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| - (Scene opens up showing Lake Nose. The Flynn-Fletcher car drives by) Phineas: We're here! Lawrence: Ah, Lake Nose. Linda: This is just what i needed. A nice, relaxing family getaway. Lawrence: Such beauty, such tranquility. A fisherman's paradise. Yes, of all the lakes in the world, I'm glad we picked the Nose. (Phineas, Ferb and Candace laugh) Linda: That's charming, dear. Candace: (Looks out the car window) I still can't believe I get to be on the Lake Nose lifeguard squad with Jeremy. The lifeguards at Lake Nose are considered the coolest of the cool. All the other kids look up to them and have to do whatever they say. Phineas: (With a Lake Nose guide) Or they'll get eaten. Candace: Exactly. I-- Wait, what? Phineas: It says here "Many believe these murky waters are home to Nosey, the ferocious Lake Nose Monster". Candace: (Laughs) Nosey? Yeah, I'm so sure. There is no such thing as a Lake Nose Monster. Right, Dad? Lawrence: Well, Candace there's no such thing as lots of things, and there's such thing as many other things. (Spins the steering wheel) Is Nosey such a thing? (The car stops turning) Well, you see, that's the thing, isn't it? Candace: Dad, is this one of those cultural things again? Because I'm not sure they'd even know what the heck you're talking about in England. (At Lake Nose, Linda, Lawrence and Candace are unpacking their stuff) Phineas: Ooh! It's possible Nosey has survived (Camera zooms in on him) because Lake Nose is unusually rich in zinc, a common metal used in everything from sunblock to pennies. Cool. Candace: Oh, of course! Nosey the vicious zinc-eating dinosaur. Now it makes perfect sense! Thank you, crazy people I live with! Phineas: It doesn't say "Eats it". He probably just absorbs it through his skin. (Camera pans to him) Ooh, look! (Flips the guide) They have pictures of him. Candace: (Reading the guide) Elephant, log, dolphin, driftwood, tire, driftwood, rhesus monkey wearing a powdered wig, driftwood, driftwood, you aren't old enough to know what that is, driftwood, driftwood, it's usually driftwood. (Camera zooms out) So don't go humiliating me by, I don't know, building some boat (Picks up luggage cases) to find the Lake Nose Monster or something. Phineas: Huh. Some boat to find the Lake Nose Monster (Camera zooms in on Phineas and Ferb) or something. (At Ferb) Ferb, are you not saying what I'm thinking? (Pause. The camera zooms out) Hey, where's Perry? (Perry goes by the lake. His wrist communicator beeps) Wrist communicator: Log in. (A log boat sails to Perry. Perry hops into the boat, and sails to a cave with a sign that says "Danger! Keep out" sign. The sign opens up, and Perry sails into the cave) (Log boat beeping) (Song: Mission) Animatronic Animals: ♪ You're gonna get a mission ♪ ♪ A mission, a mission ♪ ♪ A brand-new mission ♪ ♪ What's it gonna be? ♪ ♪ Go and get your mission ♪ ♪ Your mission, your mission ♪ ♪ A brand-new mission ♪ ♪ We can't wait to see! ♪ Wrist communicator: Log out. (At the lair) (Perry exits the log) Carl: Exit to your left, Agent P. Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. I hope you enjoyed Lair Entrance: The Ride. The agency wanted to make coming into work more exciting. It was either that or a huge bonus check. (Perry frowns) Major Monogram: Well, in focus group tests, 6-year-olds overwhelming preferred singing animals to a piece of paper with numbers on it, so I-- (Clears throat) Anyway, your mission: We've tracked Dr. Doofenshmirtz here to Lake Nose where we intercepted part of this phone call. (Monitor switches to the phone call) Operator: I'm sorry, sir. We do not deliver our hot wings to the bottom of a lake. Doofenshmirtz: Aw come on! I'll tip 15%! (Screen switches back to Major Monogram) Major Monogram: Our analysts agree: Evil, chicken wings, underwater, 15%. It's a recipe for disaster. It's up to you to stop him, Agent P. (Perry salutes) (Back at Lake Nose...) Phineas: (At the dock with a boat) I think we're all set to get definitive proof that Nosey really exists. Candace: (Walks onto the dock wearing lifeguard uniform) All right, what are you two up to? Phineas: We've just built a boat to find the Lake Nose Monster. Candace: What? Didn't I specifically tell you not to do specifically, exactly just that? Phineas: Actually, specifically, you said not to humiliate