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| - Benson: Ugh, finally! Could you close the door, please? Rigby: Yeah, close the door! Mordecai: (pushes Rigby) Just sit down! (closes door and goes to sit down as Benson begins to speak) Benson: As you guys may or may not know, it's Pops' birthday tomorrow. (flips page on easel to reveal the words "Pops' Birthday) I was planning on getting him something nice from the arts and crafts fair last Saturday, but, nothing really stood out. Has anybody gotten him anything yet? Muscle Man: No. Benson: Why am I not surprised? (pulls cap off of the marker) Ideas? Anybody? Muscle Man: How about one of them Jeff Forgeman grills? Benson: That's actually not a bad idea, but Pops has been watching his cholesterol. Doctor's orders. What else? Skips: How about we get him some new gardening tools? Benson: Well, maybe. It's just, he gets new gardening tools all the time. Mordecai: What about some horseback riding lessons? Benson: Please tell me you're joking. Mordecai: Well, no. Isn't he into that? Benson: Don't you remember? That's the exact same gift we got him last year. Rigby: Psht! Mordecai: Don't "psht" me! I don't hear you coming up with anything! Rigby: Yeah, but at least I didn't say the same thing that we got him last year! Pops: (from outside, knocking on door) Hello? May I please enter? Benson: Just a second! (flips page on easel back onto the blank sheet) Okay. You can come in now. Pops: (opens door) Ooh! What's everybody doing in here? Benson: Oh, hey Pops. We were just, uh... going over the schedule. Muscle Man: No! (to Pops) We were talking about how no one knows what to get you for your birthday. Pops: Oh! Benson: Muscle Man, what are you doing?! Muscle Man: I'm saying what's on my mind, bro. I'm just real like that. Pops: You want to know what to get me for my birthday? Well, that's quite simple. Benson: What is it, Pops? Pops: A pair of fuzzy dice from the Fun Fun Zone. Rigby: Fuzzy dice? Pops: Yes! They're so much fun! (sadly) But alas, the only way to get them is to win a million tickets. I'm afraid I'm not very good at throwing Skeeze Ballz. (He walks away.) Benson: Well, fuzzy dice it is. Rigby: Yeah, but I'm not going to the Fun Fun Zone. Mordecai: Yeah, me neither. I can't stand that place. All those nasty kids... Muscle Man: Yeah, and talk about sub-standard pizza. Rigby: And what about that annoying animatronic band? (Everyone agrees with him.) Benson: Alright, alright. Look, I don't like the Fun Fun Zone any more than you do. (close up of face) But if Pops wants those fuzzy dice, then we're gonna get him those fuzzy dice! Benson: Let's get this over with. Employee: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Excuse me! Where do you think you're going? Mordecai: We're just here to get some fuzzy dice. Employee: I'm sorry, but you must accompany at least one child to enter. Mordecai: Aw, come on! We'll just buy the dice and leave. Employee: Oh, I can't bend the rules for you, sir. Because it just wouldn't be a "Fun Fun Zone" without fun fun rules. Muscle Man: Man, how are we supposed to get this stupid dice now? Skips: I think I have an idea. Employee: Hey, I already told you that you need a kid to get in! (The groundskeepers walk to the side to reveal Rigby dressed in a backward-facing hat, sweatshirt, pouch and sneakers. There is silence for a few seconds, then, Mordecai punches Rigby) Rigby: What's up, man? (repeatedly zips and unzips pouch, while saying "LOL!" in sync with the zipping). Employee: (suspiciously) Hmm... (perks up) Okay! Go on in, folks! (unhooks velvet rope) Have a great time! Benson: Ugh! (gets pushed by kids) Hey! Mordecai: Let's just find the dice and get out of here. Diego Montez: May I help you? Benson: Yeah, hi. We'd like a pair of fuzzy dice, please. Diego Montez: That'll be one million tickets. Benson: (sarcastically laughs) No. (pulls out wallet) We're actually gonna be paying with cash. (pulls out dollar bill) How much is that gonna be? Ten, fifteen bucks? Diego Montez: One million tickets, sir. If you like, all of our price listings for our items are on the wall. Muscle Man: Well, can we just buy the tickets? Diego Montez: Tickets are a penny each. (The groundskeepers all groan.) Rigby: Nice, what's that, like, ten bucks? Mordecai: Dude, it's not ten bucks. It's ten thousand dollars. Rigby: Wow, really? Benson: (turns to the other groundskeepers) Alright, bad news, everybody. We're gonna to have to win some tickets if we're gonna get those