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| - The impalas were believed to be the harbingers of impending religion by many tribes up until the year 1902 when it was found out that they actually are. They are thought to have been created when a group of horses were packed into aeroplanes resembling Boeing 747s, and flown into volcanoes which subsequently erupted, by a minor deity called Xebu who created mystical soul things called Crytans. Tom Cruise has since refused to comment of this, although it is known that the Church of Impalology requires a donation of 10,000 Bugle supplements (their preferred substance for starting fires) for any knowledge. The Crytans now have influenced British science fiction television, but due to the tragic mis-spelling of their name, their big break went unnoticed.
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| abstract
| - The impalas were believed to be the harbingers of impending religion by many tribes up until the year 1902 when it was found out that they actually are. They are thought to have been created when a group of horses were packed into aeroplanes resembling Boeing 747s, and flown into volcanoes which subsequently erupted, by a minor deity called Xebu who created mystical soul things called Crytans. Tom Cruise has since refused to comment of this, although it is known that the Church of Impalology requires a donation of 10,000 Bugle supplements (their preferred substance for starting fires) for any knowledge. The Crytans now have influenced British science fiction television, but due to the tragic mis-spelling of their name, their big break went unnoticed. During World War II, impalas visiting Northern Africa witnessed the infamous battles between Erwin Rommel's tank divisions and the Allied forces. Bringing these warfare ideas back to their native Central African plains, the impalas quickly realized that training and organizing their citizens would offer them immense advantages over their lion nemeses, but first a government was in order. The government was to be a monarchy, but the impalas believed that the royal family line should be that of the impala deemed to be most worthy. After much deliberation, the impala people elected the family line of Arcelious Impala to be made royal. Thus, in 1949, the African Nation of Impala Socialists (ANIS), a borderless country, was formed. Arcelious was quick to name his childhood friend, Cesaro Impala (Sr., as it would later turn out) general of the Impala Armed Forces (IAF). Cesaro was more than up to the task and was training the most fit impalas by late 1950. By 1952, the first divisions were in fighting condition. Over the next decade the skill and size of the army grew exponentially, and wildlife experts the world over scratched their heads at the sharp decrease in impala deaths by lion from year to year. Despite the impalas' superior organization and tactics, lions still remained naturally advantaged killers. The IAF only engaged in protective skirmishes from time to time. In 1972, Cesaro Sr. formed a plan of action that is still mostly classified today. Of what we know, the plan involves amassing an unfathomably vast army of impalas that will all gather in one place, then proceed to advance through Africa, destroying any lions in their path. This plan was soon realized to be too vast an undertaking for impalas alone, so Cesaro proceeded to help other herbivores form armies and governments, including zebras, water buffalo, rhinoceroses and elephants. By 1979, the governments of all the animals the impalas aided formed a UN-style council, the Symbiotic Union of African Herbivores (SUAH) In 1983, Cesaro was killed during an attack on a major pride. His oldest son, Cesaro Impala, Jr. was then appointed as general of the impala army. He has been more reticent to launch open attacks on the lions, but when he has, he's proven to be just as good of a commander as his father, perhaps better.
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