you by doing that. So we won't! Candace: Mom! Quick, I caught them red-handed! Linda: (Walks onto the dock) What is going on out here? Candace: All right, so where is it? Phineas: Where is what? Candace: The giant Lake Nose Monster search boat you made! Phineas: You mean Nosebud? She's right there. Linda: You boys made this? I'm very impressed! Candace: What? Linda: Well, look! They made a boat. It's actually waterproof and everything. That's pretty cool! (Candace growls) Linda: Okay, Candace. If you're so worried... (Calls out) Honey! Lawrence: (Dashes to the dock) Yes, dear? Linda: Can you please go out on the lake with the boys to make sure they don't get into any trouble? Lawrence: (Chuckles) Well... (Dashes off and comes back wearing fishing gear) If I must. (Camera zooms into him) Well, who knows? I might even be persuaded to tell a few of my world-famous fishing stories. Candace: Well, I guess that's kind of a punishment. But come on, Mom, that's all you're gonna do? Linda: Right, what was I thinking? (Holds up a bottle of sunblock) Here! Don't forget to use plenty of sunblock. Candace: But-- Phineas: Look! Zinc. (Ding) Linda: Sweetie, aren't you gonna be late for your first lifeguard shift? Candace: All right, give me some zinc. (At the beach) Candace: (While carrying a surfboard) Okay, be cool and confident. Cool and confident. Hey, Jeremy! (Jazzy music plays) So, what do you think? Jeremy: You look great! Captain: So, you're the famous Candace Flynn? (Pulls out his hand) Bob Webber. Candace: (Shakes hands) Thanks for the lifeguard job, Mr. Webber. Bob: "Mr. Webber"? Pshaw! Mr. Webber's my father. Call me "Captain Webber". Candace: Uh, okay. Bob: (Snaps his fingers) Okay! You two take care of my beach now. Candace: Okay. Bob: (Snaps his fingers) Okay! And watch out for Nosey! (Laughs) Candace and Jeremy: (Feign chuckle) Uh, okay. (Out at Lake Nose) Bob: (Snaps his fingers) (Echoing) Okay! Lawrence: ...So he said, "Try ignoring it and hope it goes away. (Camera zooms into them) And you know what? It did. After 17 weeks. Phineas: Wow, Dad, great story. (Ferb raises his hand and Phineas puts it down) Uh, we're gonna start our search for Nosey now, okay? Bob: (Snaps his fingers) (Echoing) Okay! Lawrence: Oh, did I ever tell you boys about the time I caught the infamous Big Mouth Ramon? Phineas: Yes! Lawrence: Splendid! Then I'll set the scene: (Phineas and Ferb stand onto a circle spot which is an elevator. The elevator goes down) A chilly April morning, 1980. (As he speaks the elevator descends) Disco was on the way out and it had just begun to dawn on everybody they looked absolutely ridiculous in every photo taken of them in... (The elevator stops and dings, and it's door opens) Phineas: Okay, Ferb... Bob: (Snaps his fingers) (Echoing) Okay! Phineas: (He and Ferb run out of the elevator) Let's find us a lake monster. (Camera switches to Marco Schnozolo, attached being lowered into the water. The rope's arm drops it, causing Marco Schnozolo to float) Phineas: She's in the drink. Do we have eyes? (Ferb presses the controller buttons, and the screen turns on. Camera switches to Marco Schnozolo) Phineas: If anything's gonna get proof of Nosey, it's Marco Schnozolo. (Back at the beach) Jeremy: Don't worry, Candace. To be honest, not much happens around here. Candace: Aw, too bad. I guess we'll just be forced to kick back and have fun. Jeremy: Yeah! We could take turns saving each other. Candace: Ah, yeah. (Song: Save You Save Me) ♪ I'll save you! (I'll save you!) ♪ ♪ You'll save me! (You'll save me!) ♪ ♪ We'll Save Everyone! ♪ ♪ You're gonna need ♪ ♪ Mouth-to-mouth ♪ ♪ T-L-C ♪ ♪ P-R-E ♪ ♪ M-T-Venus ♪ ♪ and Mars ♪ Jeremy: Candace? (Snaps his fingers) Candace! Candace: Huh? (Blushes) Oh, sorry. Jeremy: As I was saying, being a lifeguard takes focus and concentration. Candace: Focus, right. Jeremy: If you just keep a calm, cool head, you'll be fine. Candace: (Gasps) THE LAKE NOSE MONSTER!!!! EVERYBODY, (Rings the bell) OUT OF THE WATER!!! (Screams) (Everyone screams) Candace: (On a megaphone) GET OUT! RUN! (Screams) (Everybody flees from the water. Candace screams into her megaphone at two people, who are reading) Bob: Huh? Wha--? What? (Candace screams into her megaphone at a duck, then screams into two megaphones) Bob: Everyone, please, calm down! (The crowd stampedes on him) Candace: (Pulling a woman's