LCats 02:39, 13 May 2008 (UTC) Don't be surprised if i don't get to this immediatly or if i do other pees in between this article. it's huge. and it'll definitly take me a while. 09:42, 25 May 2008 (UTC) Hey LCats! Just a quick note to say that I am still doing this. I'm just about half way through. So if you just hold on day or two more I should have this done for you. Apologise for it taking so long, have been distrcted by other stuff. 20:53 2 June 2008
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| - Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Melty Blood
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| - LCats 02:39, 13 May 2008 (UTC) Don't be surprised if i don't get to this immediatly or if i do other pees in between this article. it's huge. and it'll definitly take me a while. 09:42, 25 May 2008 (UTC) Hey LCats! Just a quick note to say that I am still doing this. I'm just about half way through. So if you just hold on day or two more I should have this done for you. Apologise for it taking so long, have been distrcted by other stuff. 20:53 2 June 2008
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| - also you tried to link to Fall Out Boy which would be relevant if there was an article on fall out boy, you see it’s become a redirect to the CVP page, as FOB, while a great band, is a constantly badly produced article that is always vandalised, basically in future check where your links are linking to.
If you insist on keeping this article you need to keep it more on track about being "about" a 4D fighting game as you digressed into random stories about the characters that didn't add anything to the article.
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| - You kept double spacing between paragraphs. Don’t do that. Just have the one space between paragraphs. Also you have two templates relating to spoilers, it’s probably best just to keep the one that says you have just read spoilers as it’s funnier mostly because the first one goes over peoples heads until they’ve read the article or unless they already know the animi. Also the “you have just read spoilers” template should be under the spoilers shouldn’t it? It’s just you have it half way through the Ciel, character.
I don’t think that the template in the Sion Eltnam Atlasia section is really necessary as it kinda looks a bit too messy.
Also it’s clear that you sporked a lot of it from Wikipedia and then changed words and phrases trying to make it funny. This rarely works.
Things like triple negatives aren’t necessary. And in general your grammar was a little off, read through it and see if you can tidy that up a bit.
Also I really doubt the Japanese writing in brackets after things is adding to the article, it the sort of things people skip over when reading Wikipedia and it’s the sort of thing people find confusing and annoying on Uncyclopedia.
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| - If I’ve counted right there are 30 images here in one article. That really is way too many . Again I shall deal with this section by section.
Table [7]: The picture in the table was ok but if there is anyway you could think of making it funnier then do so.
Story [5]: Too many here, we need to cut some and I’d suggest the “surprise abortion” one as it was relevant only to a very random part of the article and was borderline sick as apposed to funny. Also the one of Shiki and the one under the abortion one I think should both go as they’re both kinda meh. Then when those are cleared up, right align the dancing bear and make the other one bigger. That should help it look nicer and be a bit clearer.
Game play [4]: didn’t really seem very relevant and weren’t particularly funny . You’d need to find stuff more relevant to your topic and keep the images a little bigger so people can actually see them.
Shiki Tohno [3]: Not hilarious. The caption wasn’t very funny either and it was too small. I’m not sure I can think of a way to make this funnier as the text in this section wasn’t very funny either.
Shiki Nanaya [3]: I just thought it was too gross to be funny, much like to abortion pic from earlier the shock value isn’t what Uncyclopedia finds funny. And like most of your images it was too small anyway. But at least it was sorta relevant to the child eating thing.
Arcueid Brunestud [1]: They just weren’t funny or relevant. Also too small, especially for the first one, if you include manga/comic/cartoon stuff like that the reader must be able to read it.
Akiha Tohno [1]: completely untied to the article and unfunny. Though, unlike most of the other pictures, it seemed to be an ok size, not perfect, but better
Ciel [2]: The one with her drinking tea was not especially funny or even relevant. The one with peter Griffin in it was ok, even amusing but you didn’t explain it in the caption and it was a little too small.
Sion Eltnam Atlasia [1]: The round house kick one wasn’t funny because it was Chuck Norris. The other one should win a prise for irrelevancy.
Hisui + Kohaku [6]: Considering the context they were pretty good and sorta funny captions. Too small though.
Nvrnqsr Chaos [5]: Kinda funny by it’s self, a little weird but it was ok. Too small though.
Len [4]: Again kinda irrelevant and unfunny.
Miyako Arima [5]: The picture here was actually quite funny though it was too small and a little bit too random.
Kishima Kouma [3]: it was relevant, but not particularly amusing. Also too small.
Night of Warachia [1]: Unfunny, hard to see even when enlarged.
Blood is Thicker than Water [1]: Unfunny. Too small.
Satsuki Yumizuka [2]: the one with Michael Jackson was crap because it was Michael Jackson and it was zombies not vampires as well as being too small and random. The other one suffered in much the same way being too small and unfunny.
Aoko Aozaki [4]: At least relevant but unfunny.
Other versions and Similar Releases [7]: considering the text this was pretty funny, a little small though.
Melty Blood: Act Caramba [1]: As I said above, get rid.
Melty Man [1]: Unfunny. Get rid of it along with the text.
Melty Bread [1]: As per Melty Man
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| - This is what is really killing the article. It’s just such an obscure thing, I know that it can be OK to have some things that are obscure but this is just too much so and there appears to be little in this for anyone not a fan of this animi . You need to bear in mind that the concept has to be accessible to most people. This is why I strongly suspect this is VFD material.
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| - As it is I strongly suspect this is VFD let me give you some advice for writing another article. Read, I mean really read, HTBFANJS then why not try re-writing something. Usually things in the re-write category have a good concept behind them and are only in need of some humour, so it is a pretty good place to start. Also don’t forget to check some of the featured content.
I do hope you found this review to be aesthetically pleasing and grammatically satisfying and if you would like to thank/ask/insult me about anything please visit my talk page.
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| - LCats 02:39, 13 May 2008 (UTC) Don't be surprised if i don't get to this immediatly or if i do other pees in between this article. it's huge. and it'll definitly take me a while. 09:42, 25 May 2008 (UTC) Hey LCats! Just a quick note to say that I am still doing this. I'm just about half way through. So if you just hold on day or two more I should have this done for you. Apologise for it taking so long, have been distrcted by other stuff. 20:53 2 June 2008
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