| rdfs:comment
| - Ms. Bitters: Then, add a card to represent the overworked education system. Ms. Bitters: Now, add the deadweight of students like you. Ms. Bitters: So, you can see, children, that our whole society is nothing more than a perilous house of cards... Ms. Bitters: ... Destined to collapse under its own weight. Ms. Bitters: Dib! The warranty on your desk has run out. Ms. Bitters: Get a replacement from the pile. Dib: Yes, m'am. Ms. Bitters: Well, children, as you know, the desk budget for this year has run out. But the skoolboard has given a chance to lessen your misery. Ms. Bitters: Lights! Children: Yay!
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| abstract
| - Ms. Bitters: Then, add a card to represent the overworked education system. Ms. Bitters: Now, add the deadweight of students like you. Ms. Bitters: So, you can see, children, that our whole society is nothing more than a perilous house of cards... Ms. Bitters: ... Destined to collapse under its own weight. Ms. Bitters: Dib! The warranty on your desk has run out. Ms. Bitters: Get a replacement from the pile. Dib: Yes, m'am. Ms. Bitters: Well, children, as you know, the desk budget for this year has run out. But the skoolboard has given a chance to lessen your misery. Ms. Bitters: Lights! Dib (O.S.): Aagh! Poop Dawg : Word up, kids! This is Poop Dawg, the Poop Cola gangsta clown with a little fund-raiser! Do you wanna go magnet with the monies? Children: Yay! Child #1: What does that mean? Skoolchildren: Hmm? Poop Dawg: Then jack this box of Poop Cola candy! Poop Dawg: It's the great taste of Poop Cola, wrapped in a layer of chocolate badness! Children: Ooh! Poop Dawg: Every bar you sell earns money for your skool! Poop Dawg: But what's in it for you? Prizes, prizes, prazizes! Skoolchildren: Hmm. Poop Dawg: Sell a hundred bars, & you'll win a-- [ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS]. Poop Dawg: Sell a thousand, you'll win a crash helmet! Sell ten thousand, you'll win an electro scooter! At five hundred thousand, you'll get a hovercraft, plus the helmet, plus a box of-- [ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS]. Zim: Garbage! Zim: That hovercraft is a joke of engineering, & that helmet would never protect your brain from lasers. Poop Dawg: But if you all think you's all somet'in with the top sellies, and—wit-- Poop Dawg: I can't do this. Director (O.S.): Cut! Poop Dawg: The top prize is something your b-b-brain won't believe! Zim: Nonsense. Poop Dawg: It's so amazing, it's a secret. Zim: Secret!? Zim: What are you hiding, dog-man!? Tell me! TELL ME!!! Poop Dawg: Good luck, my fellow Poop slices! Warning: Warning. Candy made entirely of saw dust. Zim: Secret? Yes, of course. But what could it be? What?! What?! I MUST POSSESS THIS SECRET PRIZE! Dib: Ms. Bitters, why don't they take the money they spent on candy and prizes and use it to buy desks? Ms. Bitters: That answer wasn't in the video. Chatter: [gasps] Fundraising...ch-children! Zim: Then that horrible man-dog hybrid taunted us by not revealing the secret prize! It must be something of unimaginable power, GIR. Dib: [Holding up the empty box] Hey, Zim! I sold a whole box at my dad's lab! Beat that! Zim: So, you're trying to beat me to the prize, is that it? [Opens his box of candy and picks up a bar] Just more proof of its strategic value. Dib: The only reason I'm selling this dirt in a wrapper is to watch you fail at something else, Zim! [He laughs] Zim: I can sell these horrible candies better than any human! Just watch! GIR: Why is his head so big? Whyyyyy is his head so big? Zim: [Getting up] Just follow my lead! Zim: [Pleading] Please, Ma'am! If you don't buy my candy, my little brother will go insane! Elderly Woman: Good heavens! He's worse then I thought! [Putting down the bat] Please, of course I'll buy some candy! Elderly Woman: Mmm! Zim: Mmhmm, that's the sawdust. Zim: [Holding up the money] Hmm, she only bought one of these horrible things. You'll just have to try harder, GIR! Zim: I don't understand! Today has been a horrible failure. [Turns to GIR] GIR, DON'T EAT THAT FILTH! Zim: It is the key to the mystery of the prize. GIR: [Airy] The mystery of the priiiiize... Zim: Uuugh...this miserable Earth sun...even Ceres Minor didn't orbit such a horrible star. [Looking directly at the sun] SO HOT! Poop Dawg: [Spooky voice] Zim...ZIM...I have come for you... Zim: [Confused and worried] Eh? What is this? Zim: [Pointing] Who are you? Poop Dawg: [Inching closer] I am- Zim: [Pointing] Who are you? Poop Dawg: [Inching closer] I am- Zim: [Pointing] WHO ARE YOU? Poop Dawg: I am Poop Dawg! The Gangsta' Spectre o' D'feat in fact! And you will NEVER win the mystery prize, fool! Wahahahahaha! Zim: WHAT IS THIS MIRACULOUS PRIZE THING? [Walks up and shakes Poop Dawg, who towers over him] Poop Dawg: I 'aint tellin', yo! Zim: Does it defy the laws of time and space? Can it alter the mind of sentient beings? IS IT THE KEY TO CONTROLLING ALL MANKIND? Poop Dawg: The prize will never be yours, Zim! So say the Gangsta' Spectre o' D'feat! Zim: I will not give up...Poop Dawg! NEVER! [Shakes his fist] Poop Dawg: Ahahahahaha, yo. AHAHAHAHAHA! Dib: Uwaaugh! Jeez, Zim! I haven't even done anything to you yet! [Clutches his stomach, where GIR hit him] Zim: [Still hallucinating] Get out of here, Gangsta' o' D'feat! Begone with you! Dib: [Brushing himself off] Man, Zim. Defeat's made you crazy. Zim: Of course. That has been my mistake all along. I've been trying to sell like a miserable HUMAN! GIR! GIR spits a little bit of the candy he is eating into Zims face by accident as he snaps into duty mode. His eyes turn red. GIR: YES MY LORD! GIR quickly snaps out of duty mode. Zim: [Wiping the candy off his face] I will use inferior human fundraising techniques no longer! Zim: Now watch as I unleash the full power of Irken persuasion! [Grabs the balloon] GIR: YAAAAAAAY I'M GONNA BE SICK!
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