arm) Go, ma'am, leave your child! There's no time! (Whistle blows) Save yourself! Jeremy: (Blows whistle) Hey, Candace! (Candace lets go of the woman's arm, and falls) Jeremy: Everybody calm down! We're safe, look! (Picks the "Lake Nose Monster" up) It-- It's just some driftwood. Candace: Driftwood? (Chuckles nervously) Sorry, everyone. It's safe. You can come back, okay? Bob: (Comes out of his stampede hole and snaps his fingers) That was not okay. (Underwater, Doofenshmirtz's submarine is seen. Inside the cab the doorbell (Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.! jingle) rings) Doofenshmirtz: Hmm? (The handle rotates and the door opens) Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus? (Chuckles) Thank goodness, I-- I thought you were the guy with my hot wings. In two more minutes, my order will be free! Yes! (Perry pulls out Doof's hot wings out of his backpack) Doofenshmirtz: Oh for crying out loud! (Takes the hot wings) Fine. Okay, what was that? 15 bucks? All right, here's 10, 11, I got more here. Hold on. 1, 2, 3, 4, there! $15! And don't forget your tip! (Presses a button on the steering wheel, activating a diving helmet trap. He chuckles) Pretty good, huh? (Camera zooms out) So, Perry the Platypus... (Bites off a hot wing) I bet you're wondering why I'm sitting down here at the bottom of a lake. Well, the answer is simple. Mmm-mmm! This is really good, man. You want some? (Takes a box with the red wings) Here, here. (Perry takes a hot wing) Take the blue cheese. (Perry takes the blue cheese and pours it on the red wing) Do you know, I-- I prefer the ranch. Take the blue cheese. (Perry bite the red wing, and Doof holds up a napkin) Here's a napkin. (Perry takes the napkin) Anyway, the answer why I'm here is simple. Zinc. Lake Nose has a ton of zinc, and this machine goes around and filters all the zinc from the water. (Camera zooms out, showing a zinc tank) See, see? Zinc! So I figured I'd go around collecting all the zinc, and then use that zinc in some evil way to rule the world! You know, with zinc. Just think of the evil uses that off with zinc! (Pause. He looks around) I mean, seriously, can you think of some? Cause I got nothing. (Walks to a chart) I mean, look at here with all the good uses for zinc. Huh? All this good stuff, and over here? Nothing. All I got is "Some evil "Zinc Ray-Inator" or something, and, and look here! I wrote "Big laundry". I-- I don't even remember what the reason was, so I assumed I remembered some big genius Idea. Big laundry. (Deep voice) Big laundry. (Normal voice) I, it-- It's crazy! I'm a crazy person. (Cut back to the beach.) Bob: (snap) Okay! Candace, since it's your first day and you are understandably eager to impress old Captain Webber, I'll give you another chance. Candace: Thank you, Captain Webber. Don't worry, from now on, I'll be okay. Bob: (snap) Okay! Candace: Well, at least the beach is empty now. (to jeremy) It makes our lives a lot easier. Woman 1: (offscreen) Hey, is this where they saw Nosey? Man 1: Come on! Man 2: You bring the camcorder? Candace: So...many...people! Jeremy: Don't worry, Candace. Just stick with me and I'll get you through this, okay? Bob: (snap) Okay! Jeremy, we're gonna have to move you down to Station 7 to cover this crowd, okay? Jeremy: Uh, okay. Bob: (snap) Okay! (leaves) Candace, you stay here. Candace: WHAT?! Wait...by myself?! But— Man 1: Let's be unsafe! Man 2: I'm gonna run with scissors! Woman: I brought some glass to the beach! (Cut back to underwater.) Phineas: (offscreen) Here, Nosey, Nosey, Nosey. Hey, look, Ferb, it's a red herring! I say we follow it and see where it leads us. (The red herring swims, but then is covered by a shadow. The red herring looks terrified, but before what is producing the shadow can be shown, the picture goes static.) Phineas: What was that? (The giant line begins moving and comes apart.) Check the perimeter cameras! (Ferb walks up to the perimeter cameras, but one by one, they all also go offline.) Without the cameras down here, we're— (The lights go off) blind. (A red light switches on.) Computer: Emergency power on. (Phineas and Ferb walk up to the window.) Phineas: So much for getting proof. What was that? Did we find the Lake Nose Monster? Ferb: No. (The chomped off camera sinks down.) It found us. (The lights go out.)
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