologue just becomes laughable amounts of complaining like a spoiled emo teen.
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  • The signature narration style in Film Noir. A bored-looking, world-weary, utterly cynical Hardboiled Detective with his feet on the desk meets a Femme Fatale, while the voiceover gives us his mental play-by-play: The Private Eye Monologue is characterized by certain pronunciation and speech patterns that make it immediately recognizable and utterly cool. The most basic rule to remember is that it is a monologue, so it is spoken (not written), preferably in a deep chain-smoker baritone. The last (or second last) word in the sentence is emphasized, to make clear where it ends. Short, choppy sentences in past tense with little conjunction (buts, howevers, and therefores) between them are preferred, and the lexicon mainly consists of short, simple words; that's why such monologues are so super quotable. Purple Prose and Big Words are taboo. The most important aspect is thinking-in-metaphors. Metaphors and similes are the alpha and omega of a good Private Eye Monologue, which it wouldn't be without them. They demonstrate the relatively good education of the speaker without estranging him from the audience by sounding geeky. References to popular culture and politics are pure win. Mentioning the climate and the current weather is often a must. Even more impressive are religious (Judeo-Christian) symbolism and mythology, just don't overdo it. Repeating a metaphor or simile is a faux pas. Must be black and white, with preference given to grimy offices, frosted-glass doors, half-open Venetian blinds, and a cheap and conspicuously open bottle of hooch. Bonus points for saxophone music or impractically slow ceiling fans. When done well it is always a consistent narrative. Done badly, this monologue just becomes laughable amounts of complaining like a spoiled emo teen. Nigh impossible to play straight these days. The tough First-Person Smartass, of course, is far from dead. Examples of Private Eye Monologue include:
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