dice. Skips: Uh, yeah, we were right here the whole time. Muscle Man: It's go time! Benson: Alright, guys, I got some bad news. We're 20,000 tickets short of the fuzzy dice. And what's worse, is that we only have one token left. But I've noticed one game that gives out more tickets than all the others. Benson: Skeeze Ballz. This will have to be a team effort. (points out the timer and the balls) The faster we go, the more chances to throw the balls we get. So I want everyone to line up, and when the balls drop-- (M&R laugh at the sexual innuendo. Benson facepalms.) Ugh... when the game starts, you throw, and get back in line. (close up of face) Now let's roll! Benson: Hurry! Benson: Come on, Mordecai, sink it! Benson: (drops tickets on stand) One million tickets. Diego Montez: What would you like? Benson: We'll take the fuzzy dice. (the groundskeepers cheer as Diego grabs a pole with a hook) For Pops. (Diego removes the lid with the hook, and grabs the dice, then, gives them to Benson) Yeah! We did it! Now, we can give these to Pops. Bear Robot: Sorry, but you ain't giving nothing to nobody. Mordecai: Aw, what?! (the animatronics get in the car and drive off the stage and through the wall of the Fun Fun Zone as the groundskeepers watch) Let's get 'em! Muscle Man: WHOOO! Mordecai: Give us back the dice! (rams side of cart into the band's car twice) Muscle Man: Give us...the...dice! (jumps off of cart, onto the band's car. Louie punches Muscle Man in the jaw. Weakly, he tries to reach for the dice, but is elbowed by the duck robot) Duck Robot: Back off, creep! Benson: They're getting away! Rigby: Through there! Duck Robot: Stop the car! Bear Robot: I'm trying! (looks ahead and sees a pile of barrels. The robot avoids the pile, but rams the car into a streetlight. The car then bursts into flames. They are unconscious for a moment. Louie sees that his cheek has been destroyed. The bear robot wakes up and grabs the dice) Go, go, go! (the robots waddle away from the burning car, but seconds later, it explodes. The groundskeepers see the explosion) Rigby: What was that?! Mordecai: Give us back our dice! We won them fair and square! Bear Robot: There's no way you're getting these dice. (points away) Now get out of the way before somebody gets hurt! Benson: What could you possibly want with fuzzy dice? Louie: Well, ten years ago, we knocked over Big City Jewelers, and made off with millions worth of uncut diamonds. (points to dice) Those diamonds are in those dice. Bear Robot: (slaps Louie) Shut up, Louie! Benson: I remember reading about that! That was you? Bear Robot: Yeah, that's right. We've been laying low for ten long years waiting for the statute of limitations on grand theft larceny to run out. And it was supposed to end tonight at midnight. Duck Robot: Mm-hmm. Until you clowns came along and ruined everything! Rigby: Can't we just have the dice without the diamonds? Bear Robot: It's too late. And you know too much. Duck Robot: Mm-hmm. Bear Robot: Hey, give that back! (Muscle Man throws the dice to Skips, who throws it past the band, and to Rigby, who was running to catch them) Alright! No more games! (reaches into jacket) Rigby: No, don't! (a light shines onto the bear robot) FBI Agent: This is the FBI. You're surrounded! (we get a view of the FBI helicopter, vehicles and agents) Get on the ground, now! Pilot: (as agent packs heat with a sniper, laying on ground) Targets are considered hostile, repeat, targets are considered hostile. (loads up) Gunsman: (crosshair view) Copy that, red leader. Louie: Uh, what do we do, boss? Bear Robot: We do what we were made to do: show these folks a fun time. Duck Robot: Hm. Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing. (Louie whimpers) Bear Robot: Well then, I guess it's showtime! (pulls out gun) FBI Agent: Gun! (the FBI shoots the bear robot down. Rigby runs to the cart while being chased by the bullets of the duck robot's gun) Duck Robot: Eat lead, sucker! Pilot: Smoke 'em. Text: Benson and the guys got the fuzzy dice after the FBI retrieved the uncut diamonds from them. The whereabouts of the Capicola Gang are currently unknown. Though there have been sightings reported all across the lower 48. Diego Montez quit his job at the Fun Fun Zone 3 1/2 weeks later...and became a multi-millionaire after patenting his ergonomic reaching hook. Pops received the fuzzy dice for his birthday and loved them. So did Muscle Man. ...A little too much.
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